About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

November 29, 2011

What's going on right now..

in O/our hardest times of O/our life
people just walk in and out
with no feelings 
with no heart at all

while those who are in pain
feel coldness from them
feel no sincereness from them

and this is the only refuge some have
and how can this be
when there should be more options open than this



Okay, i was gonna write more on this poem, but a lot of things have been going on. Right now, i sit here, cold and really really exhausted from only a days worth of arguing and such. 

Sigh, where do i begin. Oh, let me back up, about yesterday beserk of a day. It was going good, til the uncle came home. Smelling nothing but cologne.(Yea, you may think that this is a small and stupid thing to fight about) Well, you will see what happenes in corrupt families. 

Been dealing with this for about two years now. Off and on, been telling the uncle to stop using smelly colognes. It kills U/us, and why W/we are telling him this. Each time, it sorta gets bad. Until last night. sigh, he got so fucking mad, and im not sure why. He came home, smelling so bad, and im not talking about its light and it goes away in two seconds or so. No, it lingers and its everywhere heavy. 

So, Daddy goes and talks to him, in an adult way. Not mean or anything. Basically telling him, W/we know he is lying and he needs to stop. Because seriously, it is hurting U/us both. Im getting my bronchitis back, which stays for months on end, and Daddy gets pneumonia and what not. 
If it wasnt hurting U/us, W/we wouldnt be saying anything about it. But it is gettig out of hand. Seriously it is.Tired of being sick and being almost back at my old place. 

From there, the uncle got so mad, acted like he was having a heart attack and left. I know for a fact now, he went to safeway, since the hospital is about a minute drive... and he was gone for about twenty minutes or so. 

Then Daddy comes up, and tries talking to His mother.Boy, that didnt turn out well. His mom was so angry at Him, for no reason.At that time, wasnt sure what was going on. W/we thought it was strange that everyone was so mad, and saying leave jim alone. While W/we are the ones, getting sick and such. 
Daddy was really hurt that His mother was mad at Him for no reason. And what was funny, is that only two minutes passed when the uncle was gone, that everyone in the family knew what was going on. Saying, leave the uncle alone about the colognes. 

Okay, being in an abusive home, i know how it is when someone lies out right okay. So, if the uncle wasnt wearing cologne, then why is the whole family saying, leave jim alone about the cologne, if he wasnt wearing it? Does that make sense to you? Because i know for a fact it doesnt make sense to me, but that he is wearing it and laughing and knowing that HE IS HURTING US ON PURPOSE.

Okay, onto the next point. Got scared and left for a bit. Just walked in the middle of the night, which is not a good thing. Bawling my eyes out and reminded of things back at my other place. Finally me and Daddy went back home and just tried to have a good rest of the night. 

Now, you will be shaking your heads at this. Daddy actually asked the uncle if he was okay and if he went to the hospital and what not. Because that is how Daddy is. But, the uncle was saying, oh i may have to go in. And that he was still mad and bitter at U/us, but W/we weren't even mad at all. Just want the stuff to stop, until W/we can move out. It's not that hard. 

Then went to sleep and woke up the next morning and Daddy was trying to phone His mom all day. She ignored most of them and finally called Him. I hear them arguing a bit downstairs, and i hear this, is Ashley around, i dont want her to be. 
Sorry, but if you are going to bring me into it, im sorry but im going to be down there and what not. Dont tell me i cant be in it, if you are going to bring my name down in the mud for something a dumbass is doing. And it is always them trying to separate me and Daddy from each O/other. I still do not know why they try to do this. But hello, im engaged and owned by Him. You can not keep me away from Him. Especially if it involves both of U/us. Just doesnt make sense at all, but it shows you, that only being at this house for three years, and His family doesnt know a lick about me, they have all this nasty stuff to say. 
Hasnt anyone heard that saying, if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it at all? Does this still apply today or what? Sigh


So,i go down, and His mom is still mad from yesterday. He keeps asking why she is so mad. Because there are things she does, that makes U/us upset, but W/we dont put in her face or anything, W/we try to make her happy. But finally today, i said my peace with it. I told her, look. You think W/we dont look for work, but W/we do. More so than you. Which is true, she doesnt look for work and been out for a year and had government money. W/we werent mad at it, or anything. But, they always bring that up. Like W/we are not looking for work and want to be in this hell hole. 

So, finally the truth comes out. The family, thinks W/we are ungrateful that the uncle helps us with money.( And i must add, its only a little bit, so you cant say its help and it is forced from him.) That W/we dont clean up the house and etc. 
Okay, for one, i didnt move here to be a damn maid. I moved here to get out of my abusive family's house. I did not sign anything to be a damn slave and maid to his uncle. No, that is not why i am here. Okay, second of all, i am grateful to get money to help U/us in the mean time. But i hate to say it, the uncle doesnt do it out of his heart. No, he does it because he has to, or so he says so in his head. 

If W/we werent grateful to be here, then why did Daddy and i sign papers, to get the income down on the house? Why did Daddy and i sign papers to get on the electric program? Why did Daddy hurt Himself getting a job and paying the rent, in order to keep the house? Why did Daddy and i both clean up the house, not for the uncle but to make it clean? 

Seriously, if W/we werent grateful at all, W/we wouldnt do this at all. Not to mention when W/we did have money, W/we gave the uncle a bday celebration and paid everything for it. He just snubbed it and didnt have any of the stuff. Did that out of the goodness of O/our hearts. And the times W/we took him out to dinner and such. 

Im just tired of being painted the bad guy, when all i have been is grateful and trying to help keep this house afloat. But, W/we dont get that. No, W/we are bums and W/we want to stay here. And that w/we alomst killed the uncle. Well guess what, they killed Daddy's father. 
Kicked him out on the streets and didnt help him when he had strokes and basically killed him. Yet, they dont feel anything for that at all. 

Like i have told His family, i am done with them. I wipe my feet and go where God wants me to go. This is in His hands, not mine, and He will deal with their actions and such. Right now, i just wanted to update of what is going on. How the day is progressing and so forth. 

Just today, its kinda sad, that Daddy and i are discussing when w/we have children, they will have all of O/our stuff and see who w/we were and O/our hardships in life. I find it a bit difficult at times to write and such, because of what is going on. And that one day in the future this will be put past U/us, like my past is and get on with life. And see my children grow up as good adults and they have children of their own. 
Kinda sad, that in times like this, things like this come up. Well until next time....

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