About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

February 28, 2011

My thoughts on some chatters in Yahoo...

I had this happen in chat today, saying I'm a sick and twisted person for being in the BDSM lifestyle. It doesn’t make me upset or angry. Just a tad sad, because most of these people, who live a “vanilla” lifestyle, only think in that way, and think it should be that way. But in reality, their minds are closed to other possibilities for others. Like myself, I was raised to be a dominant at heart, but a slave to my soul. So it was a very confusing for me to pick which one I was. It took years to figure out, that “vanilla” lifestyle, just wasn’t for me. I know deep down, I have always been a slave, and I'm proud of it, because I can look Daddy in his eyes, and see that he is proud of me. That's what matters most to me, but thats what these people don't get.

They think since we are in the BDSM lifestyle, we don't have a bond at all. Just a lot of power exchange, and who gets what, when in reality, there is a very huge bond. I say a bigger one, than most married people have. See in this lifestyle, we come closer to our Master's or Mistress's because we have to trust them, and to obey what they say. If we didn’t have that trust, then how can bonds be formed, and to put our lives into their hands?

I mean, yes, there is a lot of fakes, and weirdo's in this lifestyle, but what place, or lifestyle don't have weirdo's? It takes a person, to get to know their Master or Mistress and to figure out if they are compatible, and from there if they will get along, and be able to do what they want. It takes a while to figure that out -doesn’t take over night to know, if they are the one for you or not. That’s where the trust comes into play. But how can a person who is not in the lifestyle know about that? They wont- but that doesn’t stop them for making their assumptions upon me and others, and what their ideal life is suppose to be. This is how close minded people work. They think they know everything in that area, but once you show them up, they get all haughty with you, or just become silent.

I just don't understand why they do this-put their foot into their mouth. But this is what the society has made them think. Can they not think on their own, and maybe think before speaking, or knowing knowledge on what they are talking about? I mean inst that common sense? Or is that thrown out in this society now? Are we suppose to think that BDSM is sick and wrong, and that “vanilla” lifestyle is the only way to be happy? Or that gays and transsexuals can be, but not BDSM or polygamy? How can we accept only a few things in life, but not the whole of it? Is it just how the world runs now? This has been on my mind for about a few months now. Been doing research, I guess you can call that- on how much BDSM is in books. I have to say there is quite a bit of it. So how can we not accept it, when its in books,movies and etc? I guess that's what boggles my mind. Maybe we can see things in a different light, and maybe,just maybe, accept things as a whole, and not half of it :) This is mostly what I thought about tonight, when people said I was a sick individual, for being in the BDSM, and not having a “normal Vanilla” lifestyle.

Pondering on people.....

Why is it, in this day and age, everyone is so scared of being who they are? Why is it so hard to take criticism to heart, and try to better people?

Are we so scared of being who we are, that we have to hide behind masks, that we paint on? Does it really matter, what people think, or do? Does it involve us, in what choices they make? I think people should be more themselves, instead what the society wants them to be. Shouldn't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in,and not what people actually think.

February 22, 2011

Bound to a delusional World Poem

What happened to this poor girl?
For her to break apart so easily
to wander in the cold depths of loneliness
of nothingness inside herself

that makes her wander this lonely road called home
to only find questions that are never answered

questions of unspoken desires
of unspoken dreams
that are impossible to fulfill this time around

Unspoken hopes that will never rise again
inside this broken creature who
struggles to find a place she can call home
she can say I'm at peace
I'm still now, no more wandering
though this ugly world by myself

yet she knows this is just fantasy
she knows they are just illusions
she has painted deep inside her soul

To comfort her spirit for the time being
So she wont have to pick herself up again
and walk this lonely world once again

To find home
To find who she is
To find what she is suppose to do

Will this ever happen?
Will any of her hopes
her dreams ever come true?

Or are they always going to be
broken, squashed to hopelessness?

She has always wondered will there be a place
in someone's heart, that can be home?
That she can sit quietly
and have to put up anymore walls
to safeguard her being?

