About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

March 28, 2011

Am I true to My Reflection?

"Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow I cannot hide who I am, though I've tried. When will my reflection show who I am inside?" Quote from Mulan

1.
Why does my reflection show someone i don't know?

when i stare straight into the mirror of the unknown
Do i see myself
the true me?
Or do i see this ugly image
that passes for a human instead?

Is this truly who i am?
Or is something lurking
deeper than this shallow shell?
ii.
Who knows the true image
that reflects this person in the mirror?

Who knows who this girl is suppose to be?
Hiding feelings,actions
within a wall of wild blossom flowers

iii.
Refining, retuning the deception
she pores out onto this world

Can she endure another day
another night
of holding the porcelain mask to the world?


iv.
Somehow I cannot hide who I am, though I've tried.

So hard to be the puppet
everyone perceives me to be

yet here i am
only fooling myself

deluding myself
to be this person
everyone wants me to be

but my heart
my body
screams/aches for me to be real
to think
to act
what is truly deep inside this heart

can i bare the burdens?
the heartaches
the guilt
the lies
that will come
when i truly be who i want to be?

can i leave the old world
that i have lived
with an unbroken heart?

or will it tug
sing
yearn
for me to come back to that side of life?
whispering/teasing
this heart
this mind
this soul
to bend to it's rules

Can i face it on my own?
can i fight another night?
to quiet that voice
that dwells deep down inside?
Can i face what will happen?
when i show my true feelings
my true life
in which i want to live instead

Can i grant that wish
that burns
that aches deep inside this chest?

Or will i smother it
smolder it
till it turns to ash

Just to shut out
the other half of me?
that lurks every moment of my life

v.
When will my reflection show who I am inside?"

showing my true feelings
my true actions
that live inside of me?

Will my reflection ever show who i am?
Or is it just a hope
that fades every minute that passes me by?

March 27, 2011

Uncertain Possibilities Poem

I.
So many confusions in this world
where do we begin
and where do we end?

is there any between that as well?
Or is it just gray walls that just
keep building
reshaping when something happens to us?

Or does it stay the same
thick slab of slate
written on our souls
that nothing can change this

II.
that nothing can be built to replace
the solid feelings,actions
that happens in our life

Do we accept this?
Or do we try in vain
to change the impossible

To see if we can change ourselves
to form into something entirely different
than what someone told us what we are?

Do we let this stay?
Or do we make a difference?

Or do we just give up on all hope
and walk this path alone?
thinking/pondering on things that should of never been done
never been said
yet they happened no matter
what outcome you thought up

Was it for the best
the worse?
what was the purpose for it to happen?
none of these thoughts can be
erased from your heart

III.
Too many hopes
Too many dreams
etched inside this creature

who's searching for a purpose
of his own
Searching who he is
Searching for the answers
of the questions
that plague his heart, body and mind

Will they be answered?
Or will they just be washed away
slowly with the tide
that builds deep inside this well
of uncertainty

IV.
Where can he find these answers?
Where can he find his broken heart?
Who can show him
what he is suppose to be?

Will this be the end of him?
Or will life just tick on by

V.
ticking on by
as the minutes
days
months
years
just pass him by
with unanswered questions
etched onto his being

Can he learn to deal with
the unanswered questions?
or will it plague him slowly
till it consumes him

and devour him
of his precious time

of his precious hourglass
that is sealed in so much

guilt
hate
confusion

VI.
that it clouds which paths to take
what roads lays beyond
this uncertain being

Will he learn to try and make a new road
a new path for him to live his life?
Or will he just keep crumbling his soul
to find those answers
that are lodge deep within?

VII.
Who knows these answers
that plague his mind

Who knows what road he will take
when new decisions arise

Who knows when his days are done
looking for those answers

looking for something to live for..

looking for the purpose
that made him live his days on this lonely journey

Who knows his true meaning of life
that brought him to this rocky road of uncertainity?
VIII.
will anyone help him out?
to make him yearn for life

Will anyone speak up
telling him who he is

Will anyone tell him
the answers that lie within

Who will answer all these uncertainties?
Will it be you or someone else?

