About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

June 9, 2011

This month isnt going to well.

Well as it is stated in the title.. this month and last have been very rough. It has been one thing after another in my D/s relationship with Daddy, regular household problems and etc. So where do i begin. Oh yea lets see, last month..... hm well it started with just having problems with Daddy, him being grumpy with me, cant please him at all.. so the emotions passed over to me and i started getting testy as well. Got into a few fights but we sorted that out. Which ended with me getting punished :D.

W/we tried new punishments this month and it was pretty interesting. W/we did a bit more bondage this time, and i kinda liked it. In the beginning of O/our relationship, i hated being bound up. For personal reasons that i just couldn't pass at that time. Sometimes it was fun for him to try to tie me up and i get out of it, but when He would tie me pretty well and i cant get out, i would start to freak out. But since it has been about four years now, i have passed a lot through the bad stages in my life and growing a lot in the D/s relationship. So last month and this one, W/we tried it again, and i liked the feeling of being helpless and he can do whatever he wants with me. Also I know W/we are getting into more of the water torture stuff. Like choking in the water, and etc.. It makes you feel completely helpless and that is what i love in the lifestyle. Feeling so helpless and that the Dominant can do whatever they want to you. It is pure bliss. :D
Also, I'm getting a little more rewards, here and there. Which helps out the D/s relationship and also that i wont break down completely anymore. You may think, well she is just spoiled for wanting rewards, but it has to mutual in the lifestyle. If you keep giving and giving and nothing is being received on the other end, it makes the relationship tense, and makes you, well i know me, completely snippy. Plus it makes you think, why am i in this D/s relationship, if im not going to get anything out of it... instead of being just in a normal lifestyle.

I will tell you this. A D/s relationship is just as hard, if not a bit harder kind of relationship. Since there is different things to do in it, but if nothing is going right, and there has to be mutual benefits, love,trust,honesty,loyal and etc. Almost like a "Vanilla" relationship, but more loyalty, more honesty, and a lot more trust. And it will become enduring, which most people do not understand. I have had a lot of people ask me in an odd way, why is it enduring. Well its kinda easy to see it. If you can not please your Master/Mistress then you become really upset, and you think, what did i do wrong, what didn't i do to please them and etc. So that kinda interrupts your chores and duties. And it will just snowball into a huge thing. And in the end it will come out to you having to take a punishment from them. So it is very hard, trying to balance things in the relationship.
Then it was with the electric bill.. saying it was going to get shut off and didnt know what to do. Get were just on threads last month with emotions running high in both the D/s and regular life. Then, it was the fishy that died. W/we had to take care of the fish, and W/we tried O/our hardest, but he died no matter what. I needed comfort, since i dont like anything dying. That took a couple of days to get through. Then it switched to Daddy's SSI. Oh my gosh that was a hassle in itself. Just getting the run around and just not doing their job. W/we sorta fought with that. But it is draining us slowly. Been fighting with SSI for about a year now and getting no where. Still dont think its going to help U/us anyways.

Then this month... was starting out pretty good...W/we finally made a payment arrangement on the electric bill, two days before it being cut off lol.. W/we had some really big decisions with that. Sorta strained the relationship a bit, but we got that sorted out. And getting SSI to look at the new onset date.which at one time and point, i was so mad at the agents that i literally cussed them out. They got snippy with me, and Daddy snapped at me to hush it. I so wanted to yell back at them. Just very rude people who deal with SSI. If you ever get disabled, just deal with it. In the long run, it will help, because the SSI and SSDI.. dont do shit about it. All and all, I hope this month will go a bit smoother than it has.

On the bright side, with the D/s relationship. I tried being Domme for a day. It was really weird for me. It was alright, but i just cant see myself as a Domme 24/7. Reason it is weird is that for one, I'm use to being the slave 24/7 and Daddy being the Dom. So being a Domme for the day was really weird. I mean it was alright but i can only do it for maybe just a day and that's it. Also it was weird is that Daddy was actually doing what i said.. It was a nice change in our lifestyle but i love being able to please him and to push his buttons.

I have always thought of myself as sorta a switch in the lifestyle. But i have tried both sides and im mostly a slave. Sure sometimes my Domme side comes out, but that is how "we" slaves work. We defend ourselves by bringing out our Domme/Dom side so fake Doms/Dommes cant tell us what to really do. Now i know what you are thinking. Slave means they fully do what the Dominant wants. That is true, but to the only ones they are loyal, committed too. But we arnt or will not be walked on. Respect goes both ways in the "Vanilla" and the lifestyle. Respect and politeness have to be earned, not taken.

I have been told numerous times that im not a real slave and that im just acting like its a game. Well i hate to say it, but they are smoking something. These fake Doms/Dommes just think they can own me, when im already owned. They just want to take whatever they want and not even try to talk to the slave or Dom that owns them. All this does is make me become a Bitch. I hate when they say, well why are you here if you are already owned. (In wire club) and i have to sigh and say look at profile and then come back to me. Still they are so stupid that they keep asking it. And i just click out. If you know i have a Dom and i cant and will not cyber, why talk to me? Or why im here.. there is only one other logical idea of why im in those kind of rooms.If you cant figure that out, then you have no right to talk to me.

Sure, as you read this, you are thinking, damn she is a true Bitch. Well once you have been in the lifestyle for about four years and for about two if not more years people are just trying to take what they want, you will become a Bitch as well. And defend yourself and your Dom at any cost. When people step over the boundaries and will not listen to what you have said about your rules, of what you can and can not do, then it is your duty, to leave or chew them out. If you dont, then you are not being a loyal slave to your Master at all.
I know most of you will try to protest this part of the blog. Dont have too, i can already see what you are going to ask. But if the Master or Mistress says its okay to find another Dom or Domme to play with, then why are you saying I'm not being loyal to them. That isnt what im pointing out. If your Master or Mistress wants you to find another Dom or Domme to play with then that is fine. You have sole permission from them to find someone for a day or however long to play with. What im talking about is for the ones who have put boundaries on not finding a Dom or Domme to play with and they do that behind their backs or dont try to defend their Masters/Mistresses.

I guess this is the end of my little rant for this part of the blog. Have a good day. Ashpea

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