About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

January 26, 2012

Good news today....

Today i got wonderful news. My aunt contacted me to tell me my grandma made scrapbooks for me. And that she will only give them to me. I feel excited. This is the first time, in about two weeks or so, I've been happy or even receiving good news. I feel bad though, for being so mad at my grandma. I thought she disowned me and didn't want to talk to me, and why i didn't get that closure. But, I'm not going to blame myself for that. I know grandma understands that i was out of it and didn't know what was going on at all.

I get that information and I'm really surprised and happy. At first i told Daddy, i don't want anything from grandma, because it would bring up so much hurt and anger and etc. But, i got that messaged, i broke down bawling my eyes out and the first thing out of my mouth is Daddy, i want the scrapbooks. I said that a couple of times. I feel it in my heart, i need those. That is my closure that i didn't get with her.

For a while i couldn't stop crying. I think i was finally getting to that stage of accepting it all. I'm still not completely up to par, but a lot better now. But, with the bullshit been going on in my family, i let them get to me once again. I let their lies get to me, and make me contemplate all my memories with my grandma were real or not. I feel really bad for letting that get to me. But, it's time to try and forget them.

I talked to a couple of good people in wire club and they gave me a good idea. Writing a letter to my grandma with all my feelings and such. And i think that would be a good way to have some closure. Now as i am happy to get them, i wonder what it is. My mind keeps going right back to it. Thinking how many scrapbooks are there, what's in them and etc. But, mostly i am very happy that i see my grandma was herself til the end, and that makes me happy to a point.

I feel like a child right now. i want the stuff now. But the reason for this, is because this is the first that i got from someone who has died, but also from someone i loved dearly. I cant wait for them to come. I wrote my aunt back, just got to wait til tomorrow. That is the only thing i hated, is that i got the message really late, and didn't know how to respond to it. So, now it has to wait,but I'm glad that people are finally opening their eyes to my family, or i should say mom and them. Until next time...

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