About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

December 31, 2011

List of what has happened this past year...

Well as the year is coming to a close soon, i thought it would be good to write up, almost everything that has gone on in this year. Hopefully i can remember quite a bit of stuff. So, here we go.

 New recipes with Daddy.
loosing a lot of weight and keeping it off
bonding more with Daddy
leaning on God more
Understanding Daddy better
Understanding me better
trying to keep temper under control

annoying ass people getting into my business
breaking out a lot from things im not suppose to have
uncle being really hateful
worrying about money and food
worrying about being homeless
feeling like i retreated all the way back and become my old self
having to listen to Daddy on some things
getting sick really bad
family being hypocrites

need to work on;
 my temper
learning to listen more to Daddy
leaning on God
having more faith in God
need to try and mend my mental problems
my slight eating disorder
push myself to not be shy
not to be so anti social
work on my inner control
work on my depression and evil thoughts
work on my not having nightmares

things that i wish would come true this year coming up next:
getting good jobs
having O/our own house
doing more of the lifestyle without worrying someone is going to come into the house
getting married
starting a family
leaving damn family behind

things that happened in the lifestyle:
lots of new things, spanking wise and such
got hurt on accident, which is still healing slow and hurts
being a better slave
taking care of Daddy mentally and physically
learning what W/we like and dont like with the new stuff

Hm, this is what comes to mind for me. There has been a lot of things that went on this year, mostly a lot of bad things, which tried and trying to erase as much as i can. I just hope, and i get a good feeling, that this year will be a good one. I wish everyone a safe and wonderful New Years eve. Until next time...

December 30, 2011

Liars who want one thing.....

ja=jack ass

ja:do u have yahoo msn or skype?
me:i have yahoo and msn
ja:wanna chat on either one of those?
me;sure, but wont cam and such
ja:ah..u broke the cam lol
me:um no, im not allowed to do that nor do i want to
ja:thats cool
me:and most people who ask for messenger always want that, so im speaking up ahead of time
for that
me:yea, if you still want to chat, i can give you it
me;okie dokie
me:hm, well i know that was a decoy as in leaving. so have a good life.

I just love people who lie to me. As in the conversation above, this person just wanted to cam and what not. I notice lately that people on wire club, or any other places just want to cam and cyber a lot. So, i made up my mind, that when people ask me for my messengers, im going to always bring that up. 

As this person didnt like my responce, he just gave a fake answer and just left. I love how people are always predictable. It's like everyone has a one track mind and its kinda sad that i see how it goes. Why i posted what i posted. But i think what annoys me is that people are so two face. 

It's like okay, sure we can chat and then say brb. Okay, i waited for about twenty minutes and the dude never came back. It would be good, to just say up front im just going to go and cam with other people. Isnt it that hard to do? Apparently it is for a lot of people. Until next time..

Fake Domme in the lifestyle......

ee:Hey Miss S what do I sound like to you? I need a Mistress perspective
S:like a moran
ee:whats moran? or you mean moron?  well your half right
S:man you are annoying you never ever correct a Mistress
S:thats a big one that slaves forgot the Master or Mistress is always right
me:not always
me:its good to correct lol
S:my slaves know to never correct me
me:lol, then how are you going to grow and learn in this lifestyle?
ee:i apologise
S;my spelling is bad and they know that
me;and what about other ways, than spelling/
S:nothing there to change i am not a mean as you used to think i wass
me:this lifestyle is about growing and learning
me;and with that, you have to be corrected at times and such

Okay before i get into this conversation here, i want to give a bit of a background on these two and then i will give my opinion on this. So, lets start with S shall we. Hm, well I've known her for about a year now. And i hate to say she is a fake Domme. She started out having oh six slaves in one day and in the same day all of them but one left her. Also, in the year, she has gone to being a sub to a Domme to quitting the lifestyle to lying to slaves and etc. She is as fake as she comes and she will never understand truly what this lifestyle is about. 

In the beginning we had a big fight, because i called her out on her fakeness, and which i still stand to that ground, but had some hm, common ground where if she stayed nice to me i stay nice to her, but of course that didn't last to long. But, as you see in the year, she has, i would say about twenty slaves and all of them don't stick. She would punish slaves for slipping up and not capitalizing her name and etc. Which is really unnecessary punishment. Okay, mostly i have to say on that bitch, on to the next person. 

I've known him for about maybe two years at least. He is hm sorta fake but can be genuine if he wanted to be. He whines quite a bit, saying i want a Mistress and etc, but of course always winds up with the wrong people. So, you kinda get to see how these people work. 

So, as yesterday came, this conversation came up. Now, a fake Domme would say exactly what she said. That there is no room to improving, and correcting from her slaves and such. So, of course i had to step up and talk about this. How can any Dom or Domme grow and learn if they are not corrected? Not everything they do is right. So, it is our jobs as slaves to tell them, look this is wrong and etc. 

And for her to say that, just proves how fake she is. It's like, well your annoying as hell, because you are correcting me, well that happens in real life. You get corrected for a lot of things. Sure, id not like to be corrected but it improves you and makes you a better person.And being in this lifestyle you are going to be corrected a lot. 

So, it makes her fake for saying, well i don't need to be corrected or need to learn from this lifestyle. Well, i thought to myself on this, then you shouldn't be in the lifestyle. As she likes in this lifesytle is being pleased sexually, as she admits she doesn't, but we all know that is a lie. Because all she does is whine and complain that her slaves are not good and worthy of her presence. And always getting rid of them, and countless times me and other people in the lifestyle always tell her, she needs to stay out of it. 

And she has for maybe a week but then she gets right back into it because she loves the sexual stuff. Which is pathetic if you ask me. There is more to it than just sex and what not. Why i butted in, which i don't really do that often. But, i had to say something because it makes me think, how can she be a good Domme if she doesn't want to learn and grow with her slaves? 

Just kinda gives us BDSM'rs a bad rep because of people like her. Just kinda sad, sigh. Until next time....

A deluded person......

da=dumb ass

da:ok this is how lovers do start from friend ship to lovers
me;well it wont happen here though
will i pray so 
me:lol it wont happen for us
i am engaged and owned
da:if u say so
me:well you cant swade me in that
lets live it to god to judge
me:um look
i am engaged and owned
i have the love of my life
stop deluding yourself

Why is it that people can not take a hint that i am engaged and owned? It's like it goes in one ear and out the other. It's like, oh, so it doesn't mean you are taken, so i can do what i want and you have to oblige to that. I don't think so. Being engaged and owned, means i am taken and i hate to break it to you, but i have a wonderful bond with Daddy. And for what He has done with me, I'm not going to throw all of that  out of a window and go with some jack ass i don't know. 

I'm not that dumb people. And it makes me angry that people cant take the hint to leave me alone when i say it about five or six different times. All that does is bring up a lot of problems for me and i really dont want to deal with them at all.

And in the beginning of this conversation i agree to it. That sometimes friends can become more than just friends. How me and Daddy first started out, but please do not delude yourself into thinking I'm going to be more than a friend to you. I already have the love of my life, and all i wish to have now, is friends, nothing else. But, people cant comprehend that. 

Also, something that just occurred to me, is this: why does everyone want me? Not saying that im all that, but every person i have talked to online, and even in real life, it's like they all want to come into my life, and be my boyfriend or husband. It's just a bit strange in what they see in me, since I'm nothing special. I'm just me, and i don't think its something to fawn or fall all over. But of course just what i thought up of. Until next time....

Ignorant kid trying to talk to me.....


ja:whats up babe
ja:lol i really wanna see what u look like 
ja;cant find a pic of u lol
me;not allowed to post them at all
ja:lol why not?
me:my lifestyle and rules i follow
ja:oh like a personal thing
me:a bit personal, but lifestyle as well
ja:what u mean
me;bdsm lifestyle, hence my id name
me:and owned
me:yes, bondage,discipline,sadistic and masohism.. power exchange
ja:isnt that porn lol
ja:sure haha
me:hm, think what you want
me:i really dont care
ja:just trying to understand u stranger lol
me:how about being a grown up, instead of being childish

Hm a while back had this conversation with what seems like a child. I really hate when teenagers hit me up and asking about the lifestyle and what not. When i talk about my lifestyle is it to have an adult conversation and not a stupid childish one. Which pisses me off.

