About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

September 30, 2011

A little bit of what is going on lately....

well lately there has been a lot going through my mind.I've been trying to get over this stinking wasp sting. I still have it, and it's been three weeks already and it still hurts. Went into the doctors for it, couldn't get a real doctor since mine quit basically, and just got a nurse to see it. I wasted a fucking hour on nothing, but tomorrow i have a doctors appt for a real doctor. Maybe they can see what is wrong with me.

I'm always a damn mess. Also, i have been dealing with a lot of emotions colliding with one another. I feel so betrayed right now, by family. Yes, if you have noticed, i went on another subject. But, i feel so betrayed by my family, feelings and everything.

About two or three days ago, i thought about my grandmother. Since she is the only one in my family, that i really love. And i thought she loved me back (til now). And that i know she is going through chemo again, and i wanted to check up on her. Since I'm disowned from family, i could get in touch with just her.

So, i tried adding her and message her, and i thought that maybe she will talk to me. As you can see, she has ignored both and that really hurts. I really thought that maybe she would hear me out, and see if she wanted to talk to me and what not. But she has abandoned me just like the rest of my family.

And that brought up a lot of memories, brought up my nightmares once again. Been trying to sort through my memories, because with the way i cope with things, i clear all my memories away. Like i try to ignore that they ever happened. And that brings up different things. Like, are all the things my family say lies, because it seems like it.

Like, i find out, that all these years, I've been having allergic reactions to metals. But, i thought since i was a child, that when your arm or so turns green its because you have too much iron in your system. I always thought that, and never researched it. Oh boy, am i mad at my family and more so, really mad at myself for ever believing that bullshit.

It's that kind of thinking that gets to me. Like, its hard to figure out what I'm suppose to believe and then which things my family ever said, were lies. And then that branches to, how am i me, when all of this stuff has happened? It makes me ponder where i get my personality from. makes me wonder if my family is my family. I mean, yes i know they are, but my personality, common sense and everything is sooo different from them. It makes me think, where the hell did i get it from.

My family has always done this to me. Always make me think if I'm really who i am, or if i am someone else. They are the ones, who bring out this other side of me. They always waken up my dark side. When all i want to do is smolder it. And be who i think i am. But when this happens, it always shakes my foundation and belief that i am who i am.

But then those whispering lies come up. My other side, wakes up, And it is so hard to keep that side of me, down. I guess what I'm saying, is that you wont understand what i am saying, unless you have gone or going through this. It feels like i have someone else inside of me. Feels like i have someone who uses this flesh as a puppet.

But, i guess that is part of me, that i still don't understand. My submissive side. It collides so much with the other side in me. It clashes with the hatred, the anguish, the sadness that is built up in me. That wants to seep out and try to take over completely.

It's just so tiring to control that other side. So tiresome to keep that side chained inside your soul. Tiresome to snuff the flames out. At these vital points, i just want to submit to it. Submit to the lies that speak within my heart, just so it will shut up.

These are just a few things that go on. Just a tidbit of what i have to deal with, when these emotions arise. I wanted to write down, what i was thinking, just so, that maybe it will quiet down. Just so, i don't have to deal with these emotions. Guess this is what i have to say, until next time.

September 28, 2011

Book Review on The Lady in White.....

Okay, well i just finished The Lady in White and it wasnt to bad, but could of been a bit better than what it was.

There was a few things that annoyed me. First, was making Elizabeth Tudor a cold hearted bitch. When she wasnt. That kinda annoys me more so than anything, but of course didnt put a lot of her in it.

Second, thing i hated was the grammar and such. A lot of the book, i had to figure out what she was saying. Most of the stuff needed comma's and colons in places. Sometimes i had to reread the page three times before i had to put some words in, for it to make sense.

Third, the romance to it, really sucked. It took her about a hundred pages to try and make it seem seductive. And when she did put some romance in it, it was boring. It didnt even make me drool. Like some do for romance novels.

Now, those are the things i hated in the book. But i did like some things. Like the plot of the book was very excellent. It flowed very well. Also i could relate to the characters. The characters were written and built really well. Also, i was hooked til the end of the book.

The only thing i was a little disappointed in, was that the ghost part, wasnt a lot of in the book. I think she put it in about five times or so, during the whole book. That was the most intriguing things in the book. Althought i wouldnt read it again.

I would give this book a 3 because of the things i loved and how it kept me going. But also that low for the other things as well.

September 26, 2011

Oh today isn O/our day.

Well today wasnt a good day at all. As you can see, me and my fiancee walked up town today to go to thrift stores. Well W/we go to the Silver house thrift store, and boy did they change a lot. There use to be a dollar bag sell on clothes. Now they dont have it and they have these tags on it.

