About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

December 16, 2011

My thoughts and feelings of what is going on.....


Got a lot on my mind right now. I already hit my stress points already. Bawled my eyes out because its my only way to get it out. But, lets start on why I'm so stressed.

Well earlier this week, W/we only got about a third if not less on the money W/we are suppose to get. I kept my faith up, and thinking well W/we will get the rest a little later on. And, didn't think too much on it, til today.
 The uncle W/we live with, acted like he has no money. Always pulls this stunt, when he doesn't want to give U/us the money. Said, well i have to pawn off my stuff to get extra money for medicine. I already knew what was going on. Because the day beforehand, i overheard him talking about his medicine, and how he already got them.

See, a few lies already. Yet, the family says he never lies and so did the uncle, hm okay, then how am i catching him in all of these lies? But anyways, already lying. Then get into the car to go home, and he is saying i don't know if i can give you the money for food. And then the next thing comes out, can your mom help you.
 I already know, he has made this scheme with Daddy's family. He doesn't want to help, for some odd reason, and making up all these excuses. Because when he says, can your mom help, W/we know, he doesn't want to help, or he squander his money on useless things he does not need.

Of course the uncle has family to help him out, so he isn't going to be out of food. As of right now, talking to them and probably asking for money. Of course everyone thinks he is so wonderful and that he is helping U/us out. Ha, i find that laughable.

But, i think what ticks me off the most is this. Next Friday is Christmas and i feel like i will not be able to celebrate it now. It makes me cry and hurt so much because this is my only thing i can get to do for Christmas.
 I don't get money for presents or anything. I do get a little bit of food money and that goes to getting things for communion and seems i wont be able to do that this year. And it makes me so frustrated that I've slammed doors and such, because i will not hit anyone.

I'm just tired of the lies,I'm tired of the passive aggressive stuff. I'm tired of worrying when my next meal will come. All this does is make my eating problem a lot worse and doesn't help that i have to binge so much. All this does, is make me go deeper inside myself and not eat, because i have no food.

I'm just tired that each year it's always like this. Nothing changes. I'm trying my best to keep my faith up and to lean on God more so. But, this has to stop. This is getting just as bad at my old place. I'm hoping soon God will get U/us out of here and not have to worry on this kind of stuff ever again.

I'm really tired of these mind games being played and being dependent on people who are evil as hell. I'm tired of people acting nice, when their intentions are evil and impure.
 And that i have to replace my thoughts, replace my feelings with good things because i feel compelled that W/we cleaned up the house because of the uncle. Just really tired of it.

I know there is a lot of things i want to rant about, but I'm just worn out and exhausted and what is the point of putting all the things that are going through my head down. Guess I'm going to have to rethink and re evaluate what is going on here, and praying and hoping God will help out soon. Sigh. Until next time...

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