As you see, what i hate first is someone calling me babe. I am engaged and owned, it says it on my profile so leave the babe and dumb ass pet names to yourself. I'm not yours and never will be. Then on top of that, trying to get pics so you can judge my looks and see if you want to talk to me or not, will not get you on my good side either.

I just love how people do not read profiles or id names at all. There is a reason i picked out my name, it means that i live by it and usually i will not answer dumb ass questions. Now, when i talk about my lifestyle, it would be good to ask questions about it than saying oh its porn. That just pisses me off, because i take my lifestyle serious and so should you or at least have the respect that goes with it.

Yet, that makes me think lately, and how funny it is. People who are in the lifestyle and i mean the real people have more respect than dumb asses who are not in the lifestyle and I'm starting to wonder why that is. But, yea, at the end i just told the person off, because I'm getting tired of all the silliness that shouldn't be going on, when you are trying to understand people and what not.

I don't mind you asking questions and wondering how this lifestyle works, but you know there is a degree to that. When you start to just assume things, i think its time to step away from me. Because i am a human being, doesn't mean i have to be around dumb ass people who just want to make fun of this lifestyle and what not.

You may think this is a minor thing, but for me it is major. Would you like someone making fun of your lifestyle and just judge you for it and not learn about what you do in it and such. Well its the same with me. Sigh, and with these type of people, it will always be like this. Until next time....

Conversation about what if Daddy quit the lifestyle....

Daddy: I noticed that I am getting out of the phase
Daddy: of wnaitng you to do anything I want
Daddy: and forced fantasies
Daddy: and mistresses
Daddy: and other slave
Daddy: stuff
Daddy: lately, It doesnt appeal to me as before
Daddy: its strange
me: yea
me: can i ask a question
Daddy: Whats that
me: well you said, lately you dont want me to do anything for you and such, saying its not interesting and what not.. you wouldnt quit the lifestyle would you? because it kinda made my heart drop, beause i love the bond we have
Daddy: I thought it would make you
Daddy: happy
Daddy: that I dont feel like
Daddy: having other slaves
Daddy: and talking to mistresses
me: ohh
Daddy: and making you do anything
me: that is what you meant
Daddy: truely evil
Daddy: lol
me: lol
me: i thought you meant me lol
Daddy: ?
me: well i thought you meant, stop doing the stuff with me
me: not all here really
Daddy: no, but I did have the thought
Daddy: like am I getting
Daddy: out of this lifestyle
Daddy: because I feel like
Daddy: its against God
Daddy: or something
Daddy: like
Daddy: wondering
Daddy: if I would stop doing it
Daddy: it crossed my mind
Daddy: which is weird
Daddy: cause you brought it up
me: yea
Daddy: I wasnt sure
Daddy: not really sure
Daddy: if I would stop it
Daddy: I love doing it with you
me: same here
Daddy: but another part of me
Daddy: feels like
Daddy: Im doing something against God
Daddy: and its making me
Daddy: worry all the time
Daddy: if it was against God
Daddy: I would stop
me: its just a lot of worries and such honey
Daddy: wouldnt I
me: yes you would

As you can see with the conversation with Daddy, it was a bit of a sad conversation. Since lately He has been going through a lot of things, with me helping Him and what not, that this discussion came up. In the beginning of the conversation i thought He was talking about U/us and quitting the lifestyle, why i didn't say so much and waited for the time to ask about it. 

But, i found out, it was with other things that He wanted to quit and not quit the lifestyle with me. It has made me think for a while now, that would i accept Him just as my fiancee if He decides not to be in the lifestyle?And each time i think this, the more i become sad inside. As you see, W/we both love doing this, but it is normal to take a few steps back and think are W/we sure W/we want to be in the lifestyle and etc. 

But, i think in the end, if He truly wanted out, i would support it no matter what. I would still be myself just not as submissive as i am, but then again, i don't know on that. It is the only thing ive known since meeting Him and it would be hard getting use to that if it did happen. 

But, as you see, the struggles that W/we go through in and out of the lifestyle, and why people need to understand that it isn't all fun and what not. This is a lifestyle and it deals with a lot of emotions and a bond that is there. And the decisions that Dom's and slaves go through with their Dom's and what not. 
 It can be frustrating as hell, but it is rewarding and i can see how upsetting it could be, loosing your Master and not knowing where to go and what not. Sigh, just how things go. But, i wanted to write on this, about my feelings and thoughts of what Daddy said. 

It would be heartbreaking if it did end, and a lot of huge serious talks about it and making sure that this is what He wanted. But, as i have concluded, i would be by His side no matter what, because i love Him dearly and nothing is going to make me leave Him. Until next time...

December 29, 2011

Another person who thinks they love me......

sai;it is night there?
don't be upset
i am always with u
i love u , u r the one who takes care me
chat with me on wireclub. i will have to sign out. ye
me:im not upset, i had to do some things with Daddy

Hm, just wanted to put, how crazy people can be. The whole point i wanted to point this out, is how can i take care of someone i do not know. I have talked to this person a couple of times, and yet they delude themselves into thinking I'm this wonderful and amazing person.
 Yea, i can be wonderful and what not, but not to people i do not know. Again, this shows how i am a magnet for crazy people and still wondering why they come flocking to me. At points, i just want to be by myself and not all these crazy people trying to come into my life.  Guess this is just how my life goes. Until next time.....

People who think they know me.....

ama:i am fine
you always Sick dear
why that
me;just what happens
ama:no about you
yesterday you was sick
today also
me;yes, i ate bad meat
control your mouth 
im not going there
mange your food
me;excuse me i do
learn to think before you speak
ama;why you say like that
me:because its true
you need to learn to think before speaking
since you do not knwo what is going on
my english knowledge is not good
sorry for that
me:mhm its okay

Okay, where do i start with this conversation. Ah, i know where now, lets see this guy Pm's me on facebook, asking how i am. I'm not going to lie and say i am good and what not, just not who i am. And of course the dude is like, you are always sick. Well duh, I'm in a home that is nothing but a huge humidifier, so I'm going to be sick. When people make the environment hard on me, my immune system goes down.
 So, you wonder why I'm sick most of the time. Even as a child i have always been sick. Always in and out of the hospital, so it is just who i am. My immune system sucks, so bite me, if i keep saying im not well and what not.

But, lately, me and Daddy ate bad turkey, without ever realizing that it was bad. So yes, i had a bit of food poisoning and then a few days after that, my immune system went down big time, because of that and other things. So you can kiss my ass if you don't like me saying how i am.

After i said that, he goes on to saying i need to watch what i eat and manage it. I really hate when people tell me this. It brings up bad memories for one and i am watching what i eat. Hell, all you are going to do, is make me go back to my eating disorder ways and i don't want that at all. So, i get onto his case because it pissed me off, that someone is trying to tell me what to do. All its going to do, is make me not want to talk to you at all.

I just love how people think they know me so well and what i need to do in my life. It's like why should i live my life, if everyone knows me better than myself. I think, why don't you live it for me, and see how you like it. what i don't get is, why does everyone want to get into my business and think something totally different is better for me? Until next time.....

