About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

January 22, 2012

Family trying to start shit.. gotta love it, huh


Just a little something I saw lingering around on the net, of course from that twat that's supposed to be my sister;

"It's kinda sad to know ill never have the whole family get together for Christmas eve and Christmas. But, being with my mom and dad only, always makes up for it. At least I know that part of the family loves me. The rest can get over themselves. Except for one of our cousins.

Sister: I'm not being hateful. I'm just tired of seeing it... No family to spend it with, so why be all cheerful? Just another bullshit day, nothing special about it. Only thing, happy birthday Jesus. That's about it though. You wouldn't blow my wall up with that, would you?

Okay, i saw this a few days ago on my sis's facebook wall. Yes, i do look from time to time to see how the family is acting to see if i can be able be family again. But i saw this, and i have to shake my head at this.

I see on Christmas day that she is all moody and what not. And it is reference to me, in a subtle way. Saying that it is my fault that im not with the family. That it is my fault that she cant have a good Christmas and what not. I hate when family whine about this. Because it makes me think, well why do they only love or miss me on one holiday of the year but for the rest of the time, they can hit me and call me everything in the book. So, how does that make sense that it is my fault that im not with the family. Just doesnt make sense at all.

She tells this to a friend of hers, that she cant spend it with family so why be cheerful. Hm well that makes me think, all the times we were nice and what not to each other it was a fake happiness. So, it just shows how evil my family is, and that it is sad, that the only time they want to think of me is on this holiday.

I guess my hopes of becoming a family is a fail, but that is okay. I have wiped my feet from this family and will make a new family soon. Until next time."

And what I think about this: Sister: I'm not being hateful. I'm just tired of seeing it... No family to spend it with, so why be all cheerful? Just another bullshit day, nothing special about it. Only thing, happy birthday Jesus. That's about it though. You wouldn't blow my wall up with that, would you?
Why, yes indeed I did write this. But no, it wasn't about you. Don't get your granny panties in a wad there missy. The whole "family" selection was definitely not about you. You're not family, get your facts straight. I was having a conversation with a friend, trying to explain to them how I felt about Christmas. Was that so bad? My mom, dad, and I do not have family in TENNESSEE, dumbass. They're all in Michigan. Was your name in this comment? No ma'am, I believe it was not. Step off your high horse for a minute and get your shit together. When we were little and I was "nice" to you, uh, duh...of course that wasn't geniune. You knew I hated you. I knew you hated me. But being civil doesn't make you fake. There's more to come. Just keep scrolling to see more shit talk this bitch does!

"Working on my memoir...Interworks of Ashpea,Part one
Posted by CreativeGrotto
I have so many memories going through me. And what is scary, is that they are good ones. But, the emotions behind it, are sad, thoughtful kind. wonder where it came from? Ill tell you.

I was an idiot. From time to time, i check up on my family. See if they are truly happy without me, truly hate me, for who i am. Sure, it may be pathetic, but i guess its how i cope with things.And, i see that my mother is truly happy without me. I see her chatting with someone i don'tknow, and she is her happy self, once in a blue moon, with me. I also see, that she has replaced me with my god sister and that makes me ponder on some things.It makes me think, did they love me, just a small fraction of my time with them? Did they really love me, that when i left, they had to replace that void with another person they know? or, am i thinking way too much into it. And that i know how they are. Just dumb asses who never loved me, and that it is true, on what they said. I was just a burden and was grateful my Daddy/fiancee took me instead.

When pondering on those thoughts, my mind whirls around to these memories, i have. I'm glad, that i have good memories. Yes, i know in my heart, i only have a few good memories. And, I'mglad to have them, but what is shaking me so much, is that i feel so sad with these memories. Maybe the reason i feel like this, is i wish and yearn for a family. A real family, that loved me, and actually cared for me. And in these memories, i saw a glimpse of it.And, that is where i yearn for it.

I miss those times, sitting with mom, watching movies with her, and actually not fighting or getting hit. I miss those times, where we would play games and actually be a family. I miss those times, where dad actually says i love you, and mean it. I miss those times, when my family would actually talk to me, like i was an adult, and not a baby. You, see, these are some of the things i want in a family.

When these thoughts come up, i get these feelings like, did i give up a good family? Even though i now its an absurd logic. Did i make a wrong choice in not talking or seeing them ever again? Are a few things i think of, when i see my family so happy without me. It makes me so confused again. It makes my confidence in who i am, shatter into million of pieces, and makes me wonder if who i thought i was, is truly me, or what my family said i was, is true.

I have always dealt with this. Always dealt with knowing who i am. And if being a slave and being this confident person, is truly me. Or what my family thought of me:being a hermit crab, crying my eyes out, cutting all the time, never knowing who i truly was, always quiet, and a puppet basically. And when they do this, act like their life is so perfect without me, this is what happens.

I start thinking and pondering, if i made the right choice. Or that what i thought of them, is just a mere delusional one. That a teenager was being a rebel to her parents, and thought that they are worse than what they are. But, i know in the back of my mind, i hear it screaming to me, "YOU KNOW THE TRUTH. YOU KNOW THEY ARE ABUSIVE, WHY ARE YOU TORMENTING YOURSELF LIKE THIS."And for some reason, i can never make my mind, realise that mysubconscious is right.

