About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

November 29, 2010

Writing on the inner works of me

I know I havent written in a while but I havent really been myself lately. I have been feeling pretty weird. Ive been feeling numb inside.. and I thought that it will slowly dissipate. Like I always think it will. It slowly creeps in making me think its something else when I know full well what it is. I don't know how to get rid of this feeling nor what to do. Its like this gnawing dullness inside that grows each minute. More and more of my time I stare at razors thinking how lovely it would be to slice again. To have the relief of pain that keeps growing inside, out. Also sitting in a car lately just isnt doing it for me either. I stare at the lock contemplating should I lock it or not.. and then my mind wonders go ahead jump out of the car. It will be better to do this than to live in this world where you are at. But I lock the door and those thoughts still pop up. What am I suppose to do when your soul is so dull that you cant heal the process like you have done all the other times you felt like this. Where time can slip away from you, while you float on a cloud you have never been on before. Drifting like a snowflake, never knowing where the destination will take you. Thinking you will drift forever in this fantasy like world. Where everything seems so wonderful, what you have expected from life, and then you start to wonder when you will crash back down to reality. Having responsibility of telling your body not to tense, to ease up on a few rules you put inside yourself. But the clarity comes back ten fold, pushing on your chest a deep sensation of gulping water.
You come back to earth wondering, pondering on what will happen, what has happened while you wasnt here. Wondering how many years, minutes have passed you by as you lay your soft hazy head on your pillow. Drifting in and out of worlds, dreams your mind has made up. Confused on reality and fantasy, what will and is inside of you. Slowly sitting up, you feel the ringing the crashing of tides slide down your aching body. The piercing sensation wading deeper and deeper inside your soul. Slipping further and faster into who you are. Cant grasp on to it, to lock it back into its tiny black box. Where its suppose to lay hidden from anyone's peripheral vision.
That tiny box that has slipped through your grasp, sings a hideous tune inside. Luring you into its trap, whispering little lies to make you believe what it says is truth. Confusion clouds your judgement, you glide more and more to it, letting the lullaby suck you in, to its sweet little lair. You feel it suffocating you, drowning you in venom so thick that you wade in the foggy water. Pondering if this world is what you hoped it would be. What you have made, deep inside your head, pushing out, making out things that don't quite make sense. Yet you walk deeper into the unknown. Trudging on like a good little girl you are. Always doing what you are told, always pleasing others, upset when others don't like your presence, and that burden fills the love void inside of you. Tears, escapes the down sodden of your path, treading ever so lightly that a feather can conceal its identity.That becomes your conscience in this dark and murky palace. Slowly squeaking its truths back into your head, into your body, to get you out of this world you are walking in.
Painful thoughts, memories slowly rises inside you, overwhelming your feelings to what this world is made of, you try to see through a different pair of eyes, to get a good grasp on or lays upon this world. Will any of this go away? Or will this stay with me forever, making me its prisoner, chained and bound to this world I have made. What will become of me when I grow old in here? Will anyone miss me, or even try to find out what has happened to me? This is some of the things that drift through my mind, trying to block this stuff, yet she wont keep still inside my soul. Sigh

November 19, 2010

Some interesting things on PBS World

Well i was watching PBS World earlier today.. and there was a show called Secrets of the Dead.. and it was on Sinking Atlantis. I have always loved reading this in history and after that always wonder why it had sunk and what not.
Some say it is from a volcano and others say it was sunk by water. Well today they were searching the ruins and the land of Crete. It is where the city was suppose to be... and was coming up with some theories that it was the volcano and saying why it was. Which it had it valid points. Which i had thought it was the reason why they had died out as a culture i guess you would say. But the more they went on and was exploring the shores they found crustaceans and coral in the foundation of the rock wall. Which was really interesting. They finally went to say that the only way that could be is if high waves come up and threw them there. They went with that theory and it was heading and saying that it was a Tsunami had hit them after their neighboring island had a really bad volcanic eruption and made huge waves around. Which made a really huge Tsunami around them... hitting Crete wave after wave.. within 24 hours. They also found in the foundation cow bone, pottery,parts of house in it.. which is from a Tsunami.
I would of never known that it would be like that.. but the more i was watching it.. it really made sense. Plus watching this.. made me think of the book i was reading.. by Marion Zimmer.. which hit the spot with this. Its really good but sad.. as of what had happen to this civilization. Anyways this is what i thought of what i watched today. Till next time............... Ariabelle

November 18, 2010

Alter Ego Poem by Anthony and Ashley

Trapped inside this lonely soul
I look out, through the slatted bars of my prison

Pondering upon cloudy thoughts
that quickly crash into thunderous tides of emotion
unleashing the hidden depths of rage that rose

who slumbers silently, within this pit of hell behind my eyes?