Crazy people.....

ay: i like to se all your new photos ??
me: dont have photos
ay: send for me your link
au: in my spece ??
me: um why, there is not pics up there
ay: really i miss to se your photos
me: well i dont have them
ay: do deleted all them ?
me: yes
ay: but why
ay: it is so beautful
ay: photos
me: i already told you why
ay: i swear you dont told me
me: yes i did
me: at least five times, every time you asked this
ay: do what evr  you want do
me: yes i will
ay: but dont get angry about  me ok
me: hm, im getting annoyed not mad
ay: do you know i love you ok
ay: right
me: how do you even love me
me: if you do not know me
ay: know we are friends now for long time
ay: i se your photos
me: but you do not know me at all
ay: and we chating for long time
me: not really
ay: and you told me about evry thing befor
me: no i havent
ay: and i resbct your feeling
ay: you toled me befor your cusen rep you and have sex with you right
me: i didnt bear my whole soul to you
me: so you dont know who i am, nor how many sides i have
me: all i did was give you what i wanted and that was really nothing
ay: i know
me: so how can you love me, if you dont even know who i am truly
ay: but it is make me loveing you
me: how
ay: i know your very nice and i know your boy friends he very sick now but you dont want to live him
me: lol, like i ever want to leave Him
me: but what i show or type
me: is what i want to show
ay: and i know you have very very nice heart
me: it doesnt show any other side
me: you do not know who i am
ay: is se all your photos you looking very very beautful woman in all the world
me: pictures dont tell who i am
me: lol
ay: i know
ay: but if i have you i eat all your boody
me: um no
me: and ew
ay: i swear you looking very very beautful

As in the post, this is another person who thinks they love me without ever really knowing who i am. So, had a conversation with this dude, who thinks he knows me inside and out. One thing i hate is someone expressing their undying love for me. 

I think it is funny, that being engaged and owned, i have a lot of people flock to me(not that i think im all that and what not). Just saying it as i see it. But, it makes me wonder, when someone puts up that they are engaged and what not, that they try and take them away from the person they love and such. It always makes me wonder why they try it in the first place. 
 Yes, I'm in a chat room, but that doesn't mean I'm here to cyber and what not. Just funny how people think and what not. Until next time.....

oh, people.....


ja:have you left ur bf
me:no, why are you asking that
ja:can you use skype
me:no, i want to know why you asked that.. and no i don't use it

Now, this will be a short little rant, but i need to post this. A few days ago, when asked this, i still couldn't comprehend why someone would ask me this. But now i know why. I reread the conversation and basically what it is saying between the lines is this. So, are you single now? And if you are, can i see you.
 I just love how people really are. It's like they don't want to get to know you as a person but to only have sex or cyber, and just leave when they want.
 This is what is happening in our world now. It's not like they want to meet people now, its like how many people can i get my kicks off and that is it. Just kinda annoying that most people will do this to me. It's like a slap in the face for me. But, as they come along, they come off the list and out of my life for good. Until next time.....

Persistent clingy people....

me: i cant do that
me: hell
me: i already told you why.
me: im not allowed to show cam or pics
me: and no i did not promise at all
me: um no
me: i am engaged and owned
me: that is why
me: um for one, stop with the damn weird emotes
me: two, you dont know who i am
me: nor my needs and wants and such
me: so you need to back off

Okay, as you see, we have a very weird and clingy person. Which i hate with a passion. Of course first thing he spouts is, he wants my pictures. As i have mentioned over and over, i can not and will not give my pictures out. So, it will always be a no, unless Daddy says other wise. So, he asks well why, they always do, sigh.. and of course i have to explain it, but of course no one understands it at all.. hm.

Now, this is a clingy person because he spouts out a lie, that i promised him i would give him my pictures. Which i know for a fact is a lie, because why would i promise him and no one else my pics? Hm,i just hate people who lie and tries to play mind games. Look out because i know when you are playing them, been in an abusive home for so long, that i know all the tricks there are.

Next part is a bit weird for some of you, but of course this makes my hm probably billionth person to ask me for marriage. I love how they try to do this to get my pictures and what not. Its like i cant get my way, so lets play another mind game and say we will marry them, when we get the pics or etc we will just leave. Yea, i know all these tricks, why of course i said no. Yet, these type of people always persist.
 So, he asks well why. Hm, this will make me answer in a sarcastic way. Like i said in the pm, i am engaged and owned. So, I'm not going to leave my Daddy, who has helped me out so much, to a person who doesn't know anything about me. Yea, that would be a dumb ass move, now wouldn't it be. But, i love how people are, they always say, well i wish i was like you or have a slave like you, or i love you and such, and never know who i am. It always gets me, it's like, sure, i show one side of me, because i choose to, but what goes on in my life is more complicated than being happy all the time and such. I have more sides than that and i choose who will see them and who will not. So, that is why i always give a sarcastic ass answer.

But, i wanted to show this, for the sole reason that these people are always in my life. On the Internet and in real life. Every time this happens, i feel like i have a huge dumb ass or weirdo magnet on my forehead. I am still trying to figure out why they always come to me to talk or what not. Still boggles my mind, but the only solution at this point that comes to my mind, is that my submissiveness is out all the time, so maybe they are picking up on that and think they can do what they want. Who knows for real, well Until next time....

December 27, 2011

Someone trying to give me advice....

oo:i wanna know every about u
the good and the bad
me:well we will take it slowly lol
oo;ok sounds good
me;well hm, lets start with, who i am... i am a slave in the BDSM lifestyle
owned for four almost five years, to my Daddy/fiancee
oo;what u mean BDSM lifestyle?
me;Bondage,Discipline,sadistic and masochism.. power exchane
oo;is it company?
its a lifestyle
oo;and what you mean by slave to it?
me;im not a slave to the lifestyle, im a slave... in the lifestyle.... as saying
me;im the bottom, take orders from my Master
me;so what
oo;what is those orders
me:everything that falls in line with my hard limits and such
oo:like what?
me:well it can be from just listening to Him, to making food for Him and et
oo:whatever asking you you ll do it for him?
me;yes, the falls in the limits
and my morals
oo:so is it religious things you doing?
me:no, its not religious, its a lifestyle
but i do believe in God and i have morals
so those things go before Daddy
oo:ur master is ur father?
me:no, Daddy dom
oo:sorry but i think daddy mean father?
me;no, it means Daddy Dom in the lifestyle
oo;what is the benefits to it?
me;power exchange, love,bond, growing,learning etc
oo:with whom exchanging?
me;power exchange
with Daddy/fiancee
oo;daddy fiancee?'
me;i just told you
Daddy Dom
oo:he is ur fiancee?
me;yes, my Master is my fiancee.. instead of saying Master
oo;how you become a member?
me:well you have to really want to be in it, because this lifestyle is very dangerous.. and you need to know what or who you are, and the limits and such
oo:tell more about it
me;well for each person it is diferent and what they do in the lifestyle. But me and Daddy, are sadomaoschism...
which is love to give and receive pain
this is where it can become dangerous
oo;how you give love and receive pain?
me;i don tknow, ive always loved the pain.. always been a part of me, but receiving it, is easy, you just take the whippings and such, with consent
oo;till you get bloody?
me;no, not for U/us
He does it til i beg to be forgiven, which can take some time, and i can be bruised from it
and a little bit of scratches here and there, but that is about it
oo;he does with others too?
just U/us
oo:wy u do not do normal sex?
me:well for U/us its not sexual, but i will give you a question, what is normal sex?
oo:i mean comes by nature
but no pain
ni hart
me:lol it doesnt mean that this isnt normal for me. everyone will have a different explaination, of what is normal sex
darling i wanna give you advice
me;sigh and what is that
oo:our body and health has givento us by ALLAh god and we should take care to it
and you have mind use it on the right way
me;rolls eyes, and i do take care of it. and i do use it the right way. Being in this lifestyle, doesnt mean i am sinning and such, it is who i am
oo:get the answer from your inside once you done with i am sure you ll get a feeling and i am sure it s bad feeling
me:im doing exactly what is right. ive been doing this a long time, and you dont know much on it. So, i wont take this advice at all
oO;so do not let this guy you call him master using you for his desir
me:rolls eyes
i think you need to back off of that
since you do not know exactly what you are talking about
but one day may remember my advice and i hope you will not be late
like i said
im not taking this advice
since clearly you do not know what you are talking about
oo;he is beating youu to get sexual desire and you call it lifestyle 
me:rolls eyes no
there is no sexual stuff to it for one
two, its not desires and calling it a lifestyle
oO:look to ur self and the world around  do not loose you young age doing some thing not normal
me:for you it is not normal
for me it is totally normal
but of course that is society for you
always saying, that if you are not having proper sex, which is one position, then its not normal
and i pity you for being a clone to that
oo:do not warry about me or our society
me;oh im not worried at all, im just stating facts here
me:and what kinda makes me mad, is you trying to give me advice in something i have known for a long time, and what is and who i am
and what question is that
oo:how many people in this lifestyle
me:a lot of people
oo:hw mane
me:im not sure how many
its more than a hundred
that is all i know
me;but there are a lot of them
me;anyways why do you want to know
how many people are in it/
are you going to say, we are all sick in the head or something
oo:just give me aproximitly number
me:i dont know
why do you want to know so badly
may we stop talking about it?
me;shrugs, but i will not stop saying Daddy/fiancee and such
me;because it is showing respect for one, plus it is who i am, and this is my lifestyle
how the rules go
oo:who made roles?
me:the roles, oh people who started this stuff, back in the nineteenth century, which was sad...
but rules, well Daddy made them up
and with each Dom or Domme, will be different rules
and orders
oo:out of this what you do in ur life?
me;out of what? in the lifestyle, i do a lot of domestic things... if that is what you are asking
oo;yes tell me
me:yes, i am a domestic slave, with also being a maoschist as well
me:domestic slave, is cleaning, cooking, basically being a home mom in a way, but with orders and such.. and a masochist.. is love pain... so do a lot of whippings and such
me:im looking for work
oo:u live with parents?
me;no i live with Daddy/fiancee and His uncle
oo:hw old he is?
me:He is 29
oo:u r going to get married?
wy u said it s dangerous??
me;because it is
for example, with the pain and such, there are things that go on.
for instance, choking, drowing and such, you gotta be careful
also, another thing is, i got hurt on accident without Daddy communicationg to me that He was going to do something, and i have two lovely scars now lol
oo;how accident happened?
me;well, Daddy came up behind me about two months ago or so, He was going to bit my neck, but i didnt know what He was going to do, i fought back, and of course fell on a stupid piece of machinery
im still hurting from that, to this day
oo;r u happy?
truth plz
me;yes, im very happy
oo:getting hurt for no thing??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me:that was an accident
they happen from time to time
oo:i hope you wokeup before ur life get over
me;rolls eyes, this isnt a phase, this isnt something i don tknow what goes on
im not that stupid
oo:i am really feeling sorry for you and people likeyou
me;i know who i am, and this is my lifestyle
i dont need pity
i dont need anything
i am jus tputting out who i am
and the thing i want back in return, is people to respect my lifestyle and like me for who i am
oo:being nervus means u r doing wromg thimg
me;im not nervous at all
im very calm inside
and i know who i am
whether you think im doing something wrong
im not,and who i care
who judges me is God
and Him alone
oo:you should follow god roles 
me;i do
and God doesnt think this is bad
oo;not some one called dadd
me;yes lol
whether you understand or not
doesnt mean you have the right
to say i am in the wron or not
youa re not God

