About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

March 18, 2011

On True Friends and what is on my mind

Hm i have never had true friends at all in my life, but this keeps occurring over and over. And its this.... So called friends, hold whatever you say to them in their hearts, and when a tiff comes along, they bring it up and hurt you and never say sorry for it.
They say things like this as well, you are running away from your problems and what not, and taking my parents side. How is this a true friend, if this keeps coming up? A true friend wouldnt hold grudges, reverse things on you and accuse you of a lot of stuff and never say sorry nor think about their words or actions. Why are people like this?
Why do people have to be like this? Why cant we be ourselves and express what we want, but not to hurt the other person. I mean yes, you wont be able to not hurt people's feelings, but you can do it in a gentle,polite way, yet people dont do this. And yet, its my fault,why i dont have friends, because i dont let stupid people in my life, who will use any of my past to hurt me at any time. That i have to be careful what i say so i wont hurt their feelings and what not and yet in the end, its the same thing. I get hurt, im the one who gets painted as the bad guy, but the one who has always been a good friend. The one who would back you up and not use what you say against you. Yet why am i painted like this? Is it because im different from everyone? Or is there something wrong with me? Because i dont see it, i really dont. I dont understand why this happens. I mean yes, i have a lot of trust issues, but if i can have a friend like my fiancee, surly im not doing anything wrong.
But why is this happening? Its like anything i say, here or anywhere, it gets reported to people, such as my family and friends and what not. Then i get hit for it and etc. Im not taking any abuse. NO I WONT DO THAT...and this is what they are doing. It is verbal abuse, and i dont stand for that. You can talk without hurting someone and be friends and what not. Yet this is what people do, hurt one another. We should speak the truth, but when we do, do it lightly and for the persons best interest. Dont have any malice in your heart or anger at all. Because all this will do, is make that person distance and have trust issues with others.

This is just a tidbit of what is going on in my life. That people want to do this, and why i dont put pics up, or talk so much, its because whatever i say, will be reversed on me and it hurts a lot. Ive had it since i was born, and i cant take another minute of it. So sue me im sensitive on my family background, i have a reason for it. Sue me for having trust issues and other issues along with it. We all have faults, but why is mine only being pointed out? When i point theirs out, its like no its not true and of course once again, reverse stuff on me. When you do things to others, what they did to you, they really dont like it. Some say im not an adult, im just a little kid, merely playing 'house' and that i will never grow up. well excuse me that i do at times act like a kid. The reason for that is what has happened in my life. Sorry i never had a real childhood and now, im wanting it to come true. Dont like it, dont talk to me. Its that simple. Yet this is another human fault, they want to waste your precious time on Earth.
Why dont we actually give some time to listen to others and help them when they truly need it? And when you ask, i want to truly get to know you, actually get to know the person and not make up all these excuses.

Sometimes i dont think i meant to be in this world. Like God put me here, but im not sure why. I really dont belong here, but here i am. Stuck in this time to figure out what im suppose to know and maybe just go to Heaven with knowledge and maybe figure out why i was here. Who knows. I know at times i put my feelings on my sleeves, sue me on that as well. I am a girl, a human who needs to get all this bottled up emotions out. I did it the wrong way before hand, its fine time that im going the correct way of handling my emotions. So how does that make me a child? If i know what im doing, but still do what i want? Does that make me a child? Or a mere adult, knowing full well what the consequences of not having friends and what not. It is hard at times, but when i look back im fine without them. I have taken care of myself for the longest and i will do just that. I mean yes i have a fiancee and God that i love a lot, but other than that, if i cant find a true friend, then so be it.

Im not here to please others. I have learned that lesson a very long time ago. If you are not happy, why keep up the masquerade of pleasing others? I know i have done this a lot, so i wouldnt get hurt, but i would get hurt no matter what it was. So you have to know who you are, and stand your ground or else you will crumble and just stay and please others, that you truly hate. I know a lot of people dont understand this part of me, but its who i am and my motto is, if you dont like who i am,then dont talk to me. I wont give you the time of day if its going to be like that and i have done this since i was a teenager. It has worked quite a bit for me, but others here need some kind of friends, even if they are fake. I dont see how they can want this, but if its what they need to be somewhat themselves well its good for them, i guess.
Im not saying im perfect, i just know what i want and need in this life. So if you dont understand this, oh well. Maybe one day you will understand and look back and ask yourself a lot of questions. This is it for now. Just what was on my mind for the night or week. Hopefully to write soon. Lambie

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