About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

August 2, 2011

thinking on things.....

You know it is sad that your family calls the cops because you don't talk to them or for some things that were out of context. I got a lovely wake up call today-police at my door at 9 something am, because my family had called the cops all because a stinking spy told them something way out of context on face-book. It really made me upset. Yes i have problems, and they were pretty bad i guess, but it was nothing like the abuse or the rapes, I've gone through. I just put down at the time what my thoughts were, and this what happens.
My family did it not out of love or cared about their daughter, no they did it for mind games. They want me back, so they can start the mind games back up, and the name calling and etc of what they have done since i was a child. I have had enough of that, I'm an adult, not a child, and that i can make decisions on my own. Yet they don't think this, they just think, I'm so mere puppet they can use for the rest of their lives. Well its not going to happen, and i will not have the cops at my door each and every time they want to talk to me. I gave them their options, they decided, as have i, and that should be it.
I'm just hoping this wont become a habit for them, because all its doing is wasting the cops time and mine as well. I guess that is what is mostly on my mind for now. Wondering what kind of mind games they are going to try and do, since they already brought cops into this, makes me wonder what is next. I usually know their tactics and patterns but this one through me for a loop.

I look sorta back, like today and i can see that i wasn't surprise of them doing this, but then again i am surprise because i thought in a million years they wouldn't do this, and yet they did. I will have to keep my guard up from now on, and that at any time, they can still get into my life, even miles and miles away. I'm not sure what to do, but all i know, is that God was warning me, trying to tell me put my walls up.
I had these feelings all yesterday night and this morning and yet they came true once again, Can i feel what will come, like bad omens, that is deeply rooted in me? I really don't know, i just wish these bad omens, feelings, whatever you want to call it will stop coming and that i can move on with my life. I have been trying my hardest to make my life different, and i have become a different person in four years, but if this is what is going to happen all my life, knowing that my family is going to try and do these stupid tactics, to get me to talk to them, even we are miles away, i don't want that. I will just have to leave it at that, and move on again, i guess.
Just the only thing i don't understand about my parents is this, if they cared and loved for me so much, why are they doing this? If they loved me, they would try and work things out like grown ups, and now do mental abuse and whatever else they do best. If they loved me, they wouldn't of pushed me out of the house, beat me each and every day for minor things. If they loved me, why did they abandoned me at a young age? Was never there for me, and when they were it was to control my every waking thought. So why do they want me back so much? That is the true question, is their lives so horrible that they need to belittle me even more to make their pathetic lives better?

The more i write this stuff down, the more memories come up, thinking why did they act so different towards my sister. They never treated us the same. I was abused while she was the princess. I had problems in school, she had it easy. Why did God make her life better than mine? Is it because He already have something special for me? All i know is that, if my family, my parents truly loved me, they wouldn't be like this. And i will never let my children(When i have them), never know my parents or family. It sorta makes me sad, deleting family out, and trying to make a new one.
I guess i have always yearned for a family that has truly cared for my well being, care and cherish my thoughts,and me as a whole,and not be the family that i was brought up in.

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