Will that ever come true?
If not, What is to become of this girl?

If nothing will truly snap her out
of this so called shattered daze?

Will she be able to move on
and live like she has done so many times

to only take care of herself and the one she really loves?
Or will this not happen, and this false illusion crumbles/shatters before her very eyes?
Will she be able to stand up again?

Will she ever break the cold hard chains
that bind her heart
to this so called world?

that only grievance, misery, destitute
flourishes wildly in the waking dreams
she calls her memories

lost souls chide to her quick of life
You have false illusions
You have false memories
of what your life really was like

You had family and friends
that loved you so much

yet you threw it all away
Changing your personality
into this monster that you call
your true self today

Why do these thoughts, souls
chide to my being?
when all I want
is my heart to be still
my head cleared of haunting nightmares
that replay memories
that I want to simply wash from my mind

Blocking/erasing those memories
only takes away the impure imprints
that was branded inside
this meek creature
who's suppose to be human
yet inside her wires are
crossed with conflictions

Her mind programmed
to please others
but is this what she wants?

To be ordered around?
To serve those she despise so much?
In order to get on with life

But if she does this
her heart will always
be a broken watch

that will never tick
to the beat of her soul

Is this truly what she wants?
Is this the only way
people will love this doll?
Will this be the only way
to get noticed?

Is to be bound to a place that will never be a home?
Just to walk in the shadowy depths of a broken home?
Of a broken body?

What will it take
for her to rewrite her programmed body?
To what she wants in life
To do what she wants
to please herself instead of others

These maybe options for her to ponder on
though she knows already that this will never be

Yet a few things she will change deep inside her soul
is to please those that love her
to please herself, in order to find happiness
that should have been imprinted
a very long time ago

Maybe in the future
she will find a place , she can call home
and live a normal life,without any programming
without any doubts inside her soul

Hopefully she will be able to move on with life
to live her life the way she wants
and be happy for once
in her life.

February 18, 2011

Book one of many to come with B.D.S.M in it.

Well since I've been reading Mary Wollstonecraft, its been a bit boring, but I found interesting is that, she is suppose to be a feminist person. Yet almost every ten pages or so, there is BDSM parts in it. Ironic huh. Well I guess I'm researching my books now, to see how much BDSM is in them. So here we go on the first book.

Mary Wollstonecraft: A Revolutionary life by Janet Todd

  1. Page 185- In the next anecdote, a dragon, prevented from enjoying his nightly visits to a naked lady, found her out and ' with the folds of his body having first bound her hands and arms, he lashed the calves of her legs, with the end of his tail; expressing by this means a gentle and loving anger!

  2. Page 228- 'Call you this Liberte?-?- I feel it to be bondage- to be Slavery Personified- and e'er long expect to rad that Bastile is rebuilt to ornament the banks of the Thames'.

  3. Page 233- Imlay pursued her, letting her feel some dominance.

  4. Page 235- In London her reading had been dominated by review work.

  5. Page 235- With its portrayal of open desire, boudoir fetishes, and the titillating signs of sexuality, it was certainly the first book in which Wollstonecraft could have grasped not the sex act but the emotional, almost religious intensity of sex.

  6. Page 244- She had mad Moore's work back in London, found his travel writing 'ingenious', and his sadistic novel Zeluco full of 'Sound principles'.

  7. Page 252- Helen Maria Williams was filling her chronicles with the killings of the jacobin regime, individual acts of capricious sadism, state executions and vicious mass drawings in fake-bottomed boats in icy rivers.

  8. Page 269- 'I still continue to be almost a slave to the child,'she lamented.

  9. Page 270- She has now the advantage of having two good nurses, and I am at present able to discharge my duty to her, without being the slave of it. Next line in the book--- So, no longer the 'slave' to Fanny, she cheered up considerably.

  10. Page 276- “The common run of men have such an ignoble way of thinking, that, if they debauch their hearts, and prostitute their persons, following perhaps a gust of inebriation, they suppose the wife, slave rather, whom they maintain, has no right to complain, and ought to receive the sultan, whenever he deigns to return, with open arms, though his have been polluted by half an hundred promiscuous amours during his absence.”

