About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

August 21, 2016

I wish you were here poem

I wish you were here 
To see how this woman grown
Into someone you never thought would be

I wish you were here
To celebrate birthdays
To celebrate holidays
And more importantly 
Still here to talk to. 

How I have wished you were here
Sitting and doing your crafts
While we talked all throughout the night
About anything and everything
Feeling so comfortable in your presence…

But I know that is long gone
But I hoped
I wished
I longed for you to be here
Just one more day
To tell me, you love me
No matter what ive done in my life
To tell me that you are proud of me
Becoming the woman I want to be
To tell me that you miss me so much
And begging to call me one more time

But all I can do
Is see you in my dreams
You talking to me there
Celebrating in your own way
Saying/whispering you are here

All I can do is collect the things you loved
To just have a touch
A print of you in my life
To know you are still here

All I can do
Is see the signs
Wherever they will be
And feel comforted 
That you are near. 

All I can do
Is talk to God
And in my heart
To have just one last kiss
One last breath
One last touch
Of you here. 

I never thought 
You wouldn’t be here
I never thought you would leave
Without saying goodbye
I never thought you would just be gone 
In a blink of an eye
And leave the hole in my heart

This grief that takes a hold
And show me I truly loved you. 

I took for granted 
Of the time I had with you
And each night
Each day 
I regret not spending so much more time with you
I regret not talking to you as much
Regret/doubted that you loved me
All because of what family has said and done. 

I wish you were here
To hold me
And say that everything is and will be alright
That you are here to hold my hand
To give me the words I need 
To go on
But I know that is a dream
A dream I yearn 
Is to see you one more time. 

I love you grandma and I truly miss you so much.

July 30, 2015

Tired of "family" spying and such.......

Okay, im getting tired of "family" looking me up on my blog(s). They say/tell me that im stalking them and whine telling me to drop things. well guess what? I did, and im still being stalked. Seriously "family" if you are looking me up, stop it.
You dont want me in your lives, you say im no longer your child, so why keep looking me up? If i am basically dead to you, hide things from me and etc, why do you want to keep looking and checking up on me? You dont want me writing about you, and im not. Im going on with my life. Im trying to get over bronchitis, and yet you still do this.
You dont want me in your life, and i dont want you in my life, we are even in this, so why keep doing this? why reek havoc in my life, when you say all of this stuff? hm, This is the last warning im giving you guys, stop trying to spy on me, stop stalking me, or you wont like it one bit. I am moving on with my life, do the same with your lives.
I really dont care what goes on in your lives anymore, after what i saw dad did to me with mom and such, im done with it. I got sick because of this. Tired of lies, tired of being treated like trash from a "family" that is suppose to love and support. You dont want people to know how bad you are, so why do this behind the scenes? Dont want to taint "your good name"? Seriously, i will keep it up, i will keep writing about the stuff if you do not leave me alone.
You guys always do this to me. You say you disown me, but this time, i see it with all your hearts,minds and souls i am not your daughter anymore... so why all of this? Go on with your lives... its what i am doing now. And you keep it up, this will just be a blessing in disguise, to write everything i know down, and let everyone know.. Its up to you.
Along with Anthony tried talking to you and to make up and try to resolve things in a peaceful way, said okay and went your ways. IF it was true, then why block me on fb, why lie to me to my face on the phone, why all the secrecy now? You dont want to do things the good/right way, and this is the only way, you will see things. You want things to blow up, W/we dont. This is on you, not U/us.

