About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

October 21, 2011

What's been going on....

*Head's up for family..... I was not raped, or did not consent to what happened today. So i would like it, if you did visit my blog today or so, that you can keep your noses out of it. Thanks...*

Well today was pretty exciting. At first, it was pretty bad, because of the damn uncle. Thought W/we wouldn't get any food money and was kinda stressing over it a bit.
Then, I'm glad that God came through for U/us. Got a bit of food money. Glad to get some kind of food money. So, W/we had to go to the bank, and then went to a thrift shop.

Boy, did i get more books.:D. Got twenty books again, which are very interesting. Most of them are Historical romance. But i did get a few, that i was pretty happy to get, were Louis Lowry(a book, i haven't read yet, i guess it goes on with "The Giver".) Also got the first book of the Unfortunate events. I have always wanted to read those books, but just didn't have the money, because they were brand new, when i first saw them.

Also, on the book rant, i have or need to catalog, "The Frenchwoman" and post it up. Also, reading now, "Vanity Fair" which is very very good. It goes almost alike with the book, just a tad different. I will blog on that a little later.

Moving on.... okay, well later on tonight, i am pretty much giddy. Daddy went next door and said He was going to get some snacks. He comes back, without anything, and i didn't think any thing of it. And well not really getting into details, was surprised to have sex.

It was sorta like rape play, but really it wasn't. It was just forced. It really shocked the hell out of me. I wasn't expecting it at all. When He first did it, i was really shocked, and the pain, but about two seconds or so, it went over to pleasure.

I tried getting away, because i wasn't sure about a few things, and He just did what He want. I really liked it, but the reason i am writing on this, is because, well this is for me, and to show how i am progressing in the lifestyle and with myself as well.

I would like to say, is that i am very very proud and shocked at how much i have grown in these past four/five years with my Daddy. I know for the past year or so, i have been pondering, if i would cope with forced sex, or "rape play". And i have always said, i would not do well. But tonight, that perspective has changed a lot.

I really really thought, i would not cope well, and that i would hit and scream and such. But tonight i didn't do that. I was shocked, and i did have my memories, try coming up, but i think my defensive's kicked in, and then from there my trust kicked in. I had a few thoughts come in, like how helpless i am, and etc.

I just cant get over, how much i have changed. I thought i would be a certain way, and then, when W/we do things, i am a totally different person. I don't know if i had said anything about this, but who i was four/five years ago, was this negative person. Who was always negative in some way, who always cut and didn't trust anyone. I was by myself almost all the time, and was very sad and didn't have a friend at all.

But, now, i am always putting positive feedback into me, i do not cut anymore. And when those urges come back, i talk and do things to not do it. I am not really sad anymore, i have trust, i have someone who loves me for me, and that i can grow with, and trust with my whole soul. I have that amazing person, who has made me, me in those years.

I really didn't see how much i have changed and grown since then. Because you know, you really don't know until something happens. Something major or bad that happens and it shows you how much stronger you have become and etc.

I know that i need to work on more things, and to grow more so as the person i am. But i am very glad and thankful that God gave me, my soul mate. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the both of them in my life. They have changed my perspective and i am willing and slowly changing it even more so, as we speak.

I know, in the future, that i will get over the emotional damage that was caused for a long long time, and that those wounds will be healed. And i know that i will be a lot more happier, a lot more stabler(in emotions, finance, and etc). It will just have to take time and someone you really trust to be there for you.

But, i think this rant or so is done for now. I just wanted to update, and get my other rant, written down and posted. Sorry for the long wait guys. Been on vacation with Daddy and it has been a rocky road. I will tell it in the next rant. Until next time.....

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