About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

April 19, 2011

Just a lot on my mind at the moment

Well like it says in the title, there is a lot on my or i should say me and fiancée shoulders. I'm not sure how much more i can take of this. How much do we have to endure before things get better? That im not sure. Sometimes i think only bad things only happen to us, but i know that isnt true. I look back and see a lot of good things as well. Just for some reason my brain wants to stick on the bad stuff. But what is going on, is that we have to worry about having a roof over our heads, wondering if we are going to eat this week or not. Wondering if we are going to get meds and etc.

Today i get the run around at the CHC. All because we dont have income so we cant show proof of income and each time its freakin hard to show what you dont have. My meds without insurance was going to cost about 22 dollars, (and for the people who have money, thinks this is cheap), guess again, when you have zip to your name, twenty some odd bucks is a lot. Trying to figure out how im going to show proof of income, got to come up with a weird statement, and then buy them. I live with my fiancée and his uncle, but the uncle doesnt help at all... but im hoping God will help soon with that.

Another thing that is on my mind is, I need to get a job, and soon. It has been almost three years since i have had a job. It is driving me nuts.Have to worry about so much stuff, and on top of that if you will ever get a dang job. I have had a lot of people tell me, well you need to go back to school. Hm if i had money in the first place, i would do that after i got my priorities straighten out.. But since i have not even a penny in my name, how the hell am i going to back to school? I have no grants that will help, and that only covers a bit of it, you have to come up with the rest of the money, and same with the financial aid the government helps out with. So im stuck in this rut for now.

For some reason God wants me to be here. I still dont really know what it is, only thing that comes up is that he wants me to go through this to know how it feels for others. It seems he does that a lot with me. This is just grrr.

Now lets go to my pain and meds. Oh the joy. Well i have primary dysmenorrhea, which is painful periods that affect your daily life. I have really bad side affects to this. I am on meds, which is etodolac and herbs, but i found out this month i have only three pills. That will only last me a day and a half. NO where near the length of my period. I am pulling my hair out, because a week before or i should say a couple of days before hand i am having really bad pain, and nothing to calm it down. I am going berserk off of it. I'm already biting my fiancée head off, my mood swings are all over the place, and im not sure how the heck im going to be able to get meds.

We have a CHC here that we go too, but they are being butt-holes for the time being. Since we have no income that it is hard to get meds. The meds usually cost about 15 bucks or so, but i'm getting tired of their attitude towards me and my fiancée. They are suppose to be a low income/homeless clinic to help people out who don't have a lot of money to give to a regular insurance place. So why all the hostility then? We got the run around, telling us they weren't going to take us and what not, till we finally had a nice lady that helped us. It was pretty good, since if things get out of hand just call her up. :) But the reason i wanted to bring this up, is that for one, i really didn't know how much pain im in. It kinda showed me how much pain i have going through each month.

See we were looking around to see if we could get it cheap without insurance and proof of income. Searched Wal-mart, they were 45/46 bucks. Then Three Bears was better about 24 dollars and etc. So that is the going rate for these pills. And we googled to see if there was a generic brand for my pills on the MG that i take. Well it popped up that the normal dosage is 400 MG, well that kinda shocked me, since i take about another hundred MG but i take two a day, so if you add that up that is about 1000 MG, not including my herbs. It shows how much it takes to take away my pain. But it was kinda ridiculous that Wal Mart was really expensive though. So on to the next thing.

Another thing we are worrying about is that if my fiancée will be able to get SSI. We are on the appeal process, and hoping that this will finally be settled and show that he is disabled and cant work. Already had a hard time with the first process, im hoping the second one will go smoothly and be able to see that he cant work.

These are just a few problems of mine, that have been on my mind for a long time, that are finally coming up because i cant handle any of my emotions at this time. And also hoping that if anyone reads this that they can pray for us. To get out of this and be able to have a nice and peaceful life. I guess im done rambling now. Take Care, GBY.........................Ashpea

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