June 30, 2015

Updates on "family"

Well it seems like im still on the right path with God. As some of you know what has been going on for the past month or more now..well im getting updates from God on what is going on with my "mother"/family.
I find it odd though in a way. Right now i feel chaotic, but still calm inside along with it. But, i find it funny though, after my father and "
mother" blocked me, then all of this stuff comes out. But today i felt like i was pulled to look at other family member pages just to see if anything was up. And i see this: a gofundme thing from my "sister".
Saying, the same stuff dad has been. That mom went in May 11th, had the surgery but getting more than i did beforehand. And that dad and everyone who was writing on moms page, was saying she was going to get out on June 28th. Well in the gofundme thing, how really convenient that she had to go back to the hospital because she is bleeding internally. And they dont know where it is, and that today she is getting a colonoscopy, to see where the bleeding is coming from..... But in the thing, not once saying, that they need money to cover the medical cost, but for the house. She puts that the insurance is covering most... most means just that, not all. So where is the rest of the money going to?
Where or how are they eating and etc? But the thing that grabs me a lot in this is that, not once, are they concerned about her really, but the house. Anyone on the outside would think, wouldnt you care about your loved one dying than a home? You would do anything to take care of that person... yet all i see is that they need 10K or else they go homeless.
The thing is, is that the timing it is put, is around the time my dreams from God are coming into play. And the curses that family put on me, is going to them. Everything they have done to me, is being flung back at them. And that my sister said before she blocked me as well, is that my fairy tale world would fall apart.. and yet she posts on her page, that is what is going on with her. Her world is falling apart.
If i was the one that was being so freaking evil, the one who wasnt being with God, and being with the devil as they keep claiming, wouldnt i be in mom and their shoes? But im not. I mean, sure im going chaotic in a sense, but its because of all these lies. This is what i had to go through for twenty something years with them, and still going. Im just wanting Justice, that only God will do, and just peace in this matter.. and move on with life. But just cant at this point. Im not taking any glee or anything in this. As the Bible states in Psalms, my favorite part in the Bible, crying to God, God please help me Please take the enemies away. And that is what i have been going through and crying and begging for twenty seven years.
To me, the whole thing is fishy in a sense. I think my sis and the family is just using it as a sob story to get money up. But as the way its going, they wont be able to. What they only care about, is their lives in this world, not with God. (Matthew 10:39 (AKJV)
He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.) They care about material objects, Sure to a point i would worry about the house, but that would be second, if not, go homeless once again just to know my loved one was alive and doing well. I would do anything to make sure that person lived. But my family, they care about the home, and their image, nothing more/nothing less.
At this point in my life, i still dont understand why my family cares about the image so badly. Im still baffled as to why they care so much about it, when its not even good or even perfect with it. But when anyone goes against it, and dare writes on it, they block and say you are dead to them. And yet they can hide deaths and everything to those who they think dont deserve that information.
But anyways, these are just some of the thoughts, the things i am going through and time to bring to light.

June 19, 2015

Proof my mother is dead... A conversation with my father.