Why can i listen to it, without my thoughts clouding it. Why cant my heart listen to it, when i feel it breaking so much. Is it because of that, i don't listen to it? or is it the mere fact, that when i feel like this, so many memories surface into my head, and make me replay them, like they are being done to me, in the present.

Like now, my memories are, in order: back when i was three years old, before going in for surgery, i remember my father sitting down on the floor with me,playing with the foamy blocks. I remember the feeling of being excited that my father was actually playing with me, but at the same time, i felt this other emotion, felt like something was going on in the background, butwasn't sure what was going on. I just reveled in that moment. Basking in the so called sunlight, that my father actually paid attention to me.

Maybe that is why it stays with me and makes me feel so sad, is that i yearn for that. I had always hoped my family would be a family. Actually love me, like they did at that time. I love to see that memory when I'm upset, but tonight, i don't. It just makes that yearning for a real family ache so bad inside of me. Like i want to scream, "WHY CANT I HAVE A FAMILY NOW?".

Other memory that sticks clearly, is all the times my mother would sit down, actually sit down and watch movies with me. This would happen a lot through my childhood and teen years. And i loved it. There was no yelling, there was no, disgust in my mother's eyes. I felt like i was bonding with her, and taking the time out, to be with me.Sure, sometimes, my mother would be upset with me, and tell me to get out of her sight, while watching movies, but that only happened twice in my life. And the more i think about it, I'm glad that she didn't do it anymore than those times.

I like these memories, because i felt like i could be myself while around my mother. I felt like there was no barrier between us, or the tension we always had with one another. And afterwards, she would listen to my critic on the movie, and me with her. And sometimes with Historical fiction movies, if she didn't know what was going on, we would pause the movie, and i would explain it to her.I felt like i was part of the family, and maybe why it makes me question so much in my life. Make me always think, is this my true family? Or, was i adopted. I know, silly for a person to think, even if she is grown. But i still do that, because my genes and my traits are nothing like my family. Makes me ponder, where did i get my thinking and logic from. Anyways, with that, is another subject, i will get to, in a few.

And the only other memories i have that are good, is that my whole family would take the time out of their lives and play games with us. Actually play games, and have fun.Or mom painting my finger nails, and trying to make me a girly girl, and have a girls night out, by painting my face up(make-up), hair done, nails done, and take pictures of it, and say, you look like a model, instead of her usual tone and language.

This play a powerful role in my life. These few memories, are why I'm so confused with who i am, and what i think of my family. I know outsiders think my family, is their the perfect family in today's society.But, in reality, once you get to know my family, really get to know them, by talking with them all the time, you start to see how bad they are.

Sure, you are wondering why i am badmouthing them so much, and clearly you will see throughthis novel or so, why i clearly don't like my family. Why i don't keep in touch with my family. And the decision i had to battle so hard with, each and every night. Do you think I'm a bitter person for this, well i hope you don't see me as that. Because I'm not bitter about it.Sure, i yearn for a family, and upset that my family decided to take the family over me and try to change their ways. But, i know God will take care of me and them.

In fact, i actually am grateful for what i went through with them. It has made me a strong person and every other thing that is made up in me. Shocking, right, i know it is for me.

Enough rambling on that, i know I'm getting off the subject of what i was writing, but i felt like i needed to write it down. Another thing that is making me sad, is that i question God in my life.

Every time my family makes me ponder on my "true self" i always see that i question my faith as well. I always think, where did i get my faith from. Where did i ever find God? I always think it was my grandma, who always talked to me about God, but when i ponder on my memories, i see that i have always, in some way, follow God without really realizing it.

I think where did i get this faith from? When my family has always not been with God. so, i think, where did i start actually praying, and trying to get a personal relationship going with God. Surely, it wasn't from my family. So it makes me think, that everything i have hold on to, all my memories and etc, are just fake things that i have deluded myself with.

I go back to thinking, did i do the right thing. Did i make the right decision to leave my family and to have a better life without them? And to have a better relationship with God as well?At the time, i really thought my grandma told me so much about Him, but now i see, that God had come to me."

Yeah, that's just part ONE of her "memoir". Anyone who has contact with this girl, I'm sorry. The lies she is feeding you, I call bullshit. She's 4 years older than I, but I lived in this household with these two wonderful parents (yea right)and, unfortunately her. So, therefore I think I would know the truth, am I correct? You can't remember anything at age 2, dumbass. You were never raped. You were never abused. My mother is amazing. Yeah, she can get in her moods, but she's fucking human. EVERYONE gets in moods. Chill out with your bullshit lies. Yes, I have disowned you. I fucking hate you. I don't care what happens to you, how you are, who you are, etc. You did this to yourself. Keep thinking about those "memories". My hatred for you is indescribable. Sue me. You're a disgrace. There's more where this came from, but I think I'm done for now. You wanna keep on spouting lies about MY family, I'll spread your bullshit around like it's nothing. I'm exposing your true self to anyone and everyone. The ones you knew in Tennessee will finally see how you really are. And to those who know/knew her, I'm sorry. Such a tragedy. No, she isn't my sister. As of 4 years ago, the bitch is dead to me.

hm, now im just waiting for the cops to come out. And saying that Daddy is abusive, lol i love that part. Keep it coming Kayla, im saving every last piece of shit you say. Go ahead, and we will see what goes on. This is what my family is, and i love how i am getting fame now for her posting some of my stuff on facebook. All it does is get more traffic. Thank you for that lol.

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