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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

December 30, 2011

Conversation about what if Daddy quit the lifestyle....


Daddy: I noticed that I am getting out of the phase
Daddy: of wnaitng you to do anything I want
Daddy: and forced fantasies
Daddy: and mistresses
Daddy: and other slave
Daddy: stuff
Daddy: lately, It doesnt appeal to me as before
Daddy: its strange
me: yea
me: can i ask a question
Daddy: Whats that
me: well you said, lately you dont want me to do anything for you and such, saying its not interesting and what not.. you wouldnt quit the lifestyle would you? because it kinda made my heart drop, beause i love the bond we have
Daddy: I thought it would make you
Daddy: happy
Daddy: that I dont feel like
Daddy: having other slaves
Daddy: and talking to mistresses
me: ohh
Daddy: and making you do anything
me: that is what you meant
Daddy: truely evil
Daddy: lol
me: lol
me: i thought you meant me lol
Daddy: ?
me: well i thought you meant, stop doing the stuff with me
me: not all here really
Daddy: no, but I did have the thought
Daddy: like am I getting
Daddy: out of this lifestyle
Daddy: because I feel like
Daddy: its against God
Daddy: or something
Daddy: like
Daddy: wondering
Daddy: if I would stop doing it
Daddy: it crossed my mind
Daddy: which is weird
Daddy: cause you brought it up
me: yea
Daddy: I wasnt sure
Daddy: not really sure
Daddy: if I would stop it
Daddy: I love doing it with you
me: same here
Daddy: but another part of me
Daddy: feels like
Daddy: Im doing something against God
Daddy: and its making me
Daddy: worry all the time
Daddy: if it was against God
Daddy: I would stop
me: its just a lot of worries and such honey
Daddy: wouldnt I
me: yes you would

As you can see with the conversation with Daddy, it was a bit of a sad conversation. Since lately He has been going through a lot of things, with me helping Him and what not, that this discussion came up. In the beginning of the conversation i thought He was talking about U/us and quitting the lifestyle, why i didn't say so much and waited for the time to ask about it. 

But, i found out, it was with other things that He wanted to quit and not quit the lifestyle with me. It has made me think for a while now, that would i accept Him just as my fiancee if He decides not to be in the lifestyle?And each time i think this, the more i become sad inside. As you see, W/we both love doing this, but it is normal to take a few steps back and think are W/we sure W/we want to be in the lifestyle and etc. 

But, i think in the end, if He truly wanted out, i would support it no matter what. I would still be myself just not as submissive as i am, but then again, i don't know on that. It is the only thing ive known since meeting Him and it would be hard getting use to that if it did happen. 

But, as you see, the struggles that W/we go through in and out of the lifestyle, and why people need to understand that it isn't all fun and what not. This is a lifestyle and it deals with a lot of emotions and a bond that is there. And the decisions that Dom's and slaves go through with their Dom's and what not. 
 It can be frustrating as hell, but it is rewarding and i can see how upsetting it could be, loosing your Master and not knowing where to go and what not. Sigh, just how things go. But, i wanted to write on this, about my feelings and thoughts of what Daddy said. 

It would be heartbreaking if it did end, and a lot of huge serious talks about it and making sure that this is what He wanted. But, as i have concluded, i would be by His side no matter what, because i love Him dearly and nothing is going to make me leave Him. Until next time...

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