*At the end of this, where my Husband tells my father he is the power to block, guess what? He blocked me from both accounts. It gives me all the proof in the world, my mother is dead. He didnt like that im putting this everywhere. he doesnt care that he hurts me deeply. And if my mother was alive, it would of taken a few minutes or so to block me on her account. But no, it was a mere second afterwards. And he thinks he is getting away with this? Nope. Think again dad.... This isnt over with. It may be online here and such, but God will come soon enough.*
Me:
This is Anthony. I know I talked to you on the phone
The nursing home gave me
And I have no idea why you are doing this
If Ashley's mom was alive
why wouldn't you let her speak to her for just 5 minutes
to ease her pain
do you want her to go insane
and to hurt her
That isn't of God
I don't get you at all
Why lie directly to my face on the phone
and hang up on Ashley
and Deny information
if she was alive
Why are you doing this
It makes no sense whatsoever
Ashley's been in pain for the last month
YOU SAID YOU WOULD UPDATE
Do you really want to be a liar?
Do we really have to find out another way?
I know you are reading this, answer me
This is a sick game
A simple phone call from her mom or a simple word from you that she is dead
would resolve everything
there is no malice
no anger
no hate
here
She doesn't want her mom dead
or you
all she wants to know is if she is knowing the truth or not
that is all
I've taken care of Ashley just like I said on the phone when she first moved to me and we talked.
You said man to man we would talk
I gave her the best life I could
I honored my part
Now man to man
What is the freaking truth
you owe me that much
As Man to man
Are you trying to damage her relationship with God?
If you love God, you would do this
Everyone deserves to know the truth
and we never hid anything like this from you
What does this solve?
Why are you doing this?
I wouldn't do this to my friend or stranger or enemy
Not sure how you can just ignore me
We never were eye to eye on matters
But I said sorry when you asked me to
to Dawn
I said I would do the best for Ashley that I can
and I have done that
I tried to help the problems which existed
I didn't hurt her when she came to me
You knew she was safe
I didn't prevent her from talking to you
She called you and eased your mind when she arrived here
You knew she was safe
you were able to talk to her
I just demand the same respect
Me still:
I don't understand you one bit. You guys make no sense to me. Not trying to be evil. Not trying to be hateful. I truly don't get you.
How can you allow your daughter to suffer
to cry
all of the time this past month
never update her anymore
not allow her to contact her mother if she is alive which she isn't
and how can you let this go on
then only care about your image in the end
what people will think of you
what people will say about you
only care about the delussions and illussions
more than your daughter
try to damage her relationship with God
then say that the abuse never happened
well guess what
I'm a witness now
You can't deny you aren't abusive
you are lying to her about a death
you never told her her grandma died
you aren't letting her know about her mother dying
you didn't tell her about sassy dying
Yet, when you called the police to know about Ashley's safety
She told the police to tell you she is alright
and she told you guys later she was alright
she responded to her mothers email
when she didn't have to
the last email when she responded around her birthday
and she replied back when she found it
she never left you hanging
It's almost like you want her to go insane
I heard you guys laughing at her on the phone
when she thought you died
I heard you guys
and you just said she was only listening to the devil
and laughing
and didn't even try to comfort her
didn
try to calm her down
it's like you guys just kicked her in the stomache
over and over while she was down
Say you aren't liars and we should trust you
and you guys just lie to my face
on the phone
not Ashley this time
but me
I don't get you. You see Ashley mentioning no pictures
then you post all of the pictures in the world
then deny her to speak or know about her mothers health
Why even post pictures to show Ashley
then Deny her to speak to her
WHAT FREAKING PURPOSE
does it serve
?
It's like the only way we will ever get any information
is if we fly down there
if we call the police
or if we hire someone to investigate the death records
It's just insane
we would never do this to you
And how are you even here all the time
when do you work
Why is it that every time dawn is on
You are on
and every time you are on
Dawn Marie on Buzzen is on
And when she fought with Dawn Marie on Buzzen
She said that you are no child of mine
and then afterwards
you stopped replying to her messages
when there was no reason to
you didn't know anything unless you were dawn marie
and why is summer breeze on at the same time
which is Moms Sister
because everytime you are on
Dawn Marie is on
and everytime her sister is on
Buzzen she is on Facebook
Even if we were crazy which we weren't
anyone else would draw the same conclusions
it's logical
it makes sense
and if we were wrong
you would have to admit it made sense
and correct
but We all know the truth
yet you just want to forever hide it for some reason
like you blame Ashley for her Moms Death
that is the only Answer
if she was alive
there would be no need
Her Mom would post something on facebook
saying how crazy her daughter is
or
post something because she is upset
she wouldn't just be silence
So the only explaination is
you blame Ashley
because she called you guys thinking you were dead
and then your wife gets a blood infection
the next day saying she was in the hospital
So you must blame Ashley
What else would explain such Hatred?
I am not trying to misuse God or anything
But God would never want you to do this
If you truly love God
You wouldn't do this
Because Jesus said to turn your cheek
if someone comes asking for forgiveness
forgive them 70 times over
basically
to not do Evil for Evil
but Good for Evil
So if you were the Good ones
You wouldn't be doing this
Dad:
Ashley this is ur dad talking. Mom is alive and doing well that is all u need to know until u get some professional help for yourself and to clear ur mind other than that I do not want u or ur boyfriend Anthony trying to contact us or ur mother in any way shape or form. I am letting u know this so u will leave us alone and I am letting u know mom is alive. For all of the hurtful things u have done to us this is one reason why we don't want to have anything to do with u because you are lost in ur own world and all of the lies. I don't know what ur listening to but it sure isn't god. Do not bother me ur mother or sister anymore
Me
1:21pm
Me
Ashley needs to hear her mom and then she can let it go
Because you lied
over the phone
I called you
This is Anthony
I called you on the phone
And you said it wasn't you
How can we believe you now
Just let Ashley Talk with her Mom
and then block her
from facebook
and she won't say that
Shes Dead
and
She can let it go
all she needs is to hear her
and then you can unfriend her
and block her
and she won't bother you
This will resolve it
All you need to do for her to be out of your life
is just let her mom talk to her for a minute or two
and she will stop thinking she is dead
and you can block her
and defriend her
and she will take you off facebook
Dad
6/19, 1:26pm
Dad
I refuse for Ashley to talk to her mother because she doesn't need to be stressed anymore than she already is. There will be absolutely no contact between Ashley and her mother because of all the hateful things and hurtful things she has said and done. We are done with this situation now. U can take it or leave it. She is alive. She can go ahead and block and delete us. If she doesn't believe that then that's on her yes this is her dad speaking no contact between her and her mother.
Me
1:27pm
Me
I don't know why you are doing this
You say you don't want her in your life
you have the ability
to block her
all you have to do
is unfriend her
and block her
We can't trust you
because you lied
on the phone
and
as for the stress
Ashley didn't even want to talk to her to stress her
YOU GUYS are the ones
that prevented the nursing home
from telling her shes not dead
if you would let the nursing home
reveal to her
it wouldn't have gone here
You owe me
yes you do
I did everything you guys wanted
I said sorry to her when she was upset
in the past
I talked to you before Ashley left as a Man to Man
just like you wanted
we Let you know Ashley was fine when the police came
and you said I was abusive
or she wasn't safe
I did everything and hid nothing
I never stopped Ashley from Talking to you
her mother
or her sister
When you guys wanted to know about her safety
you provided it
I provided it
She talked on the phone, she emailed
she let you know her condition
she showed photos
we did everything
and now we ask for something
for peace of mind
and you can't do it?
Any Doctor she went to
would ask the same thing
She wouldn't be able to recover
and the Doctor would seek proof
to show if she is wrong or not
And I'm not harrasing you or bothering you
you have it in your ability
to block us
any time you wish
Just like Kayla
and I left Kayla Alone
I didn't write her after she blocked us
all I know is a Father wouldn't do this to his Daughter
I talked to you on the phone
This person can't get messages right now