W/we get there at three something and wasnt there for more than five minutes, when the manager came up to me and says W/we have ten minutes till the store close. Boy i just told Daddy, lets go. So W/we walk up to the St. Vincent, thrift store and boy was that better. I got another ten books today and a bangle. On that, i had a lady comment on the bracelet and said," let me see it." I show her, and she is like," no, i want to hold it." So i was like okay, you will give it back. And she didnt, thank goodness the old guy snatched it from her and gave it back. But also that guy was a perv, only talking to me, because im showing a little bit of cleavage.

So, get home after that and i cant go anywhere else because my feet are bleeding. From all the walking lately. So i stay home and Daddy is like well im going to go to safeway to get you a pop. Well around seven pm, he comes home and says, you are not going to believe what happened to me. I got kicked out of the store and they are going to call the cops.

Boy was i livid. All because He dresses somewhat homeless. Because W/we dont have the money for clothes and such. And W/we have to walk everywhere to get to any places. And thought he put things in his pockets and had another employee follow him. Man i had to walk to the safeway in the fucking dark. And i have cataracts and wholes in my eyes. So it makes it difficult for me to get anywhere and plus this place is dangerous at night.

But i want to stick up for my Daddy and let Him shop there. So I go in and i talk to the lady. Oh boy does this part, make me tickle pink. She and the other store managers were talking to each other. I wanted to speak with the one, and she is like, (stuttering) well im going to have her with me. Like i was going to punch her lights out. Boy, did i want to. But i kept my cool.(well somewhat).

But at the end, they still said he was a shoplifter when He isnt. I just let it go, but He can come in and such. And W/we went in to get a pop, and i felt like they were watching. But, im not going there anymore. I told them, you know W/we walk a lot, and W/we come in to see if W/we can get food, since W/we dont have a lot of money. But they are going to be nazis about it, im done with it.

Like me and Daddy have been talking, just take the bus and go to the Wal mart. And i advise you, if you go to safeway, think twice about it. I know im done with that store.

September 23, 2011

Things going on lately

Well today, Daddy actually walked me out in public. I was very surprised to see Daddy do that. I guess W/we are slowly working O/our way to public stuff. As you know, i already wear my collar everywhere... but now slowly walking me.

It was very interesting walking in public. I think W/we had a few people gawk at me, while W/we were out. I think W/we will be doing this from now on... but I'm not sure.

Also, today W/we did a little bit of "puppy play". Mostly walking around the room and barking. I just don't think i can do it full time, or with the cage and such. But doing the walking and barking is really fun.

Then He fed me last night which He never does. So it was fun, actually doing a little bit more than W/we usually do. And then the following day, I got punished for misbehaving. He never really does this, but He tied me up and tied me to a cupboard and spanked me a little bit. I was really surprised to see Him actually tie me up, and leave me there for a bit. And then spank me, while i was helpless.

I almost forgot. When He tied me up, He wanted to put me in the basement. And i am deathly afraid of basements, i.e. why He wanted to put me down there. He pushed me to the door, and since i am bound, i couldn't really do anything. The stairs was close to the door, and i opted out to throwing myself on the stairs than being dragged down there. Fell on my right hip on about four steps and the pain was really bad. I couldn't get up for about a minute or so. I was shaking and crying because of the pain, and the next day, a huge bruise on the hip.

I still have the bruise, as well with the wasp sting, ugh. I just hate healing so slow. But all and all if i had to do that scenario over again, i think i would fall on the stairs again. But i think i need to trust my Daddy in that area a little more. And that will take time to do, since it is a huge fear of mine.

It is nice seeing that W/we are doing more of the lifestyle lately. But come next month, W/we will have almost all month to do it free range. Without worrying and such. Ah, i miss doing it without thinking if someone is coming home early or not. But it is good, that He is doing more, than what W/we usually do.

Anyways the reason i wrote this, is to show how my feelings and such were with the new things that W/we had done. Of course i talked to Daddy first with this. But i think my overall reaction is that i like it. It is very interesting. I think the reason why i liked it a lot, is the reaction to people who are not in the lifestyle.

I like to see the reaction people give me, to see if they are open minded or not, about the lifestyle. Like, i wear my collar everywhere, and the first day i put it on, I had a lady in a van, gawk at me, like she was shocked to see me wearing it. And then when Daddy actually put it on, on the bus, i had an old guy chat me up. He thought it was amusing that i had it on. So, i guess i like to see how the society sees me as. Because online, it doesn't fair to well.

Like, on the internet, most times i am called a whore, in so many words. Like, i have a lot say, well do you get paid for doing this. I'm still not sure why, they think i get paid for being in my lifestyle. Maybe it's because of the stereotypes and think that all who are in the lifestyle get paid and such.