  11. Page 313- She also showed little knowledge of masochism:”Who can caress a man, with true feminine softness at the very moment when he treats her tyrannically. Nature never dictates such insincerity,” she wrote in The Rights of Woman.

  12. Page 344-When Madeleine Schweitzer, her friend in Paris, lamented her dominating manner with equals, she remarked,' to her servants, inferiors, and the wretched in general she was gentle as an angel'.

  13. Page 352- She was not helped by Rousseau's insight, that adult sexuality, which seemed to require an imaginative transformation into an equal relationship of different beings, constantly became a tussle of domination and subordination.

  14. Page 383- In The Rights of Woman Wollstonecraft had blamed women for preying on themselves and others; concentrating more on material oppression, she now portrayed them less as weak tyrants than as slaves and victims.

  15. Page 434- The judge is unsympathetic, regarding marriage as naturalising male dominance and the law as supporting it, though the latter 'might bear a little hard on a few.'

  16. Page 435- A week later, she wrote to persuade Godwin to visit Johnson, adding coyly, when I press any thing it is always with a true wifish submission to your judgment and inclination.

  17. Page 05- Edward Wollstonecraft was a despot in his domestic kingdom, dominating the resentful childhood of his daughter, who would note her own mercurial moods and quick temper while never admitting the resemblance- though later she compared herself to Lear, that childish tyrant with three daughters.'

  18. Page 05- Elizabeth Wollstonecraft's chosen response of submission did not predispose her to appreciate other victims and she and her eldest girl took no comfort in joint subjection

  19. Page 05- The pairs of marriage were engraved on Mary's mind in this demeaning tie of father-tyrant and mother-slave, and the authority this mother naturally had over her was tainted by the vision of improper submission.

  20. Page 06- It was the immediate nuclear family that dominated her early life and lover life, when the disappointed her she had no obvious place to turn.'

  21. Page 08- In her public works he entered as tyrant, the embodiment of improper masculinity and weak despotic power, but also a yearning for a complicated tainted love which had as much submission as sustenance within it.

  22. Page 09- At the beginning of the century its society was dominated by country families who kept large detached mansions.

  23. Page 18- The huge Whitmore House was run by sadistic and grasping keepers, but this only became known later.

  24. Page 18- both rich and poor could be cruelly treated, the former debauched into idiocy, the later degraded into submission.

  25. Page 26- Mrs Wollstonecraft might not lover her best but, without Ned, needed her dominant eldest daughter to help keep peace at home and manage her increasingly irascible spouse.

  26. Page 41- For Fanny was no longer the 'instructor' and, now that they were together, dominance was shifting from the skilled friend to the assertive Mary who had already earned her own living outside the home.

  27. Page 42- Within the Blood menage she could give free reign to her dominating personality and with her parents, Fanny's younger brother George and sister Caroline, she was soon 'first', as she had never been in her own better-place family; each treated her with the most gratifying respect.

  28. Page 42-43- having been sensitised to tyranny and submission in her own dysfunctional family, she hated to see Mrs Blood maneuvering to keep the peace by carefully handling a man who contributed nothing to the general welfare.

  29. Page45-46- She did not wait to make her analysis but equated Meredith Bishop with the dominating Edward Wollstonecraft- probably hearing of his sexual demands since she mentioned his need of 'gratification'.

  30. Page 49- Her friend was always on her side but Mary must have suspected that the events of these days were testing her loyalty and that she might not be the best solicitor for a recalcitrant wife and her dominating sister.

  31. Page 50- She had wanted her mother's protection and not received it; she had admired Fanny Blood but now realised her own dominating spirit.

  32. Page 60- Also, many of the women writers who would dominate Wollstonecraft's era, Frances Bernay, maria Edgeworth, Hannah More, Germaine de Stael, and Jane Austen, had intellectual ties with fathers.