February 18, 2014

finally used a safe word.....

Yea today I used a safe word for the lifestyle and I still not sure what to think or say on it. I feel at odds with myself inside. Like I'm content but also feel upset as well.

W/we've been doing this for six years and never used a safe word til today. Afterwards He said that it was good that I did it to help me get past the rapes and get back some power and to be stronger. With that He said since I've been with Him I've gotten stronger but I just don't feel like that. In some way I feel like I let Him down by using it. I think maybe because I felt like I wasn't at the point of breaking or wasn't too much for me..but the more I look back He was testing me, which I hate because it really screws my mind up.

Maybe that is why I feel sad but I'm not too sure why I feel oddly calm inside. This time it was different. Doing the stuff I wasn't afraid of Him. I knew in my heart that I can trust Him and I was pretty calm about that.

I'm wondering if I'm growing still in this lifestyle. Finally being a total slave in a sense and trusting with all my heart. I just need to get through this feeling and keep going with it. Until next time.

December 11, 2013

Adventures of a water nymph... lol going to title it this, as to a lot of things going on...

Okay, now this one is for my blog. Whew today has been a very eventful day for me. I had some lovely conversations with some oh so lovely people.. yea I'm being sarcastic here.

Let's go with the first one I had. I'm on a site called Weirdtown its not a bad chat site, but still you do have your run in with idiots. Being that said, someone ive been talking to for about a week now, goes to ask me, why I don't have sex and what not.