This is why, i write about the lifestyle, and to get people to understand that there is so much more about it than people know or think they know. So, please think before you speak. And try to keep an open mind with the lifestyle and other things. Because you may have a really good friend in the lifestyle without ever knowing. Plus, before you spout that you do know about the lifestyle, think on this. Do you know exactly what BDSM is about? Do you know what goes on, in the daily lives of slaves and Masters? Are you just thinking what people think what BDSM is about... like do they constantly have sex. The people who do not have sex, are just weirdo's and they arnt in the lifestyle. If you think in this way, you need to read up on it, or talk to someone who is in it.

Until next time......

September 9, 2011

Update....

I want to thank everyone who has prayed for me and my fiancee. God came through and gave us food money for this week. And next week is secured. I want to thank and appreciate all who prayed for us.

September 8, 2011

URGENT....Need help, please Pray for me and fiancee.

Well i found out, there is no food for me and my fiancee till who knows when the pastor pays. No one cares if we starve or not. No one wants to help.

We really need prayer and it be answered soon. Please help, pray that God will let the pastor pay tomorrow, so we wont have to worry about this. We need more than food money. We also need meds and such as well. We are out of everything and im running out of options.

Im praying as much as i can, but when other Christians pray and come together as one, it is answered faster and such. I really need it please. I am sick, and burning up with a fever, and i cant get to the docs for it at all. I am trying to ride it out, but not sure how i long i can do that.

This is why im posting this up. Really need all the prayers we can get. Need to get out of this situation, and such. I cant live like this any longer. I dont know if you can hear or actually feel it, how much we need it right now. Please God, help us.

Thank you for everyone who is praying.

Pretty much tired and run down.

Today, was Daddy's doctor's appointment. W/we left at 1:11 pm and got back home at 5:11 pm. W/we were in the clinic for about two, three hours, want to know why? Because they say He has anxiety and also depression. So they prescribed Him, zoloft, and a calming pill along with the rest of his medicine.

Now, if you do not know, W/we do not have insurance nor money for this. On top of this, His family doesn't want to help. I mean do you know how much, this is coming out of food money? Fifty dollars. This food isn't going to last, because W/we have to get this.

His family annoys me, since W/we depend on them for now. They say well you need to get help, as in, get on the medicines and get seen. Well W/we did this, and they are like, we don't have it, you are going to have to sell things.

If W/we had things to sell, W/we would already do that. W/we don't like to grovel, but isn't that what family is suppose to be? To help in a time of need, like this? I just cant take it. I feel like i am the one who made Daddy break. And when i hear this, it makes me upset and angry at the same time.

Please, anyone who reads this, please pray for me and Daddy. W/we really need it. Thanks.

September 7, 2011

BDSM Inclinamtion quiz

This is a test i took on quizfarm. About BDSM..... and this is what i scored.


You Scored as Masochist

Masochist 93%
Switch 89%
Experimental 79%
Bondage 79%
Submissive 75%
Degradation Lover 57%
Vanilla 43%
Sadist 32%
Dominant 11%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur 7%

Finally it got me right. i am more masochist than anything. But switch i dont think so lol. Im more Submissive than a switch. Tsk tsk

the site here *http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/Sex/poeticthinker/do-you-have-an-inclination-for-bdsm/index.php*

I hate being right....

Well today, i was woken up to smelling horrible burnt tire smell. And a lot of stuff going on. Well you remember the post i posted, yesterday? Well, im right, they are tearing up our street now. And I am blocked in. Not sure how the hell im gonna get anywhere. Also, me and Daddy,take the bus. It has been detoured and im not sure where the hell that is going.

These people in Montana, do not think out, how to let people get around and such. They just want to dig up the stuff, and just look like they know they are doing things. Can we have some intelligence and figure out how to detour people, instead of just digging things up?

i mean, there are residents who live on this street. So how can we accommodate to it? Oh, i just hate this city. And you wonder why i want out. I'm not sure how they are going to be working through the winter on this stuff, since our winters are bad. Who knows, maybe this construction at our place, will only last for a few days. But i think im wishing now..

September 6, 2011

So not feeling so well still.....

I'm just getting worse and worse each day. Been trying to lay down and also take care of Daddy. All it is doing is wearing me down. And then i found something out. Well, i have to back up a bit, since no one is from Butte.

Well, since hm, maybe spring of this year, Harrison Ave, in Butte, Montana has been nothing but construction. I'm not kidding, They have tore up all the roads, on Harrison, probably halfway to Wal-Mart. Okay, well im not liking that since we have to take detours all through out the place, since there is no where else to really go.

Then, today, i look outside the house and there all these road closed all around us. I'm already thinking that they are going to tear up all of this street. I so do not want this street to be torn up. I mean, me and Daddy wanted the sidewalk in front of the house fixed but not the whole road.

I'm heck, they haven't finished the Harrison one, and they want to do this road. I'm so not looking forward to this. Because we will be seeing this for months on end. Construction wont be done till next year. I'm hoping and praying they just put the road closed signs up because they are stupid enough and don't have a place for them.

Can't hurt to be hopeful. Until next time.