Okay as for this person i was talking to, i still don't understand why they wanted to know who i am and such, if they are just going to place judgement on me anyways, and try to give me advice when they do not even know what this lifestyle is about. This is one thing i do not like about people. They always say, i want to know you, completely, but as you see, all they do is want to see your good side and not any other sides at all. Why i put do you want the good and the bad, because i know how people are.

So, we are going to go through this a bit, and go a bit deeper into my thoughts on this. Now, after telling the guy what my lifestyle is, he asks if it is a religious or company.I'm not sure why people who do not know anything about this lifestyle will either think that or something completely else. It's not a cult or anything so why ask that kind of question. I guess it just boggles my mind on it.

A question i have never got til now, is with the whippings and such, does Daddy do it til i am bloody and the answer to that is no. W/we do not do permanent damage, i.e. scars and such. Also, W/we do this lifestyle without trying to bruise me and what not, which in most cases cant be helped but W/we are not the insane type who does it til i bleed pretty bad. Just not who W/we are.

Hm, i get asked this question a lot. Why don't you like normal sex.And my answer is always this, well define normal sex. Because normal can be defined in so many different ways. I just hate how people ask me, oh so being in the lifestyle, is just a freak thing. It's not normal and what not. Well for one, i like to be abnormal, since almost the whole society are clones. I love the lifestyle because it is who i am, and what W/we do. So it gets on my nerves when people tell me, that I'm just a freak who needs to learn how to be normal. Why do people want people to be clones of others? What happened to the culture and diversity that use to be? Shakes head.

The next thing that gets me mad is people who wants to give me advice when they do not know who i am, And what makes me more mad, is that people think this is all in my head. Like i am deluded in this horrible nightmare that is suppose to be my life. I hate how people assume things in my life, or how i am, and think.

Wasn't that the whole reason the guy wanted to know who i am? Instead of telling me who i am? I hate when people try to tell me how to be, if i wanted that, i would of stayed back at parents place. There is a reason why i have a mind of my own. There is a reason why i have thoughts and a personality. It shows that i am a human being, and i know what i am doing in my life. Sure, you may not understand who i am, or how i live my life, but that does not give you the right to try and sum me up within a few talks.

This will get you into some deep trouble with me, and my Domme side comes out, and i become a bitch.Yet people are shocked when i become mean. It's like for them i have to be this perfect little doll and when i show any other side of me, its like, who are you? And then just leave. Why i don't get along with a lot of people.

I think that is why i don't fit into this mold, but then again, i don't want to fit in anyways. I am happy where I'm at, and i love my life. Sure, you don't understand my mind and why I'm in the lifestyle and what not, that does not give you the right to judge me. I don't judge you so why do they do it to me.. it boggles my mind.

I'm not sure what or why Daddy's age has anything to do with this conversation at all. But i do know a lot of people ask that question and do i know Him and etc. Hm, most people will not know who He is, since he keeps to Himself. But, also, I'm still trying to figure out what His age has to do with marrying me and such. Guess that will always be a mystery. Oh well.

But in the end, i love how this dude says that i am a sinner in so many words, and that i need to open my eyes and see that i need to be in a 'vanilla' lifestyle to be with God. That is another i become a tiger on. Is this. I have written that i am a Christian as well in the BDSM lifestyle. That doesn't mean i am a sinner and that God doesn't allow it at all. What W/we do, is fine with God, even if you do not agree.

If you don't,then keep your opinions to yourself and let God judge me and Daddy on what W/we are doing. Plus, if it was so wrong, would God help U/us in O/our life? God wouldn't do that, if i was sinning big time. But, with this,i think people need to keep their own opinions to themselves on this. Even after i give you a piece of my mind, you don't see me, giving you advice on stuff.

Plus, i think people need to learn how to think before speaking. Yet, that will never happen. People always wants to be nosy and butt into people's lives. But, as you see in this pm, you get to see how the majority, who finds out that i am a Christian and a BDSMer. It's like a big shock for them and you have to go by all these rules that society has made up. I think people should stop going with what society wants and be who they are. But anyways, Until next time.....

conversation on marriage and jobs...

ssd=some stupid dude

ssd:so u r single right
me:no, engaged and owned
ssd: good
ssd:so in some time u gonna get ...
me:gonna get what/
ssd:so then after some time a child
me:yes, when W/we have financial stability and such
ssd:ooo till then
ssd:good thinking
me:just have to find work, and when W/we do have sex, be careful and protection
ssd:when ur married no need of protection
ssd:coz its safe to have sex with a single person
me:yea, but it will depend if W/we can afford children
ssd:isnt ur fionce
ssd:dont he has a job
me:why W/we are not married
me:a lot of people are loosing jobs and such, and hard to find any work
ssd:so why u engaged with a guy like that
me:because i love
me:Him with all myheart and soul
me:i dont care about money
me:i care about Him loving me and such

Okay as this pm goes you kinda get the jest of what this topic is about. Talking about marriage and jobs. Not a great combo for me lol, as you can see. As in this pm, you get to see how people think and they assume on things. It's like they live in a deluded world, thinking that after marriage, it will be a perfect world where you can have children and not worry about things. Some of these people need a wake up call.

So, basically talking about that and how hard it is to find jobs, which is the truth. If it was easy, W/we would of already been married, on O/our own and etc. But that isn't the case at all. So, i was giving my opinion on it, and he has to say, well why are you engaged to Him.

This will piss me off a lot, which it still does. I hate how this society looks only on status and money.You do know that in a marriage it is more than those two things, correct? So, why look for those things in a person? All it is going to do, is ruin a relationship big time, if that is all you are looking for.