And I told her my reasoning as to why and gave me a typical idiots answer to it. I told her, I really don't feel the need to have sex, and tells me, I just havent had good sex or a good sex partner..
Now this pisses me off.. clearly people are idiots here. There is a condition where you don't feel sexual and what not, and I have it. Sure, sometimes I feel it, but for the most part I really don't. Hell I don't understand or comprehend why people are addicted to it. Don't think I ever will to be honest. Oh well to that..

The next I stated is I don't have enough money nor a home of my own to have children.. its a short way of stating a very long winded explanation to it. And I get sure, condoms and birth control are out there.
Hm, I already said I didnt have money for it, nor am I going to take things just so I can have sex.

And my response back to her I should say, if you look at it, condoms are what three dollars for a three pack, but I'm allergic to latex, so the ones I need are roughly around ten bucks.... and she said she pays four bucks for birth control... hm well someone has luxury, because I know for a fact, for me, without insurance, it would cost around forty bucks a month. I don't know how I will be on it, but with my family and how they are, I'm not taking the chance. And that is what I said.

My priorities are else where. I said you have luxuries I don't. Hell I found out I'm eight percent below poverty line.. that should of told you something right there. Of course does anyone listen or read what I put? I don't think they do to be honest, because I have to repeat myself and finally get snotty with them, before they ever listen to me.

I'm not ready to have children right now, and I'm not going to do that, buy that stuff just to have it and let everyone think I'm a normal person.. because I can honestly tell you, I am no where near normal.

It's like everyone forgets that everyone doesnt live like they do. I'm still worrying about being homeless, than worrying about having sex with my Husband. But someone thinks of me as being stupid as to put bills, food, a roof over my head way before sexual urges and needs.

Is this really how people think? Even if a little thinks like that? IF that is true, then I can see why so many poor people have children, its because they are pressured to think they need sex in order to fulfill all of our earthly needs. And then exhaust programs and get away with it.

I can see that type of thinking already. And I know for sure I'm not going to do that and I told her that. She finally shut up about it, and went on with whatever. I don't mind talking and sharing about my life and what quirks I have and what not, but don't try to tell me how to be.. that just puts me off. And now I'm not sure if I will ever talk to her again.

Then at the same time talking to her, another person starts pming me. He goes on to tell me he is a dominant guy and wants to own me... and only cares if I'm white. I told him, I am married and owned, and not here for that.. and he goes on to gloat, and say that he has so many white slaves, had sex with them and told one to have an abortion and she does it.

That ticked me off completely. I hate those who gloat about being in the lifestyle, that just shows me for one you are not a man, two you are nowhere near a true dom and never will be, and then trying to get me, knowing full well I am owned, yea its not going to happen.

I can see why I'm so picky with people who say they are in the lifestyle, because each time I talk to someone, they gloat about it, want to know about it or they want to own me and do sexual stuff. That is not my objective here. It's to teach what its about, and hopefully have a friend in it, and help give advice or so, when I truly need it in this lifestyle.. but of course I havent found it.

After I saw that, I knew I couldnt just talk to the person anymore. It goes against my beliefs and why should I taint my morals just for the sake of talking to someone? And I told him in a somewhat nice, but I think firm voice/hand that I am not going to talk to him anymore.

Someone who just has an ego, and just flips the whole slave thing, is just bullshit if you ask me. He is 48 years old, around the same age as my parents, and he acts like he is a teenager/ mid twenty year old just getting into the lifestyle. I hate when people are older than you, but act like children, and you are so much younger and have to be an adult... kinda sad. But yea, I even told him I'm surprised I'm even writing you back, because he really deserve it, but I thought he should know his manners are not welcomed at all.

I told him, that he is not a man and a very sick person to tell anyone to have an abortion. That goes against my very fiber, and will not talk to someone who gloats about it. In his writing he was very happy that she had aborted her child. I take that very seriously.. I think the woman is in the wrong as well, having an affair, and then doing that,s he should be ashamed of herself.

