About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

March 13, 2010

Chapter three is here...Amanda's Story...

Feeling tired of picking up pieces of me, I walk around till I find this little sitting area. Its almost like a park but its all decayed and dead. I walk up to it slowly and I see Amanda sitting there.

Her muddy little face in her hands. I go and sit by her,wondering what is wrong with her. I sit down next to her and I look at her, and softly ask,um Amanda whats wrong? She moves her head slowly,see that its me and said,Memories of what happened to me are flooding my head and I cant stop them. Putting my hand on top of hers, I ask in a soft gentle voice, You know its alright to talk about it. It will help pull that burden off your shoulders. She looks up in my eyes, brimming with tears, gave me a quizzical look, ponder on what I had said,and finally thought it was the best. Looking in the distance ,maybe to the sulky sky,trying to figure out where to start at.
After blowing a little bit,Amanda starts to tell her story: See almost all of us here has been raped or something so bad that our mind just gets disconnected with us,and with me it was rape as well. I remember it like it just happened. I was about ten years old, and I was playing with my friend at her house. We were having a good time,talking to her mom and just having a girls day really. Then around noon-ish my friends dad comes out of nowhere. See my friend has always told me that he was very mean and never really see her that much. Till that day, it was horrible. He comes in and acts like he has always been there. Hugs his daughter and shakes hands with his ex wife. Then he looks at me.
I felt so creeped out I just sat there and didnt do anything. I wasnt sure what to do or say. After that me and my friend went back to playing in her bedroom and then decided to go outside to play for a little bit. It was too hot for that day and me being fair skin I couldnt take the heat anymore. So I went back in and my friend went to her bedroom while I went to get something to drink. Talked to her mom for a little bit and after that I went to go to my friends bedroom but in the hall way he stopped me. Looked at me with those creepy eyes and just smiled. I stood there frozen in place, and he touched my face. I think I jerked away and he just chuckled and he said your such a pretty little girl.
I was trying to get away and he pinned me in the hallway. Saying your not going anywhere. I was scared that I couldnt scream or anything. I was trapped and he led me into an empty bedroom and from there he did things. Made me touch him and I didnt like it at all. I would fight him all the time but he was older and far stronger than me. After he had done that he had raped me. I knew he was doing this and my body and my mind seperated from themselves. At first I was scared to enter this realm but for some reason I felt like I had been here before. It felt like a dream at first, foggy but remembering bits and pieces of a dream you had last. The surroundings were familiar but I wasnt sure if I have been here or not.
I had wandered around for a few hours while my friends dad was raping me. Hiding myself inside the core of me,where he cant find me or hurt me here. I feared though that he would find this and hurt me here but the more I thought of that the more myself became sure that he wouldnt be able to enter here till he has been tortured like I have. That will never happen in a million years. So here I am sitting here in this little twisted kingdom made up of decayed things, things that have never been wished upon by normal,sane girls. Maybe just maybe one of these days I will be like you and get out of this mess and be a real girl for once, instead of a ghost in the real world.
Hearing this it made me wonder, will I ever get out of here sane? If I did what would I do with my life? When will I be able to be sane? Pondering on this stuff, my mind wanders back to things that have made me come into this twisted kingdom that I have made up. I realized that I'm just like them. Scared of being here but after a while in this realm you kinda get use to it. Its like home away from home and it becomes a habit to stay here and never find who the real person is, in the body that is suppose to be you. So maybe wandering here in this hell whole I have called my home for years now is maybe a bad place to stay. I think its time to find that light and become the person I should have been even if my life have had been better than this one.
Getting up from the bench, I look over my shoulder, and tell Amanda, it will be alright. I have a feeling that you will be better,years to come. Don't worry about what has happen, just try to learn from them and never run away from your problems if they ever come up again. I think its the first rule everyone should know. Never run away from mistakes or something that has hurt you deeply. Also you need to trust someone first to heal little by little,with each day to come. After that, I walk down that same beaten road,I've had made from the years before. Sighing I remember the days when I was just like them and now I feel like I have grown a little more today. Time to find more pieces of my soul today and rest for maybe a day or so...if I can do that at all........

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