  33. Page 82- In its practice she perceived tyranny and slavery to convention.

  34. Page 87- But the clever, talkative and dominating Lady Kingsborough, disappointed her, and she realised the impossibility of their being fellows in anything.

  35. Page 102- In Rousseau's approach the (boy) child ought not to be oppressed into good behaviour but led to adult rational morality and goodness through his senses and needs:'there must be no submission to authority if you would have no submission to convention [later]'.

  36. Page 112- The preface even repudiated the most culturally respectable fiction Richardson's Clarissa, which presented a 'strong woman implacably defending her chastity and integrity through submission and self- destruction; it left out intellect, Wollstonecraft thought.

  37. Page 135- As an adult, Wollstonecraft hated the fuss and bondage of female dress; it was worse for a child and she graphically described little Mary struggling within a pair of stiff stays constructed of bones so tight she could hardly breathe.

  38. Page 153- Speaking forcefully, often caustically, with a heavy German accent, he must have been a dominating presence at the dinner table.

  39. Page 156- Fuseli prated much of his appetites, and was at the time he associated with Wollstonecraft painting his wife Sophia as domestic wife and dominatrix- perhaps he needed to believe that no single woman could be enough for him.

  40. Page 158- Her first mention of a 'lingering' sickness had been in response to the powerful effect of her dominating father when she was a girl.

  41. Page 162- In dissenting and liberal circles these aims were commonplace, but they became ominous through Price's vision of 'THIRTY MILLION' of [French] people, indignant and resolute, spurning slavery and demanding liberty with an irresistible voice; their king led in triumph, and an arbitrary monarch surrendering himself to his subjects.'

  42. Page 165- Burke was a 'chivalrous knight', owing proud submission to helpless ladies born to inspire 'pleasing sensations' in men.

  43. Page 168- How deeply must it wound the feelings of a chivalrous knight, who owes the fealty of 'proud submission and dignified obedience' to the fair sex, to perceive that two of the boldest of his adversaries are women!

  44. Page 171- Probably friend did not find her the job, which may have come through an agency, the sort dismissed as a slave market for the 'governess-trade' by the refined Jane Fairfax in Austen's Emma or perhaps through the news- papers, which advertised for companions and teachers.

  45. Page 172- He was all submission to her but she remained cool:[I] have said all I can say to rouse him but where can he go in his present plight?'

  46. Page 181- Madame de Genlis inculcated 'blind submission to parents'; her works were full of obstinate prejudices, and absurd rules of conduct'.

  47. Page 181- Women should glory in a weakness that allowed them mastery and sexual submission.

  48. Page 182- Women should not be slaves to 'love or lust'; Rousseau should not make them in this debased image.

Also I would like to add to this is that she has put so many of the same words into the book, and here they are- domestic,erotic,masculine,feminine, despotic, sexual, power, society, and weakness. There are probably more in this book but these are the ones I caught while reading it twice.

Hope you enjoy this. :)

February 8, 2011

Butterfly Submission poem

Lingering thoughts of excitement
of how the fore play will begin

with each little note
surprise and demise
unfold during the night

staring into each other souls

Slowly toying/coying
with emotions/sensations

That each soul
drifts into the waking abyss

Neither noticing
nor caring
where this waltz will take them

only pleasure gives way
to these immortal souls

Yet somehow/someway
He takes her by surprise

and slowly molds his delicate flower
into whatever he wishes

Craving the vampire kisses
yearning for more heated passion

Encouraging her master
to make her into his

Beautiful butterfly
before his very eyes

the perfect human
to his ultimate dream

Shivering in this delight
lays a wonder of mysteries
to unfold the oncoming days

Wishing those days
those minutes
would fly directly to her

to touch her master once again
to melt/mesh to his soul

While she cries and begs
for more attention
does she realize how much she needs him

Until the fog fades away
leaving behind only dew drops of memory
inside her soul

Waking up to a harsh reality
that only makes this facade
seem like a small part of her being

Sadness grows in the pit of her stomach
knowing her master will never return
until she lays her delicate head
back on the soft downy of her pillow

will she dream of him again
molding her into his perfect butterfly.