When i searching for a best friend, i was not looking for money and status at all. I was merely looking for someone who could accept me for who i was. And that happened to be Daddy. To this day, sure W/we have a hard time with things, but what gets U/us through,is the amazing bond W/we have for E/each O/other. If W/we didn't have that, W/we wouldn't be together to this day.

So, it really makes me irritable that people will only look for those two things instead of what love is. Which is hard work and having a bond with that other person. But of course people don't take marriage seriously at all anymore and it is really sad. Well, Until next time......
ssd:oo if thats the case than its correct

December 26, 2011

People and their reasoning.....

da=dumb ass

da:u i think male
me:lol you can think what you want
me;i really dont care
da:cool madam
me;i am calm
me;lol, i love how people think im mad
me:when im calm
da:hei whats ur problem
me:im tired of people taking everything i say, that im upset or angry and such, when they say absurd things
da:please tell me u r male r female
me:you should already tell what i am
da: u r a girl right
me:good job
me:~pats your head~
da:reply me fast
me:um no
da:u know my profile
me:i dont know
da:then y u chat wit me
me:because its good to chat

I just love how people think of one thing and fixate on it. Had a person keep asking me if im a girl or guy, because i do not put up pics and such. So, each time people will ask this, i will give them a stupid answer, as in, i don't care what you think or etc.

But, i think what kinda gets on my nerves here is that lately i have a lot of people asking me if I'm mad at them or that i need to calm down. I don't get agitated that much, so it kinda makes me upset, that people think I'm something when I'm not. Even Daddy has this problem as well, and at times it gets annoying with it.  I just don't get why people think I'm one way when I'm not. Maybe its my actions, i don't know, but it does get a bit tiring.

After a while and him doing conductive reasoning, he got it right and i had to be sarcastic to him because he just couldn't let it go at all. This will happen with a lot of people, who ask dumb questions, who gets fixated on one thing and etc. It is annoying for me to repeat a lot of things, it is annoying to answer obvious answers.

Then he goes on to ask well why are you chatting with me. A obvious reason to that, don't you think.Just had to leave the pm because it was just so stupid with all these dumb ass questions and what not. But you get to see how people are with me and how they persist in my life. Until next time....

Family, oh family

It's kinda sad to know ill never have the whole family get together for Christmas eve and Christmas. But, being with my mom and dad only, always makes up for it. At least I know that part of the family loves me. The rest can get over themselves. Except for one of our cousins.

sister: I'm not being hateful. I'm just tired of seeing it... No family to spend it with, so why be all cheerful? Just another bullshit day, nothing special about it. Only thing, happy birthday Jesus. That's about it though. You wouldn't blow my wall up with that, would you?

Okay, i saw this a few days ago on my sis's facebook wall. Yes, i do look from time to time to see how the family is acting to see if i can be able be family again. But i saw this, and i have to shake my head at this.

I see on Christmas day that she is all moody and what not. And it is reference to me, in a subtle way. Saying that it is my fault that im not with the family. That it is my fault that she cant have a good Christmas and what not. I hate when family whine about this.
 Because it makes me think, well why do they only love or miss me on one holiday of the year but for the rest of the time, they can hit me and call me everything in the book. So, how does that make sense that it is my fault that im not with the family. Just doesnt make sense at all.

She tells this to a friend of hers, that she cant spend it with family so why be cheerful. Hm well that makes me think, all the times we were nice and what not to each other it was a fake happiness. So, it just shows how evil my family is, and that it is sad, that the only time they want to think of me is on this holiday.

I guess my hopes of becoming a family is a fail, but that is okay. I have wiped my feet from this family and will make a new family soon. Until next time....

Annoying people

dude:so, Ash
dude:what is your dream?
me;well, to get a good paying job, house of O/our, as in me and Daddy/fiancee, home, have a family and etc
dude:uh huh
dude:sounds like a great plan
dude:there is about to be a solar eclipse in australia
dude;i better go if i am to catch it soon

Okay this person annoys the hell out of me.Why ask questions if you do not want to hear or read what i have to say. This really does annoy me, when people do this, and act like im just a low life and such. I don't have too much to say on it, as it just annoys me, and that he makes up some lame excuse to go away.

I think next time, people need to learn, and reflect before pming people, are you going to listen to people or just waste their time. If it is the second one then leave that person alone. Yet people do not want to do that at all. Until next time....

A very good conversation with a nice person.....

cp=courious person

cp:you started the christmas drinking yet?
me;no, i dont drink
cp;ah that solves that for you then
cp:is that because of religion or just personnal preference?
me;um because i dont need to drink all the time. I only drink sometimes
me;also, only so much money, goes for food not booze ;p
cp;yeah fair one
cp;so what do yuo look hun?
me:um, i look like myself lol, well 5 6, dark brown hair, blue/gray eyes and becoming skinny
cp;lol becoming?
me:yes, loosing weight
cp:thats going to be hard over christmas
me;no lol
cp;must be strong willed then
me;well that and little food here lol
cp;that would do it
me:yea lol
cp;what you got planned over xmas?
me;um, just making the turkey, praying to get more food, and watching movies with Daddy/fiancee
cp;daddy/fiancee??? is that 2 people?
me;BDSM lifestyle, no one person
cp;and your actual father?
me;Daddy dom
cp;haha phew!
me;why i put it like that
cp;ah makes sense now
me;yea lol
cp;so your into lots of naughtiness then i take it
me:um, i wouldnt say naughty, just regular stuff lol. Sadomasochism stuff, nothing sexual and such
cp:ah, its something i dont know a lot about to be honest
me;yea, a lot dont
cp:tell me more about it, educate me
me;okay, well where do i begin lol
me:im better with questions and such, than outright saying
cp;yeah sorry its a real open kind of question
me;its okay
me;well i can give a round about thing first and can go from there
me:well bdsm is bondage,discipline, or domination, sadistic and masochism.. in those terms, it is power exchange
cp:yeah we'll go for that
cp;and you like to be dominated?
me;yes, i do
cp;and does that involve being tied up?
me:for the most part, no.. but it does make it exciting if someone is bound, but for me and me:Daddy, mostly pins me down, or i have to hold still
cp:and is sex involved or is that not the thrill of it all?
me:for me and Daddy, no sex at all, but for others, it is involved in it
cp:so being tied and pinned, does that make you wet or is it a different pleasure?
me:it can make me wet, but it is also a different pleasure as well, how can i say it without me:sounding so weird, its like you can feel the power exchange which is a thrill
cp:i get it i think
cp:does it ever involve pain for you?
me:yes, always does
me;i am a masochist, while Daddy is the sadist
cp:where do you draw the line?
me;well for me, it is when i cant take it anymore, mentally or physically
cp:wow, so can go far then
me;yes, i can
cp:do you ever have anyone else involved with you and daddy?
me;no, this is just me and Him
cp:so what do you like when it comes to sex?
me;um well ive only had it three times, and still slowly getting into it. But, i like to be me;pinned and Him takin control
me;but like i said, still working on it
cp;how do prepare yourself?
me;well mostly it is trust with Daddy, and then just not thinking about it and such.. mostly how i prepare for things
cp:whats your normal day to day relationship like or is it always in the fantasy?
me;this isnt a fantasy, this is a lifestyle.. and im a 24/7 slave, no off switch for this
me;my day to day, is cleaning, cooking, and taking care of Daddy, seeing what He needs and such
cp;wow... what do you work as?
me;im looking for work
me;even when i do find work, i will still be a slave
cp;fair play must be heaven for you though because your living all your desires?
me;um, its not all heaven lol. Its a lifestyle, and its very hard work
cp:does daddy work?
me;no, He is looking as well
cp:so your working extra hard because he's at home lol
me;um yes and then again no
me;no matter what it is challenging and frustrating at times, but rewarding lol
cp;so are you wearing normal clothes or chains and stuff?
me;i wear normal clothing, but i also wear my collars
cp:sorry about so many questions
me;that is okay
cp;have you liked this sort of thing from childhood?
me;um yes, i was trained in it, when i was young, family stopped at 13, and from there, i was always curious if i was actully wanted to be in it still, or be in a 'vanilla' normal relationship
me;found out, i didnt lol
cp;trained in it?
me:my mother trained me as a Domme, to have the mental stuff for a Domme, like the slave or so to do anything i wanted and such
me;and my dad wanted me to be a slave
me;do what my husband wanted and such
cp;are your parents into it too?
me:well my family are hypocrites.. they deny being in it.. yet they have the tendencies of it
me:brb Daddy needs me
me;hold on a sec, need to brush His hair
okay back
cp:all done?
cp;seems like a very good deal that daddy has?
me:it is for the both of U/us ;D
me:well its true lol
cp;so i have another question but its very personnal
me;lol okay
cp:if you dont want to say than no worries.... were you abused as a child in a simular way to what you do now?
me;um, yes, i was
me;i was sexually, physically and mentally abused
cp;how did you feel about it all at the time?
me;i was very confused. I didnt know why i did what i did, and to this day i still ashamed for it.
cp:do you think that you do what you do now because you feel its what you've always done and how you are or because you get a genuine pleasure from it? do you think you would do it even if you didnt have the past that you do?
me:yes, i think it is a genuine pleasure from it. I think no matter if the abuse had happened, i would still be a slave in the lifestyle. It is my identity
cp:do you have friends over often or do you tend to be shut away?
me;um, i dont have friends, because its hard to find real real friends... and if i did have them, they could come over whenever they want ;d
cp:right i'll try to stop asking questions now, sorry lol
me;you can ask as many as you want
me:its good to learn and such
cp;i'm in a more vanilla type relationship as you called it, but i love anal sex, what would you make of that? read some things about it and some people say its me wanting to dominate, i dont know myself, just know it turns me on
me;hm, i think its more of a vanilla thing. doing anal, doesnt mean you like to be dominated and such, it just spices things up. plus, its normal and hm how can i put it... i guess vanilla because more weird things most people say happens in the lifestyle
cp:does daddy ever go further or push more than you feel comfortable with?
me:yes, this lifestyle is always pushing the limits, and such.. so yes He does
cp;is he violent towards you by beating you too?
me;not violent, but yes whippings and such goes on in O/our lifestyle
cp:and how do you feel about that?
me:i love it. there are some things i dont like, like slapping my face and what not, but i do love whippings and such
cp:my step mum and brother were beaten so thats something tricky for me to get my head around to be honest
me;yes, i was abused as well, hitting and such
me:and that is one thing
me;a sadistic Master or Mistress needs to put in
cp:where it is, that can be called abused...
cp:must be a fine line between living the lifestyle you want to and being abused
me;there is a very very fine line for that
me;if Daddy ever stepped across that line, it would be the end of it. And i think that is why, most people are so against the lifestyle
me:they think that all whippings and such, is abuse
me:when its not, it is consent and if the slave cant take it, they say the safe word or what me:not, and the Master or Mistress will stop. and i think that is where people cant get their minds around
cp;people find it hard to understand something then they seem to find it harder to accept it
me:that is true
cp:so what about when it comes to sex, do you have normal sex or is there always pain or domination involved, how do you get your sexual enjoyment?
me:well im still working on that, since it is hard for me. But, i guess you can say it runs in the lines between the both.. vanilla and the lifestyle.. i like it light at first, but i also me:love it when He dominates and does what He wants
and then when it progresses i like it rougher and such
cp;how long have you both been together?
me;five years
cp;and have you always been like this together or is it something that you've discovered together?
me:um basically been like this for the five years... but a year of training with Him... but also this is
me;hm a growing, thing for U/us
me:as in He is my first Master and im His first slave