March 18, 2011

On True Friends and what is on my mind

Hm i have never had true friends at all in my life, but this keeps occurring over and over. And its this.... So called friends, hold whatever you say to them in their hearts, and when a tiff comes along, they bring it up and hurt you and never say sorry for it.
They say things like this as well, you are running away from your problems and what not, and taking my parents side. How is this a true friend, if this keeps coming up? A true friend wouldnt hold grudges, reverse things on you and accuse you of a lot of stuff and never say sorry nor think about their words or actions. Why are people like this?
Why do people have to be like this? Why cant we be ourselves and express what we want, but not to hurt the other person. I mean yes, you wont be able to not hurt people's feelings, but you can do it in a gentle,polite way, yet people dont do this. And yet, its my fault,why i dont have friends, because i dont let stupid people in my life, who will use any of my past to hurt me at any time. That i have to be careful what i say so i wont hurt their feelings and what not and yet in the end, its the same thing. I get hurt, im the one who gets painted as the bad guy, but the one who has always been a good friend. The one who would back you up and not use what you say against you. Yet why am i painted like this? Is it because im different from everyone? Or is there something wrong with me? Because i dont see it, i really dont. I dont understand why this happens. I mean yes, i have a lot of trust issues, but if i can have a friend like my fiancee, surly im not doing anything wrong.
But why is this happening? Its like anything i say, here or anywhere, it gets reported to people, such as my family and friends and what not. Then i get hit for it and etc. Im not taking any abuse. NO I WONT DO THAT...and this is what they are doing. It is verbal abuse, and i dont stand for that. You can talk without hurting someone and be friends and what not. Yet this is what people do, hurt one another. We should speak the truth, but when we do, do it lightly and for the persons best interest. Dont have any malice in your heart or anger at all. Because all this will do, is make that person distance and have trust issues with others.

This is just a tidbit of what is going on in my life. That people want to do this, and why i dont put pics up, or talk so much, its because whatever i say, will be reversed on me and it hurts a lot. Ive had it since i was born, and i cant take another minute of it. So sue me im sensitive on my family background, i have a reason for it. Sue me for having trust issues and other issues along with it. We all have faults, but why is mine only being pointed out? When i point theirs out, its like no its not true and of course once again, reverse stuff on me. When you do things to others, what they did to you, they really dont like it. Some say im not an adult, im just a little kid, merely playing 'house' and that i will never grow up. well excuse me that i do at times act like a kid. The reason for that is what has happened in my life. Sorry i never had a real childhood and now, im wanting it to come true. Dont like it, dont talk to me. Its that simple. Yet this is another human fault, they want to waste your precious time on Earth.
Why dont we actually give some time to listen to others and help them when they truly need it? And when you ask, i want to truly get to know you, actually get to know the person and not make up all these excuses.

Sometimes i dont think i meant to be in this world. Like God put me here, but im not sure why. I really dont belong here, but here i am. Stuck in this time to figure out what im suppose to know and maybe just go to Heaven with knowledge and maybe figure out why i was here. Who knows. I know at times i put my feelings on my sleeves, sue me on that as well. I am a girl, a human who needs to get all this bottled up emotions out. I did it the wrong way before hand, its fine time that im going the correct way of handling my emotions. So how does that make me a child? If i know what im doing, but still do what i want? Does that make me a child? Or a mere adult, knowing full well what the consequences of not having friends and what not. It is hard at times, but when i look back im fine without them. I have taken care of myself for the longest and i will do just that. I mean yes i have a fiancee and God that i love a lot, but other than that, if i cant find a true friend, then so be it.