He even told me, that since he was 28, he has been going behind his wife's back and having affairs and having “slaves”. Doing this under her nose. I do not like that at all as well. It is cheating no matter what you think of it.. and to gloat that he has gotten away with something is not right at all, and I let him know about that. And I knew where he was going with it.. he wanted me to cheat on my Husband who is also my Daddy Dom in the lifestyle, and to taint myself just because in the name of him being a so called dom.

Yea, I'm not like that, nor am I stupid enough to leave my Husband/Daddy Dom of almost seven years, and go with a douche? Yea, not going to happen.

That is another thing I was going to write on, you need to watch out for signs that these doms have an ego.. you can just tell from the start. If they have an ego, and say hey I'm a dom, then I think its time to look else where because they are truly not that, just playing around with it.. and getting in it with someone like that, the experience will not be good at all. I know this looks like a novel, but after almost a year of not writing, it has finally come back to me.. and thought to make this into one, instead of a few short ones. Just what has been going on as of late, and that I havent had time really to be writing and keeping up with my blog. But with that, I hope you enjoy it, and hopefully someone out there will learn from this. Until next time.. 

What's been going on lately....

I know i know, im sorry it took this long to actually start blogging again.. been having a hectic year and what not.

a lot of things have been happening in my life. Im back with my family, im talking to my mother a lot more than the rest of them, still its a start somewhere. been a couple of fights so far, but nothing too bad. 

From there, had that horrible arctic storm that went through here, making it almost -50 or so and where im living at the managers had the temp set at 55 degrees, making it feel like damn air-conditioning.. which got me sick. 
Then yesterday night a water pipe burst in O/our apartment building due to it being so fucking cold in the place and then warming up, just couldnt handle it.. so having to smell the nasty water in the basement/mail room. 

Then to what happened yesterday. 

Ive had this guy come up to me probably a month ago or less maybe, asking if i had a boyfriend and what not.. well yesterday i find out, he is sorta stalking me and then comiing up to me, talking to me, about sex, and saying he likes my ass and what not. And he keeps trying to persuade me to go with him and not my Husband and kept saying no "white" man can please you.. yadda yadda yadda.. that went on for about ten minutes, when my Husband got there.. yay for me right? 

Nope, the dude didnt get up, just shook His hand, and didnt move to let my Husband sit next to me, nor leave so W/we could be together.. but doing a power trip on Him and to see if he could get me. 
After that my Husband told me you cant talk to him anymore and i just said okay.. He kept saying he is evil, and not a good person, and glad He got to see him so He could see how he was. And then He kept chastising me because He is my Daddy Dom after all, and saying i should not be meeting or talking to people who are clearly evil.. and of course me crying my eyes out, feeling like i let God down, let Daddy down, and that he would see me in a different light. 

For the next hour, He kept telling me that i shouldnt be doing this and that, but also saying in the same sentences that its not my fault, and i cant help it that evil people are attracted to me lol. And was worrying about my safety. He even went to say, you cant go to the library anymore.. but im glad He came to same conclusion as i did, im going to go, and will tell the guy to not talk to me anymore.. if he doesnt honor that, tell the librarians about it first, if they dont do anything then im calling the cops. 
I'm not going to have people make me a coward all because they are evil and keep their evilness inside.. just not going to happen.
I am glad to say, that i havent seen him today and hopefully the next time i do, its with my Husband so He can tell Him.. i really hate confrontation or saying whatever to people.. i hate being so damn submissive at times, i hate being so damn shy and timid that i cant be myself and be assertive with others. 

Online its easier to deal with evil and idiotic people, but in real life, its a lot harder to get away from it.. because online all you have to do is just ignore or block, but in the real world, they go where you go, so you cant avoid them at all, and then on top of that, they dont honor their word, so it just makes it a hassle. And then you have to involve cops, ugh.. i mean you can do that online, but i think its a lot harder in the real world. 

But yea, you can see how my life goes.. never a dull moment in my life lol. Either something pops up with my lifestyle, or something like this comes up, or something with the house. Guess that is how it is, living on your own lol.