About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

December 2, 2011

Fear of a slave being replace, poem by me


I hate this feeling
of wanting to scream
wanting to ask so many questions
wanting to know what you are doing

yet, here i sit
numb
quiet
wanting to be the perfect slave

but all i feel inside
is sadness
is fear

thinking when you message other slaves
that you will replace me with them
and i will have no one

My greatest fear
is you leaving me
all alone
leaving me to be with someone else

i cant and wont take that pain
but why do i sit here
so quietly and let it happen?

Is it because i want to be good?
is it because i dont want to get punished?
is it because i dont want the wrath of you?

Why do i sit here
like a mute
that i am

just bottling up the emotions
bottling up my thoughts

and trying to tuck them
under the bed
under sheets

and tell my mind and my body
that its not true
that its all in my head

but why cant i believe myself?
Is it because of my past
is it of what i fear
and i try to linger on to the present
and not worry about past or future/

why this antsy/parnoid feeling
that in my heart
you will truly leave me
like everyone else has?

why cant i get that out of me?
why cant i tell myself that its not true?
why cant i tell myself to be at peace
and trust my Master with her life?

can she even trust
that He will stay in her life?
can she know
in some small way
that He will never leave her?

A few fears
that this little mousy slave
fears that may come true

and how can she get rid of them
and know that her Master
will always be there for her
no matter what

and that He will leave her
to her doom
for another slave and such

Sigh, the insecurities a slave
who has a past
has to go through
from time to time

Time will tell with this
she hopes
holding onto the trust she
has with her Master.....

(clock chimes in the background.....)

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