this demon, I call my parasite, my alter ego

This ego of mine
who holds the keys, the secrets of my being
beyond these reflections of false light

imprisoning me
stealing away from me, my heart, my mind, my soul

This monster Clutches unto these secrets
deep inside of my soul
onto the darkness which erodes, to never know

keeping me shut out
from peering in, to this putrid heart
in a sinful garden, where my memories grows
and it's always dark

Hoping that I'll run away
will never know, never learn
of these dark worlds inside

and purify her through my innocence, her aching heart which abides

but she doesn't know, to the tune my heart beats, bleeds
the keys that my pocket keeps, deceives
to her downfall, her broken soul

as I wander through the detours and roads
deep down into the furnace of coals
of my discontentment and nightmares
she's blissfully unaware
that I dare, to know myself

and I ponder when she will realize
who's the culprit of her demise
lurking inside, spilling these secrets, demons to life

and perhaps, all she will ever hear is the sound of my writhering lullaby
screams of anguish and insanity
as I find out the true me that resides
beyond the obscurity of the whys, the forgetful sighs

and her duplicitous personality cries to the rhythm of my eyes

November 14, 2010

Feelings on the weather..

getting darker and darker each day... while some snow comes and goes yet my feelings stay the same.

November 13, 2010

Something on IMDB.. that kinda got to me

Well ive been going on IMDB. Internet movie data base looking up one of my favorite movies.... White Oleander and this came up in the discussion boards....

Person asked: Im so sick of women sitting around and talking about their emotions and etc.

Well when i first read this i just rolled my eyes and said here is another troll on the IMDB just whining and what not. And it is a troll but after about two days it came popping up in the back of my head. This came to me while working on my sudoku .

Well okay well if he hates women emotions then i can say this without making him mad.... I hate every man who sits around whining and showing their emotions. Its basically saying the same thing. Why does this society today have to stereotype so much?

Our society has told us that women are the ones who are to be breed, cook stay home, fragile and let our emotions control us while men on the other hand have to work, stay outside, hold in their emotions and then let them explode. Yea pretty horrible stereotyping to me.
We all have emotions and we have to show them no matter what. So why does it matter if you hate them or not.. then you really shouldnt like human beings in the first place. Or maybe its because you have a grudge on women and think they are all like this. Well wake up.. this isnt true at all.

We all have emotions and we show them.. some do it more so than others. This world only wants to see the labels that we put on people, the stereotyping we do and etc. Blinded by what they have experienced or what they think or been brainwashed to believe in. We really need to get our of this rut and open our eyes to what the world is really like.

Anyways this is my opinion once again of what was on my mind for today. Till next time


Thoughts on a Saying.......

The saying: Why but the cow when you get the milk for free.

Well the reason im pondering on this is because it comes up a lot in the Christian chat room 10 that im in. This goes to me and a few other regulars in here and it made me wonder why they say this.... Was laying in bed about yesterday or so and this popped up. I was wondering how and why this saying came to be.. because it not true at all.

Okay This day and age we have players, wannabes and etc... but its always been like this but now its more so than anything. So when the chatters say to me and others.. well you arnt married but living together they say this saying. Like they will never marry us and what not.. just want the sex and leave. But what they dont know is what is going on in our lives.. but what we tell them. So how can they observe what our mate is doing and etc.

Most of these people in here are hypocrites because they say one thing and dont even do it. Like they say oh you need to be married and then he will be faithful to you and whatever. But they have told me and others that they have been divorced about five times.. and the guy just wanted the sex and go on.. so why give us advice when they were horrible at that... Hmm because today and probably earlier in life... humanity has done this.. point the finger, judge people so it wont be on them.

I think they should really not give advice at all because of this.. For one they dont know what is going on in our lives. Like mine for instance... i cant get married right now because of financial problems and so on.. so its why im still engaged and others have their own reasons.. but if you really love that person and been through so much like me and my fiancée then you should really just be quiet and observe not say anything.

People should really observe more, open their eyes and look at this world in a different light than what they see it as. Because then they would never say this saying in the first place.. and etc.
Just my thoughts on this... till next time..


November 5, 2010

Depths of my soul by Ashley and Anthony Souls (me)

Why does everyone
want to pick the locks that holds the depth of my soul

everything I do is wrong in their
soft angelic eyes

telling me the wrongs
the disillusions of my own world
are all lies

that I made my world a hell
and I made a deal with the devil

but who knows the depths of my soul?
Who knows the inner workings of my brain
heart and soul

Not those who think these things about me
who always wants to point out my fatal flaws
scars that I made in this world

Thinking that isolating me
will make me vulnerable/naked
so I will follow every little word they say

But what they don't know
is this....

I follow God and my heart
and it tells me to be my own person
and not rely on peoples words

where they all spout lies and deception
twist and turn the truth
for their own personal gain

and in the dark, dank, and dreary corner of my eyes
misery lurks around every corner
trying to bury doubt deep into the cracks of my brain

To sip every drop of my soul
till the only things left inside me are
empty and broken like a wasted rag-doll