Okay, in the beginning of this conversation i thought this dude was a bit crazy, as i will explain the first part of the conversation in a minute. When talking to him, i thought, oh jeez here we go again, but as the conversation went on, he was actually pretty nice, even though i think, he thinks I'm a nut.

So, in the beginning, he asks me if i drink, which i rarely do as with money problems and such. And the first thing that comes out of his mouth is, is it a religious thing. Why would it be a religious thing, when all it is, is drinking. Sure, i drink once in a while, but how did ever pop up into his head. So, it kinda annoyed me to even explain my reasoning to not having alcohol at all.

The next thing that comes up, which annoys me a bit, is what do you look like. I know this society relies on pictures and visual stuff, but why does it always, and i mean always have to come up.It's like almost a slap in the face. Why talk to someone, if the only thing you are going to ask, is what do you look like and such. It just gets on my nerves quite a bit, since that question and can you show pics is another annoying one.

Well, talked about me loosing weight. Yes, i am loosing weight for me and also it is one of O/our rules. So, kinda talked on it, which is a hard line for me, since i am very conscience of my weight and what not. He asks, well its going to be hard to keep on your diet because of Christmas. But it's funny.You can still be on your diet and eat what you want.. what it takes is the porportions you use and that the stuff be all natural and what not. And most people don't want to keep on their diets at all. 

I notice the next question is always popping up. Is Daddy/fiancee two people. At some points i can see with logic why they ask this, but for most who are in the lifestyle, should know what this means, but they don't. So this is where the lifestyle comes up a lot now. 
 Every time i mention my lifestyle, i always get, well arent you a nympho and oh your are into kinky sex.The whole point of this lifestyle, is the power exchange. If it was all about sex, wouldn't they say that, or power sex instead. I guess it kinda annoys me to a degree of this question. I guess because me and Daddy are a slim number of people in this lifestyle who practice it without sex. So, i guess in a way, it kinda offends me, but then again, not. 

Whenever i say what BDSM means, i always get, this kind of question. Oh, so you do the bondage.I don't see how people think i am into the bondage part of the lifestyle, as it is not my thing. So, it kinda makes me wonder why this question comes up a bit. But, as i have to say, W/we do the last part of the acryomn.. which shocks a lot of people. Surprising huh. 

So, being pinned and such, makes you excited or gives a different type of pleasure. I have never had this type of question before and its a bit interesting. For me, it does make me excited, but what i love the most of it, is the power exchange you feel that surges through you. It's kinda hard to explain that part, if you do not practice in this lifestyle, but it is a very exciting thrill. 
 With being a masochist, there will always be lines to cross and lines that you can not cross. This is where it get a bit more complicated and a bit interesting as well. As a masochist, before you ever find a Dom or Domme, if you are into pain and looking for a sadistic type of person, then you need to look deep inside of yourself and find out what your limits are. Yes, slaves/subs have limits, and that is where you need to say, stop and etc. If you don't have this, then you can get hurt, emotionally and phyisically. Also having limits, is to find out where your breaking points are, and to have those, so you wont or your Dom or Domme will not cross. So, it is interesting when someone asks me this, because most dont get this far in talking about this lifestyle.  

I'm going to combine the next two into this paragraph as it is going to be a bit small. I get a lot people asking me this question a lot. Do you involve anyone else with you and your Daddy. And the answer is always no.The reason behind that, is that both me and Daddy think it is not wise for U/us at all. It will for one ruin O/our bond with E/each O/other and also, doesn't show the loyalty, respect, honor and everything that goes to having a Dom. So, when people ask this, they get a shock value to it, since they are use to people doing this.  And the next question how do you prepare for the punishments and the lifestyle. For me, it is going to my core, and pushing my mind into thinking something totally different. It is like shifting the pain to something else, and that is what i do. At times i will prepare myself, by holding my breath and know that the whippings will come, but with the other stuff, it is the first thing. Make me think something else and put that pain somewhere else. 

I notice a lot of people think that this lifestyle is fantasy based, and for some people it is only that. But, for me and Daddy, this isn't a fantasy, this is a lifestyle for U/us, and as you see, i am showing a bit of what i do on a daily basis. It may not be as wild as other slaves duties and such will be, but this is what i agreed to This is who i am, and i love it. 
 I also notice that a lot of people ask this question. Do you work? It's like a lot of people believe wikipedia on what BDSM is about and not getting their info right on that. Sure, some slaves do not work because their Master's don't want them to. But, i highly advise slaves/subs to get work. It shows that you can still be independent and when things don't work out with your Master or Mistress, you have something to fall back on. I think it is really important for slaves to do that, just to be independent and not a robot in this lifestyle. I do know that most people will gasp on that, but i think it is important to have an identity and being yourself.

