About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

March 11, 2010

This is a story maybe well part of it..Maybe first chapter.

Well like i said its the interworks of me in a story form. It was going to be a poem but thought it was way too long for that so this will be a story. Enjoy chapter one.

Little girl creeps inside my soul yet again. Feeling her clawing up in my veins, whispering those scarlet velvety words in the pit of me. Making me spiral to the core of myself. Seeing thousands and thousands of cobwebbed, creaky stairs that haven't been climbed in the centuries I've been hiding. Disguising these stairs with wishful dreams that may never come true. Yet Emily is descending these stairs to meet me for once in her life.
Seeing her just amazes me. I keep thinking is this another part of me? Or is she truly me and the person who is writing this is just a doll to fool people? That she is okay on the outside but deeply inside something else is totally going on. The dark abyss I'm in is made of all the daydreams, wishes I have wished and never came true. They have turned into this malice twisted kingdom that takes this person deep inside of it to wonder around it for years to come.
Shaking those thoughts away Emily smiles and I look around and see that a few other girls have gathered around us. For some reason I know all of them. Like they are a part of me. All of them smiling malicious smiles knowing what is to become of me, while I live in ignorance bliss. I stare at each one of them,scanning each one,burning them into my head. They are all different from each other but at the same time they are alike in many ways as well.
Like Emily is the cutter of the group. She is dressed in a black and white stripped hooped dress. You cant see her face at all, just her long black hair with her head lowered. She is drenched in crimson from head to toe. She gives off this feeling that screams inside of my veins to leak out its delicious dessert that she wants everyday from me. All the while I have to fight off the urge to sub comb to what she wants instead of what I want dearly...my life,(I think). After fighting her for a few the next little girl comes and takes her place.
This girl name is Amanda and she is the anger inside of me. She is dressed in ragged clothes and muddy from head to foot. Her eyes have this fiery hatred in them from what people have done to her/us. Her feelings from deep within crawls up my spine and hums the words: kill,kill,torture those that has hurt us. You need to avenge those NOW!! I slowly back away and she comes forward in a feline,graceful way singing that lullaby into me. Making my limbs do whatever she wants and its to kill those that have hurt us deeply to the core. I tell my brain to stop this,to take back over your body.a f She isnt whole, only a part of you not all so why cant you take back your body now? I cant do it because I'm weak and tired from fighting within myself. Amanda becomes weak and finally relief fills my face when the next and last girl comes to greet me.
Taking Amanda's place is Ariel. She is the saddest part of me. Her eyes are ancient and full of sorrow. She has on a flowing blue gown just like the water pools. Looking deep into those ocean blue eyes you get trapped. The feeling surrounds you making you sink, sink in the pool of the past to the point you can never get out. Left there to feel numbed and forget everything and everyone that has been in your life.
After this I cant take much more, I close my eyes wishing that this isnt happening. That I'm fading into the darkness and these other souls get to take my place. After falling for a few I open my eyes and see that I'm back at the beginning of my journey of the twisted kingdom. Nothing is here....just me in the middle of my cold abyss and time is running out for me to find myself ever again. Somehow I need to find the light in my abyss and end this before I fade to nothingness but for hours now I've been walking for hours on end in this. When will this stop? Is it me that needs to stop this and find my way out or is someone else in here to help me find the right path to take and make it safe back inside my body.
Another few hours fly by and all I see around this abyss of mine and my head is lowered and all I see is shards of the past me/who I was. I keep circling this over and over and see the same thing all around. I start to question, am I suppose to pick these up? And if I do pick them up what am I suppose to do with them? Am I suppose to piece these together and if I do, will I be better than before? All these questions float around my head, wondering what is right and wrong. The only answer I get from me is silence and I silently pick up the shards after the other, putting them back inside of my heart. Piecing my heart together with each shard I find, I hope that the glue to these pieces will stick this time and never have to go down this abyss again. When I think more on it I know this is not the end for me. I have many more turns coming down this rocky road. Finding all the missing pieces of my heart/memories. Each one I find for now locks into place where it was the first time. Finally feeling a little older and wiser than the time before, remembering of the little girl that first walked down this shaky road, uncertain of herself. Scared that she was alone and that she would never get out of this abyss of hers. Stumbling over the shards that had fallen out of her, crying crismon tears each time she had fallen on them, realizing that she will never learn from the time before. Till now does she know that she has learn quite a bit in the time she has lived here.
Somehow some part of me deep inside hopes that after walking this foggy maze that I will find the true me but I know for now that I have to walk down this lonely twisted kingdom I have made for years to come. To even realize what or who I am at that. I know there are a lot of missing pieces of me deep in this kingdom and that one day I will find all the missing memories of me and that it will make me stronger in the future.

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