February 6, 2011

Day of Judgement Poem

Why do mortals always say
Go to church for if you dont you will be in great sin

When in fact those who do go to church
are more of a hypocrite than those who don't go to church

Those who know the bible inside and out
are more corrupted than those who do not

Acting superior than anyone else
looking down on those who may have a higher meaning than them

So why say this, when in fact it is a lie
that you may go to Hell
for not going to church

Does this make you a Christian?
Does this make you better than anyone else

if you sit in church
each and every Sunday
Acting like you are more holy than God?

Then others say, read the bible
it will be more sufficient than praying to God

When this in fact doesn’t help me console myself
when things get worse
and need something to hold on too
to know that I will be okay in this storm of mine

Yet they say I'm wrong for what I believe in
How can they say and judge this
When we truly don't know if it is right or wrong?

How can anyone judge us
with so many labels
but not look deeper inside each other?

Is it the society's fault?
Or is it the parents for bringing their children up
to be judgmental?

How can we change this
and be who we are suppose to be

instead of having stereotypical outlooks
that Christians need to go to church
need to read the bible

Are people who are Gothic or punker
all sinners, and leaves Christians out?
I don't think it does

Since sitting in church makes you love God
Since listening/reading the bible makes us have a more personal relationship with God
and make us better Christians in the world.

When in reality it doesn’t
So why judge others, when you do not want to be judge either?

Is it because you are insecure and need to lash out on others?
Need a different life, that you live?

What is it, because I'm sick and tired of it
Of all the lies and delusions spout of peoples mouths

yet this is what life is
A bunch of nothing

A bunch of lies
Delusions, and half truths
that will always be spread on Earth

Shouldn’t we try and change this?
Try to be more for God
than trying to hurt one another?

Spouting things that shouldn’t have truths
So who will stand up?
and ignore all these things in this world

Maybe it will be me
Maybe it will be you
But whatever you think and do, Do it for God
and live a better life for Him.

February 4, 2011

Pondering what could be and would be Poem

How can fantasy be so different from reality
taking you to dimensions you never seen

erasing all memories of another life
that was at some point a part of yourself

How can a blink of an eye, just disappear
without a cry?

People have said, Hope will give you all the things you need in life
yet this doesn’t comfort who I am

I know in my heart, that hope just puts fiction
into your knowledge of life
building up lies and delusions
for a future that will never be

Yet how can these people
give word to these utter lies?

Does this sit well inside their souls?
Does this make them a better person?
Thinking that this will make them who they are today?

I really don't have that answer
only a sinking doubt of turmoil
that resides inside this pitiful little girl

I have dreamed and wished
that all things would be better

But here again, fantasy and reality
are altogether just a spiraling doom

I wake up from hellish nightmares
chasing away hopes and dreams
that were once inside this girl
only to substitute those feelings into
what was suppose to be

Maybe I'm making things up
like some have put into this deflated head

I sit here, pondering on what could be and would be
thinking sure, life is grand

yet the world around me
crashes into a grimsome tomb

encaging this once magnificent butterfly
to dreams that will never come to be
only to put in her, what a world she sees instead

how can she make this go away?
Is this reality? Or is this a nightmare as well
to never be let free of the things that hold her down?

She has believed that this world she lives in
is just a test, that God will surly come for her
and whisk her away to Heaven

making all these illusions of her so called life
just a mere nightmare, that she couldnt wake up from

Maybe this is doubt again, creeping inside
like an acid that spills from deep inside.

Who knows these answers
that haunt her ever waking body?

Who can heal her
from a bitter and angry torment
that is slowly consuming who she is

Is there any relief to these kind of burdens?
Is there any comfort of knowing what will come
and what will not?
Will any lies quiet my mind and comfort my broken heart?

When I finally come out of a delusional state
I know that none of these questions lie within myself
but only come forward, when someone asks me these things
only will I let myself sink further into this depression