I think it is funny when people say, oh it is heaven to have all your desires fulfilled and what not. I hate to bust people's bubbles when it comes to this. This lifestyle is very hard on both Masters and slaves. This isn't a game, and this is dealing with emotions and mental capacity. So, its not going to be heaven all the time, and I'm not sure if people will understand that at all. 
 I have never gotten this question before... asking I'm working double hard right now, since i dont have work. I guess in a way, i am working extra hard and then again not. The reason i say this, is because as a lifestyle there will be slow days, and then days that are really full and busy. At times i do work extra hard and the reason being is because i love Daddy and i want Him to be happy. That is one thing as a slave i strive to do, is to put a smile on His face every day. Sometimes that is hard, but i do try my best on it. But the reason i say no, is because it doesn't feel too much extra work and that is probably because i have been doing it for a very long time. lol

The next question always makes me chuckle. Again we see that things are being assumed and not understood if slaves do this or not. As i have stated i am in clothes all the time, the only thing different with my outfits, is i wear my collar, or my bracelets, bangles and such, that Daddy has gotten me to show that i am owned.  When i clean i do it in clothing, and not in chains and such. Yes, i have done some cleaning being tied up, and it was interesting, but that was only once, as it wasnt a thing for U/us.

It's been a while since i had this question. Yes, i have been interested in this lifestyle since i was a child and the reason to it, is because i watched a lot of movies and tv shows that had undertones or such in the lifestyle and also family training me. I notice that a lot of people, and even people in the lifestyle, always raise their eyebrows to this. Yes, i was trained at a very early age, in this lifestyle, even if family thinks they are not in it. For some reason my mother wanted me to be like her, a so called Domme. I think she knew i would never be a Domme, but she had to try in some way, i guess. All and all, she didn't like my answer to who i am.. and i cant say sorry for who i am. 

Are your parents into the lifestyle, is what i get every time i say that i was trained by them. And my answer always stays the same, since it is the truth. I think they are hypocrites and practice it, just dont want anyone knowing, not sure why though. And at times, i wonder why did they choose to train me, and not my sister. But, you cant ponder on those kind of thoughts for to long. 
 I also get this question as well. Were you abused as a child, and the answer is yes. For reasons i cant comprehend at times, but it is what it is. Not that all people who are in the lifestyle, will have abuse in their life. Like an example, Daddy. He was never abused and He is in the lifestyle. 
 How i felt about all of that as a child. As i stated i was very confused and at times i still am confused. With the rapes and with the lifestyle kinda mixed into it, i always ask myself, why was i so compelled to do what that person wanted. Why did i obey, is it because it is who i am, or is it because i didn't want to get hurt more so than i was. And i still cant answer that question at all. But, at that time, with the abuse and the lifestyle, i was confused, i was awkward with things and wasnt sure, if i was a freak or not normal at all. 

do you think that you do what you do now because you feel its what you've always done and how you are or because you get a genuine pleasure from it? do you think you would do it even if you didn't have the past that you do?
This one is a good question to bring up. For a very long time, i thought i was in the lifestyle because i felt compelled to it and that i was trained to do that. But as i progressed and still progressing more and more into this lifestyle, it is a true genuine pleasure i get from it. It is a part of me that will never go away, and most people cant understand that at all.

I never had this question before and its a bit good to have different questions to be answered.It is interesting about this question. Like i answered if i did have friends, they are always welcomed to come over, as it would not be a problem for Daddy and me. But what i would like for future reference is that even the friends W/we make, who are not into the lifestyle, will respect U/us and not judge U/us at all.

The next one is interesting as well. Most people think that having anal is only for BDSM and that isnt true at all. I know a lot of vanilla people who do this, and i think it is more of a vanilla thing than the lifestyle persay. Only reason people say that it falls under the lifestyle is because it is not a one way position and not a good outlook for it. And as for people saying it is to be dominated, they need to think again. All it is, is a different position and what not. I think people need to stop trying to give everything a deeper meaning than what it is.

The next three will be in this, as it is pertained in the same category. Does Daddy push you to an uncomfortable place and such. And the answer is yes.In this lifestyle, it will always be like that. It is to push your boundaries and to learn more and different things. It shows you that you can bond better with your Master and such, but also, to grow more and more. 
 As people think that sadomasochism is viloence when it is not. I mean it can be, with the wrong people, but with the right and sane people it isn't. Of course Daddy is not viloent at all. Does ashpea get punished, yes she does, and there are always reasons for that. There is never a reason that i get punished for nothing i have done. 
 And, how do i feel about this. I love getting whipped and such. If i didn't then i wouldn't be able to do any of this. Sure somethings may make me think of my past memories, but that is where you push through your problems and come out as a better person. I know some people think this isn't right, but for me this is who i am. 

How long have you been together. As i have said, W/we've been with E/each O/other for five years. Four as His slave and the one year in training. For some people, will think well that isn't a long time in the lifestyle, but in reality it is, but that doesn't mean, I'm not bonding or growing with Daddy still. 
 And, have you been doing this from the beginning or just now.And as i said just before, W/we've done this since the beginning. There was about two months that He didn't tell me He wasnt in the lifestyle but when He did, that is when W/we started this. Ever since then, it has been a lot of good and bad experiences in this lifestyle, and how W/we get along and such. This is a tedious learning and growing with Him, but i love doing this with Him.

At the end of this conversation i think the guy thought i was crazy or something because it seems he just made something up and never came back to talk and what not. I'm not upset or anything, but he did open up a lot of questions that have never been answered and what not, and good to have a good conversation with an open minded person and not feel like you have to hide or feel ashamed of who you are. I wish all conversations would go this way, but of course if they all did, then it would be boring, huh. Until next time....

People who think they are better than everyone else rant

ja=jack ass

ja;really bored in my life
ja;make me fun
ja:make me some laugh
ja:if u can
me;idont know
ja;wat u don't know
me;to make you laugh and such
ja;u girls r waste
me;excuse me
ja;u don't know how to make a guy happy
me;look bud
me;for one i am engaged and owned
me;two, i do not make anyone happy unless it is Daddy
me;maybe you should keep your damn opinions to yourself
me;fucking dumbass
ja;wat the fuck
ja;u talk so bad
me;so what
me;you are talking bad about girls
me;but that is okay
me;yea, okay hypocrite
ja;i'm not talking abt bad
me;yes you are
me;saying girls are a waste
ja;i'm telling the truth of girls
ja;and that they cant make guys happy
me;um no
me;you are just staying your egotistical pig opinions
me;saying girls are a waste
ja;i'm telling the truth of girls
ja:and that they cant make guys happy
me:um no
me;you are just staying your egotistical pig opinions
ja:u r geting angry with me now
me:not mad, im telling the truth on guys
ja;that no no
ja:i'm saying the truth
me:its the truth
me:you dont like it when its turn back on you
ja;no baby
ja;i doesn't turn on me
ja;girlz r girlz
me;yes it does
me;and guys are guys
me;which are pigs
me;who cant make a girl happy
me;or please them
ja;oh oh
ja;just wait there
ja:who the hell said guys don't make happy
me;now how is mad
me;you dont like it do you
ja;we r the guys who die for the girlz
me;and its true
me;they cant make a girl happy at all
me:lol yea right
me:in titanic u haven't seen a guy dies for a girl
me:and we girls
me;always do what guys want and to please them
me;lol that is a damn movie
me;guys are just pigs
me;that is what they are
me;nothing but that
me;while us girls
me;are superior
ja;it's a real story base movie
me;lol no its not
me;its historical fiction for one
me;which is made up
ja;us girlz r damn fucker
me;with loosely based history
me;no you guys are just fucking jack asses
ja;u girls have big ass holes
me;lol while you have limp little cocks

Okay, since i not going to highlight anything in the conversation, i will do this instead. So, a few days ago, i had this conversation with this guy. He thinks he is all that and what not, and wanted me to entertain him. Well, this doesnt go lightly with me at all. As you can see in the pm, i give all i had on this dude, because he is being a pig and he needed to learn his damn lesson. 

