About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

August 2, 2011

Not sure what to say on this

*Well the things I'm posting right now are from Wire club that i have deleted my accounts from. And i didn't post these blog posts on here. So I'm finally putting them up.*

Well you know what the headline says, this is going to be a rant i guess. I need to do something, because this is ridiculous. I have a lot of things on my mind. Like why does things have to get really bad, before something good comes along?
Its been like this: Two weeks ago, in order if i can remember it right.
1. Fiance's uncle wanting his sisters dogs to come here- Not one or two, but six dogs, count that six dogs. Fiancee is allergic to the hair, and I'm looking back I'm allergic to it as well. All and all,, the outcome of that, uncle wants me to take care of them. Not my responsibility and never will be, since hello they arnt my dogs. He gets all upset and throws a huge tantrum about that, and makes me feel like I'm the bad guy. End of that, tried going somewhere for the night.... guess what happens the next day.
2. Parents call the cops. Yup you hear that, my parents want to get into my business now, after seven long months of not talking to them. Yup somehow i have a spy on facebook or something because i get the cops right at my doorstep. Concern about my well being, um okay if family was so caring, why don't they try to rekindle a relationship with their daughter? Oh you know why, um because they are abusive, and want to control me forever, and act like I'm a child. Okay. That made me edgy for about a good week. Trying to pry back into my life, like they are so concern about me. What a joke. Then the following days and week.....
3. Sussie, a family friend is going to move in with us. I have no clue who she is and how she is. Yet here we go again, wanting strangers in the "house". This isn't home at all, and yet I'm suppose to keep my mouth shut, since i don't have a job and what not and should be grateful that i have a roof over my head. Yea i would if the help was sincere but it Isnt. Its just one hell after another. What am i suppose to do about this? I pray over and over and the thing i get is calmness. That is the only good thing about this. Lets see the last two people in the last two years are like this, Jen, lived with us, a crazy person, bipolar by far, and that didn't last, when our electric went out, because the uncle didn't pay it. Then we had pot smokers in the house. Yup, smokers, which screwed with our health, and they stayed for two days, you want to know why? Because this place fucking sucks, and they cant get their pot. So they went back. So yup, i wonder how long this lady will stay. Uncle thinks it will be forever, since he thinks the girl has a crush on him.(Rolls eyes) and that they will get married, okay delusional world 101.
4. Getting pets and pets and pets, that we cant even have or handle. he is like a big child. He keeps getting all these pets, but he doesn't take care of them. Its just a phase for him. Heck i will name all the animals he has had since I've been here. Ready, 1. Cocktails- he doesn't take care of those, doesn't change their litter or cage, and the one bird is bald and hurting her pretty bad. Doesn't do nothing on that.
2. Bunny- had bunny for about six months to a year, he got fed up with that and left him in his cage to rot basically. We had to take care of him, and in the end, he died a horrible death. Maggots ate him. He didn't do nothing about it. Just put him in a bag and threw him away. What a horrible thing to do and it didn't even phase him.
3. Fishes- he has six tanks, you heard him,six tanks. His one huge tank, got tired of those within a year, and almost let the goldfish died. I had to take it out and kept her alive. He just wanted her dead. But since he has his prized fishes, piranhas and that will last probably another year. Like today, i had to kill a fish, so he wouldn't suffer,by being eaten alive. That hurt me quite a bit. Having to see a third pet in the three years here, and each time it hurts more.
4. Tally, our cat, had her for a while, in the house, yeah she sorta screwed us up, but we loved her. He got tired of taking care of her, so we had to take care of her once again. Why is it, that each time he gives up on the phases, that we, as in me and fiancee have to take care of his stuff. She was suffering for two days, before she died. Guess what the uncle did, nothing, stayed in his room and did what he usually did. While fiancee, was calling every dang vet out there to take care of her, and me trying to make her comfortable. All and all in the end, she died. I had to take care of her, i had to put her in the box and to basically bury her. That took a lot out of me, and i haven't really been the same after that. That didn't even phase the uncle either. Makes me wonder what will phase him.
5. He doesn't even pay nothing on the house. For a year and a half, me and fiancee took this house on, ourselves. We used his worker comp money to pay off the back rent and everything to this house. Do we get any recognition to this? No we do not. In this "house" it is dictatorship. If it isn't the uncles doing, then he throws tantrum. Why? Because he is a baby, He is suppose to be a fifty year old man, grown and know how to take care of a household, but you know what i see. A child, trying to be an adult and cant survive at all. Yet we get called a bum and what not, because we don't bring any money now. So we have no say so in the fact.

What I'm trying to point out, i guess, is this. How can someone who says God will punish their enemies, yet they are an enemy themselves? So does that make them think they are exempt from being Judge or what? Because the uncle thinks he is Mr. Perfect here and hasn't harmed anyone, when all the stuff i have mentioned above is what the uncle has done in the past three years and maybe more. So why does this stuff have to happen? The only thing i can think of, is that he is being passive aggressive and wanting us out of the house. I would move out if i could, but how can i, when no money is coming into the household. I just hate when people help people out, because in the end they will get something back. They don't do it because they truly want to help. That's what makes me mad. Is that they love seeing people get hurt, yet they don't care about it at all. Why does this have to happen?
Why do they call themselves a Christian when they are more evil than good? This I'm not sure, but I'm pretty much tired of the stuff going on. I pretty much mad today, because in my heart i had to pick between two evils. Letting the fish get eaten alive or kill him instead, so he wouldn't hurt. I picked, killing him and that is sitting pretty much on my heart, but the uncle is sleeping sound? Why because this person has no heart, no soul of any kind. And that scares me most of all. What will happen next, if things get way out of control. Will he hurt us, and say oh i was just mad and then went black, i don't remember anything.

All i do know is this, we need to get out of this house. This isn't a home for anyone, and i hope and pray that we can get out as soon as we can. This is too much to bear. It is getting to be like my parents place. All the memories of being beaten and the names, brings it all back. I want out and yet here i am stuck, but inside I'm still calm. So is God helping right now? Telling me everything will be okay? I hope so, and I'm trying my hardest to hold onto that.
Just have too much on my mind, to handle with all this, but the thing that comes back to me is this. God gives you as much as you can handle, but sometimes the devil comes in and weights you down more, till you break and come to his side. You have to stick to your faith, and that God is there, helping you when you really need it, and that he is always by your side. That is what is getting me through the thick of it.
Okay i guess I'm done ranting now. Ashpea

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