About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

April 6, 2010

Chapter six to my story enjoy it :)

Waves crash over my body,aching and screaming deep inside. Wanting to claw up to the surface and be free from everything. Why does this have to happen? Evil thoughts pop inside my head contemplating over and over if I should do them just this once and it wont make me a bad person anymore. Would it or am I just doing this because I don't know how to be good anymore? Even when I'm good someone always has to abuse that, twist it to their own lies to make them feel better in the end and that makes me hurt myself.
Silent screams echo deep inside my chest. Bubbling up from the pits of hell, open my mouth and only vapor escapes. Only the wind captures my feelings and pops them with their tiny pins. Spraying them around the earth for someone just someone to hear what I have to say. Hoping and praying that someone will be my rock, my protector from all the evil I must endure. Only for now I get silence once again. Only hearing the screaming locked inside of this person. Caged emotions banging against the iron bars, wanting to be free, wanting to escape the possibilities that will happen if they don't get out.
Drifting on uncertainty while shame clings onto me, as past memories come up. Bottled up emotions from years of suppressing them are surfacing each day as these old scars come up. For many years to come I've inflicted crimson regret and betrayal on this frail body that was suppose to me mine. To quiet the sultry midnight voice that clouds my judgment deep inside of me,to have a few sweet delicious, glorious seconds of stillness inside of me. Then the humming starts up again louder and louder it gets forcing/promising it will make me better. I give in because I'm too weak to fight off her vengeance. Somewhere in the depth of my soul, these pages that I read are of my heart, body, and soul of the earth and people I once knew. How each of these pages, know my pain and feelings, that I do not know. My eyes flit through the pages, yearning a burning desire my conscience only knows of. Filling my pretty little head with fiction, fantasies that I have longed to live for. Would these ever come true? Maybe I'm dreaming that one day these dreams or fantasies some may say are only that. A hoping child, left to bare that they are just in her mind. Could she stand that? Could she bare it all on her own? For only echos of dreams of passions, never fulfilled in this child will only whirl inside,confusing herself with all these daydreams,swarming around her realm.
Only to wake up to another day of misery and gloom. Despair crossing her face,for only she knows what her dreams where about. Agony never going away,leaving behind its ugly feeling of lonesomeness dwelling home. Down the rabbit hole I go again,drifting farther and farther down it,not knowing what lays before me. Uncertainty and cold whispers its way into my inner chambers. Nightmarish dreams enter my waking soul, flashbacks of my past life floats before my eyelids. Flitting like movie pictures, capturing my emotions over and over, never changing in a moments breath. Each one ripping through me like tiny jaws nibbling on my bones. Working their way deep inside my body,wanting me to remember
Hollow as the washed up foamy water. Water gypsies spring forward to capture my soul, that slumbers deep inside. Tunnels that dwell my being, that twists around dark desires that grow with each breath I take. Empty promises sprout from your serpent mouth, begging for these intentions to come out and play. Chains uncurl inside their sleeping wake, slithering towards you, snaking,coiling,around you. Binding you to the bed. Changing forms,smoky demon eyes bore into you, voice like glass chimes,sing song whispery huskiness asks, “Is this what you wanted? Do you want to see my darkest dreams, that I had chained in me? Are you satisfied now that you see it?”
Hair as dark as midnight floats like mermaids hair under water. Tangling in tendrils around her shoulders, eyes like demons deathly eyes, mouth as wan as paper. A low growl growing from your throat, thunders through my soul, bearing my heart to you. Eyes gazing at your beauty, awed in your presence, cant even move an inch. My brain kicks in screaming run run run. Yet my body stays here yearning for your lovely touch on my body. Skin touching skin,mouth touching mouth, words speaking the words I want. Body screams for your waking, wanting all the desires you have locked inside your poor soul. Your eyes haunt my very being but I can not move or utter the words I want to say to you. Did you put a spell on me? What have you done to me? I want to leave right now but what is making me stay here?
What spell are you putting on me, I want out of here. Let me go, I want out of this realm. Out of your deathly,ghastly world. I want to live in the living,not where death walks. I want the roses to bloom and not see only buds that have died more than once here. I want fresh air in my lungs than this smoky dirt in my mouth. I want to be with you in the land of the living, where we can live a normal life. What makes you stay here? What is keeping you chained in this gosh forsaken world? Is there unfinished business that you need to complete before my angel, my butterfly can fly away? Each night I lay awake on this lonely bed,wishing my little golden butterfly will come back to me. Wanting that lively young woman back in my arms. Hair as smooth as skin caressing my face as we lie together each night.
Now all I see is hatred in those glazy eyes. Each day I pass you by, I see the anger growing deep inside you. Fury lingers inside your bones, eating,devouring your soul as you walk the undead realm. When will you come back to me? Are you going to stay like this forever? Living inside your anger, letting it devour your being each minute that passes by? What has happened to my little butterfly? Why doesnt she flutter away like she use to? Loving nature to its finest, sigh I think to myself I will never see that precious laughter in your eyes, like I use to see when you looked into my soul. Utter sadness takes over me, pity lingers in my bones, waiting for you to come back to me. Some nights I look to the sky and pray to God that you will come back to me as you once was. Then other nights my faith is gone and know that you will always walk among the dead, wandering for all eternity trying to find who you once was, in a dream filled with hopes, ambitions, that lively color in your cheeks. Oh I miss you my darling..please come back to me. These are my dreams I longed to be fulfilled each and every night that you are not with me.
I hope that you can find yourself and come back to my side and love like you once did many years ago. I hope that you dream of me,in your foggy mind, trying to come back but still blinded by blood that makes you live in this hollow land. Fiery winds tousle through your hair, hitting your rosy cheeks with a tangy bite that dwells inside of you. Trudging through the thicken snow that has fallen fresh only a few minutes ago. Legs numbed to the chilled air, harsh crunch clings to your ears. Only memories circle in your head. Walking wherever these pictures lead you. Unaware of the temperature changing, muted to the stillness in the forest. What made it so haunting to be in this made up forest? Trying to find who you are in this lonely woods, only to hear quietness beneath the tall trees. No sun, nothing can be heard as you keep trudging through this all by yourself.
You keep thinking: what have I done to deserve this at all? What made me come into this forsaken place,just to wonder around for years and never remembering,replacing who I was within. Where did this girl go? What had happened in this kingdom that she doesnt even want to remember. These thoughts race through her mind, kicking up its speed. Making her stomach ache till she stops the thundering booms in her head. Aching to leave, she has nowhere to go. Only in a circle is what she had put herself in, and now she cant even remember how to get out of this jungle maze.

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