About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

December 9, 2011

A part of me....


Had a trigger today. Didnt expect it to be so bad, but it was. Was trying to help Daddy out with His emotions and what is going on here. and all of a sudden He says its about my emotions. That snapped me, and i got so angry. Because it triggered what everyone in my life has done. It has triggered and made it feel like i am a selfish person, when im not. It was a huge slap in the face, and i took it hard.

Daddy tried saying im emotional and letting them out, but you have to be. Especially when you are going through a trigger you have to control it, you have to get it out, and then ignore it, when it bugs the hell out of you. That is my way of coping though.
 To fight this, i had to force myself to eat something. Yes, i am going through small things of an eating disorder. I wont eat for a while, and then eat and eat. And, when i get really upset, and my anger comes out, i dont want to eat at all. So, i had to force myself to eat what i had on my plate.

It took a lot of will power in that. Telling myself, you are just eating it, you are not doing it because you are fat, or because you are emotional right now. You have to eat. Had to keep saying those things over and over, just to get it down. The fun part, is to keep it down, without feeling what i thought.

It sucks, going through this stuff, still. Sure, im over the worse hump of it, but its going to take more time and effort to get over all of the things i went through. The emotional part that is.

I know how hard it is to fight your own self. I know how hard it is to fight those emotions you feel constantly when you dont want them to come up. I know how hard it is to control a trigger and so forth. The thing is, is how you deal with it. How you cope, and how you think, will make you either better or worse.

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