About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

March 12, 2010

Warning if anyone has been raped please tread softly on this...Chapter two..Emilys Story

After walking this twisted kingdom for a while, picking up lost pieces of me, Emily comes back. My nerves started to spasms while she is walking towards me with her graceful,feline walk that makes me shiver each time she comes around me. Thinking why does she have to keep coming back to taunt me to my very core. Why cant she just leave me be and that I can collect myself in a peaceful way. I try lingering in a corner that I had found a few days back, hoping she hasnt seen me, but I can feel that I'm so wrong on that. She comes almost like a skipping walk right up to me smiling her little evil grin. Why does she want to toy with me? Acting like she's innocent when really shes not.
Finally calming down a bit I just answer her questions thinking that if I do then she will leave me be. After her babbling for a while she starts telling me something about how she came into this realm. That made me perk up and listen to how she got here. Emily speaks now: See your not the only one who is in this realm here. Expanding her arms to show this place. There are a lot of us who are still lost deep inside our minds. Not knowing what is reality or fantasy anymore.
First coming here to this realm was really scared me. I didnt know what this was or who I was at all. All I remember is how I came down here and I don't really know how to get out of it. This has been my home for years now maybe centuries. I'm not sure which it is but all I know its been a long long time. The day I got here was bad from the start. I was pretty young and still remember the walls. They are way different now. Sigh.
I was eight years old a long time ago and was at my grandparents place for the summer. It was just like any other summer till that one fatal day. My grandparents and my parents where outside talking to one another while us grandchildren were still in the house playing with one another. We were in the front room playing uno and was having lots of fun. Till it got boring and we didnt know what else to do until one of my cousin's decided that we should go out and play instead. We all agreed to do that and I stayed behind to clean up the mess. While I was doing that one of my cousins asked me to stay behind because he had something to tell me. I said sure just wait a minute and after I finished I stayed to talk to him.
That was a big mistake of my life. After sitting on the bed he shut the door and locked it and sat next to me on the bed. I felt really uncomfortable and thoughts were racing through my head. Why did he lock the door? What as so important that he needed to lock it? Things like that kept coming to me. I was very nervous till he started talking. I don't really remember what he was asking nor what I said but just went along with it so I could just get out of the bedroom. After him talking a little bit he wanted me to take my shirt off. I really don't remember to this day if I refused at first of if I just did it to shut him up. But I did it. Feeling really ashamed of it, I bow my head and came close to crying. He starts touching my boobs and I smack him every time he does this. Then he gets kinda mad and says take off your bra now. I knew what was going on and said no in a sorta quiet voice. I can tell hes getting really mad and says it again in a stricter voice and trys to take it off himself.
Smacking him again I scream it NOOOOOOO and struggle to keep it on. After this point I don't remember a lot. Just the feeling of falling deep into this abyss I never seen before. I remember it being really cold, dark and damp. Kinda like a dungeon to me. Feeling trapped I try finding a place to get out. I had no where to go and felt my panic rising up in me and I start screaming HELP ME.SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME, and all that did was echo through the walls. I could feel that only me can hear these words being tossed in the air. Finally realizing that I was right and that I could only hear them I gave up on hope. Something deep inside me, snapped and I became this zombie.
On the outside something totally different was going on while I was here. This was kinda like my sanctuary for me to come here but then found out later on that it was that. Anyways somehow I came out of it or was I still in it. Not really sure what was going on with that but I remember that I was still fighting my cousin off. He was too strong for me and I just had to take it because no one was there. Just us and after that he had raped, and used me all along. Somehow I gotten fiesty and angry at what he had done and got out of there. He was on the ground shaking his head,because I hit him and unlocked the door,grabbed my shirt put that on and went straight to my parents.
I had only told them that he touched me in places that I didnt like and they got mad. I didnt tell them the rest because I felt ashamed of it and that they would punish me for what had happen. Plus my parents are the type that if you are not bleeding don't talk about it and I thought it wasnt important to tell them. For years I let it go,well forgot what had happen till things started to make me upset. I would keep falling back into the abyss of this realm as you can see and would stay here for long period of times. After that you see is why I get very angry at times and never know how to cope with it. You see the scars on my arms is from me being disgusted of myself and punishing myself for letting this happen.
I hope that you will find your way out of this and make it safetly back to your body. That one day you will find peace and rest in your soul and that someday you will forgive yourself for the things that had happen in your life. I will tell you like many people in your have said this is not your fault. Don't feel that way. You may feel like that because you blame yourself for them raping you but truly it isnt your fault. Its their fault and hopefully have a good life. I will let you get back to picking up more of your memories and maybe you will find a missing piece that you have never seen before and be able to cope with things to come. I bid you farewell for now but this isnt the last time we will see each other. Bye for now.
Emily leaves me to myself and the quietness of the twisted kingdom. I ponder on the story Emily has told me and somehow it has calmed me down. Made me realize that some of the things in my life wasnt my fault and it never was. Maybe she is right, that I shouldnt blame myself for what has happened but to look at it as a learning process and to make myself better. While pondering on that I quietly go back to finding more pieces of myself..........

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