About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

July 27, 2011

My thoughts on Paxil.. anti-depressant pill....

Okay,this blog is what i think about Paxil. If you dont know what paxil is, it is an anti-depressant to help with you being depressed. Daddy was talking to a sub today who said that paxil actually works. Even His uncle thinks it works. Hm This is my take on it... from my experience from paxil...(mind you I was only on it for maybe a month before I went cold turkey)

Okay, I am diagnosed with clinical depression and etc. I was recommended and put on paxil. I was like okay, since I have never been on an anti-depressant,so I took the first choice my OBGYN gave me. The first week, you are suppose to take a half a pill, so your body will get use to the medicine.. which I was freaking hyper. No kidding, I cleaned the whole house, top to bottom and I still couldnt sit still.

Then after a week was up, I was to take a whole pill. I really hated that, because it made me so sick to my stomach. I couldnt sleep at all for about a week. My appetite was completely gone, like it usually was, but ten times worse. I was actually doing pretty good,after that week, and was actually pretty happy, wasnt thinking of killing myself and etc.

Until after that, I started becoming numb to the meds. I was breaking out in a rash, so I went to my doctor about it.. but of course these docs here suck like hell. So, I kept taking them.. and I was starting to become numb. I didnt have any emotions, I felt like I was empty inside. I was thinking about hurting myself,just to feel some kind of emotions because I really hated this feeling..

Then this happened.. I would accidentally miss one dosage of my med and im not kidding,within two minutes or so, I would start to become crazy. I heard about maybe forty different voices in my head, telling me to hurt myself, yelling,screaming. I thought I was going insane with it. I would also be more moody with Daddy. Biting His head off on accident and not be me.

After a month of going through this, I had enough of it. At first I prayed to God, asking what I should do, and I kept getting,stop taking them. So I stopped cold turkey. For the next couple of days,Daddy had to take care of me, because I was hearing the voices again.. and it was pretty rough coming off of it.

I think about maybe two months have gone by, was watching tv and saw that they were already having people getting hurt on them. The babies, were having mental damage and such. It scared me, and still kinda does to this day, that if I have children,will it screw with them, because in some way it altered my mind? I know, I worry about things... but how can people say this is a good anti-depressant pill?

After what I went through, when someone says its good to take it, I disagree and tell them what I think about the product. To this day, I deal with my depression on my own. I want to be in control of my emotions, and to actually feel what is going on around me. Daddy has said, that somehow He thinks they have helped in one way. Making me more determined to deal with the stuff on my own, and not to give up.... But I guess you can say that you have to be careful of any kinds of meds you take, not sure what the side affects may be...

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