Im not here to please others. I have learned that lesson a very long time ago. If you are not happy, why keep up the masquerade of pleasing others? I know i have done this a lot, so i wouldnt get hurt, but i would get hurt no matter what it was. So you have to know who you are, and stand your ground or else you will crumble and just stay and please others, that you truly hate. I know a lot of people dont understand this part of me, but its who i am and my motto is, if you dont like who i am,then dont talk to me. I wont give you the time of day if its going to be like that and i have done this since i was a teenager. It has worked quite a bit for me, but others here need some kind of friends, even if they are fake. I dont see how they can want this, but if its what they need to be somewhat themselves well its good for them, i guess.
Im not saying im perfect, i just know what i want and need in this life. So if you dont understand this, oh well. Maybe one day you will understand and look back and ask yourself a lot of questions. This is it for now. Just what was on my mind for the night or week. Hopefully to write soon. Lambie

March 6, 2011

Is this Ill Struck love Poem




I.
How can one know
all the heartache and burdens
that will come

when you vow for eternity
to give your soul to another
who truly aches for their other half..

II.
submitting to unconditional love
while the heart and soul
bends to rational thought

binding both souls
to a world of unknown
possibilities and consequences

that either heart will know
what is etched in each other path
that is laid out before them.....

III.

So I ask this, in return
how can this be a perfect
binding of two souls
when so much rides on one little thing?

Is it fate, or just ill fortune
dealing its hand of bad luck?

Making you wonder
if these two souls
are truly soul mates

Or just mere acquaintances
tangoing with one another
till something better comes along?

Will this be a perfect union
or just two souls
crossing paths for the time being?
IV.
Who knows what faith will bring
this Master and Slave
to do for one another

It may be to defend one another
against attacks on their mortal souls

Or mental attacks, that shake the very
foundation of their faith, and love

The question to be asked
should be this
Will this make their bond stronger?
Or will this be the end of their relationship....

Who knows what faith lies before them
this very minute, this very second....... who really knows?

Persuading Decisions Poem

How do you know if you are Dominant or a slave?

When for so long, you were taught both ways


each side, debating, deceiving one another

Whispering, you should be this

or you should be that


But how can you know

truly deep down inside

what or who you are?


Are you truly a dominant person?

Or a meek little slave?


Too many conflictions

tormenting this shallow heart


thats suppose to decide

how this soul will end up being


Will it hurt too much?

too deep?

to feel anything

but the sadness it dwells in

To appease others?


Or will this soul

do what she desires

deep inside the abyss

thats suppose to be her essence?


Will this be suffice for this poor girl?

Or is there something else

pondering on the back of her mind?


Is this truly who she is

wanting her own desires?

Or appeasing others

till they finally see who she really is?


Too many memories

too many false hopes

dwell inside this girl


To even think of who she is

but this shouldnt deprive her

of all the senses of who she is


Of who she wants to be

but to mold her

into a magnificent butterfly she should be


Is this the answer she is looking for?

Or is it something else

thats awaiting her along this

path, she calls her yearnings


What path should she take?

Should she go, right

and be the dominant her mother always wanted her to be?


Or should she go,left

and be a submissive like her father has always wanted?


What will tug her further too?

What will take over her and build personality to

the desired choice she makes?


Should she take delusions and false hopes

false dreams, her mother whispered into her ear


or should she take truth, trust

and honesty, like God has sung deep inside her chest


What should she choose?

Good or Evil?


Which will be a better path for her to take?

To be happy with someone she truly desires

which is to be almost like her, only dominant instead


Or should she be miserable, and heartbroken

and appease her mothers appetite to this down trodden

ways of life?


That lies beyond this point

that lies beyond the cross roads

of consequences and reality


She must choose, what she will do

with her life choices,

and what the outcome will be.


This is truly what her heart

is singing to her....


Do what you think is right

To never give up, pursue what you want

desire what you will


But never give up on hope

Never give up on yourself

that will be your biggest demise


Stay true to your heart

stay true to yourself

never let that leave you, eternally.