So, what started this huge fight or what not, is that he wanted me to entertain him.That is a big no no, since im not allowed to obey any, nor do i want to, and i told hi that in the best possible way i could. And i get, well girls cant please a guy. My first thoughts are this, why should girls please guys? We are not back in the fifties or so, doing that. 

We have a lot more going on than just that. So i set hi straight on that. When people think they are better than the other gender, you will go down and really fast for that matter. So, i start getting on to him, and saying that he is an egoittical pig, which is correct. So, i go on to saying that what about men, they dont please women for the most part as well, and not singling anyone out for that matter. All i was doing is just telling him, it could go both ways, than just what he thought. 

But of course he tries and reference a movie that is not really historical at all, and saying that all men are like that, when in reality they are not. So, as to conclude to this, since this is going to pretty short as the pm shows all of me and my fiestiness, you know what is going on, so i dont have to rant as much. 

But, i wanted to show, that even to this day, not all people are going to be wonderful and what not, and if you try to mess with me, try and bring some good come backs that make me speechless, or else its going to be useless. Until next time...

So called friends rant

RM:Wow Danuta encourages people to kill themselves :3 how lovely
me;well you did it for attention
RM;No I wanted proof and I use to cut myself ~.~ when I was younger
me;all tha tis going to do, is make people mad, like me for instance
me:using that to get proof on stupid stuff
Rm:oh that's fine
Rm;because since Im SUCH a horrible person
Rm:I'll remove you and Ruki
me;i dont care
P;gonna remove slave?
me;oh and unlike Danuta I won't kick you
me;like i care if im booted or not
P;remove people that dont care about ME ,because i CARE about them 
P:"and dont tell I DONT CARE 
Rm;She allowed that ass to continue to bully me
me;lol oh yea i did
me:sorry you got problems
Rm;Like you ~.~
Rm;you're name has Nymph in it
Rm;and Slave
Rm;oh god ;/
me;yor point
Rm;You're name reminds me of a @~%^% XD
me:and you are this shallow
me;shakes head
Rm:Actually shallow is when you think about yourself
Rm;and think oh I am great
Rm;which I am not
RockerXMiyuFor all I care I wish I could have died already ~.~
me;are we an attention #&%~$
me:there crazy nut on block
rm:Nymph is just a spoiled brat where daddy gave her everything
rm:%@@# it
Rm;Yes crazy nut dead
Rm; suspended SlaveWaterNymph from the room

P:and she dont write in my profile "get well soon"
P;when she was i give my shoulder 
me;maybe beause she is trying to survive and what not
me;have you consider other people's lives/
me:its not all about your world
me:and i see what kind of friend you are
me;and it is quite sad
P;you can ASK to my friends if im a FAKE friend
P:go ask to them
me;i know you are selfish and always whining
me;when people dont give you attention
P;selfish me:?
me;you have a lot of growing up to do
me;you whine all the time
me:why doesnt someone comment on my stuff
me;blah blah blah
me;h yes
P:like i told
P;ask my friend if im selfish
me:you are
P:if they im ,im
me:and you whine a lot
me:how about you pull yourself out ofyour world for a while
me:maybe you will get nice friends
P;im not selfish
P:and i know it
me:oh yes you are
P;i love to share
me;lol that is selfish right there
me;you always want something in return
me;that is selfish
me;yes, p
me;you just dont want to see
me;which is sad
me:and i love how you talk about people behind their backs
me;very friendly of you
P;i cared about you
P;like a sis
P;god see it
me;rolls eyes
me:see all about you again
P:m not a fvcking lie
me:shessh no wonder why you dont have friends
me;so now im getting under your skin
P:i have friends
me;you dont know how livid i am
P;but true ones
me;at you for supposedly being my friend
me;and when i get kicked out
me:you start talking bad about me
P;of course
me;yet tha tis very friendly of you
P:make me sad
me:backstabbing and shit
me;why dont you say it to my face
P;when we care about people,and they d0ont care about us 
me;instead of waiting for an opportunity when im gone
P:you know is true...
P:ts your 2 ID?
P:remember wire dont let have 2 IDS...
me;this is Daddy's id
P:you can get ban...
P;its ok
me;shessh, someone doesnt even listen at all
me:this is Daddys id
me:not mine
P:none of my business
me:then why bring it up
me;it's okay, when i get on my name, you are gone
me;i tried being nice and such
me;but i dont need this shit in my life
me;i have enough shit going on

Well apparently i deleted the most important stuff that was on suppose to be put on here, but i wanted to show how shallow people truly are. But, this is a pm, about people being total assholes.
 Okay in the first part of the conversation, a crazy ass girl was trying to pin things on me, when i didnt do anything that all.

So, i will begin there,shall we. Well, this girl was whining about someone being unfair to her in another chat room, because of stupid things. So, i mosie over to the other room to see what was going on, because i was bored and what not. Nothing of the sort was going on, just her being a troll really.

She came back to that room about four times with different names, and posted the first thing in that room. So, in the room she was in, i told her, that it was a bit attention whorish of her to do that. Because it is an attention whore move, and it does piss me off as well. Because i am an ex cutter and you dont see me doing any of this non sense at all, and it makes me mad when children do this. Just gives us a bad name.

So, i didn't hold back any of my thoughts on her, and she didn't like it one bit. Why should i be all nice to a person is fucking messed up?So, she goes and does things, as to what my family would do. Pick my name apart and say oh my gosh its horrible, since she has nothing else to go on.Which doesn't hurt me at all, just makes me laugh and shake my head, since that is how low she went to try and hurt me.

Then she goes to say, oh I'm not going to be like the other person, when she actually did it. I just love how people are hypocrites and think they are better than everyone else, when in reality they are just like those people, if not worse.

So, after i get kicked out of the room, i get on Daddy's name to see what is going on, and to chat with a friend. I get back in, and not even a damn minute goes by, that my so called friend talks bad about me. This is one thing that pisses me off. Is having a so called friend, talk bad about you, behind your back.

That is one thing i will not tolerate at all. And as you see, i get into it with him. I was tired of all his damn whining and complaining but being a good friend, i let it slide. But, i do some small mistakes its like end of the world. That is one thing i hate about people. All they want is to take and take, or give and want something in return.

And, this is what the dude clearly was. I'm so sorry, that my life is busy, and i ignore things in my life, and not talk about things because i don't want attention or to really talk about it. So sorry that i am trying to survive in this world, yet you say i live in my own little world. Yes, i had him actually say that.

All that does is piss me off more. It just shows me that you think, i am just wanting things and not giving back.And that isn't me at all. Why it makes me so fucking mad.It's like saying, oh, all she cares about is herself, when in reality i do not.

I give myself to my friends, right after God and Daddy, but of course people don't want to see that at all.So it makes me mad when people say all this bullshit. Yes, i have a fucking problem of giving my emotions or sympathy to people. For reasons as to why, its clear, when people whine and whine, i shut down. When people do not want to take my advice just a tiny bit, i do not give my sympathy or emotions at all. To tell you the truth, who truly wants to do that? Would any sane person do that? Because i think not.

I just love how people in wire club and every where else, are all the same and it is kinda hard to give any kind of emotions to them. Plus i get tired of people who are the type, look at me look at me, and if they don't get that, then they want to kill themselves or something else. Sorry, i don't stay around for that type of shit. Reason being, because i have enough stuff on my plate, than to hear you whine over stupid shit. I have a lot of adult things to do in my life, instead of dropping everything to hear you whine about how bad your life is... and when i try to do the same, you don't give a shit. So why should i give any care to people like that.

To this, i had lost quite a bit of friends, which i really don't mind, since I'm not really attached to them, but it did hurt me in a way. Of talking about me, when I'm not there and acting like you are my friend but then do that, it will make me upset and mad. As a friend online says, i can easily erase people from my life, i can do the same.

I know people come and go in our life, but a lot of people do not stay in mine, and you know what, i have already accepted that. So, that is why it is easy to accept them leaving, accept that no one will stay permanently, except Daddy. But, any who, Until next time....