About Me

My photo
I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

May 24, 2012

People who think they are doms in this lifestyle....

ja=jack ass

ja:are u really engaged
me:yes and im owned
ja:then i can't talk to you....i'm a dom
me:well then go away
me:shessh, if that is what you are going to do
me:is waste time
me:then dont ever pm in the first place
me:that is you
me:love how you assume things
me:fake ass dom
me:now good bye
ja:i beg to differ
me:now good bye
me:stupid fake ass dom
ja:i didn't assume shit...you're the one that started off saying you were owned
glad you can spell like a 3rd grader. keep it up
me:and like i said
me:fake ass dom
me:as i can see
me:you are here
me:who just wants to own someone
me:just to have sex
ja:not even a little bit
me:whatever you say
ja:way to assume things because you're so uneducated and probably having no idea on life. continue on enjoying having no idea on anything.
me:bye dumb ass

Okay, so this guy just pm's me out of nowhere. And with my rules, when someone asks if I'm really engaged or something like that, then i have to say I'm owned. Well then after that he is like, well i cant talk to you. 

What is the first thing that comes to your mind if someone just says out of nowhere, okay i cant talk to you? Mine, is that you want to own me, or you want to try and have sex with me. And I'm not like that. So i told the dude, if you are just going to do that, then you shouldn't pm in the first place. Because all he is doing is wasting time and that irritates me a lot. And then right after that, he thinks being a dom, is by putting down someone who messes up on one little thing. Yea, that is the way to go to being a macho dom. 

But you get to see an insight how i have to deal with dumb asses on a daily basis. Until next time.

May 22, 2012

My testimony on how i came to God. :)

I really don't open myself up to this, but i feel like God wants me to do this. Um this is my testimony of coming to God and how He has worked in my life. 

Since the time i was born i was abused emotionally/mentally and physically by my family. And with that others sexually abused me. I have never known God all my life, but i heard my grandma talk about Him all the time, and at that young age, i thought He was just another human being. I felt like i had no one in my life when all of this stuff was going on. 

I felt like i was on my own, but then at times, i felt like i wasn't. I heard that i could pray to God all i wanted and i thought why not. So i started praying without ever really knowing God probably at the age of nine. At first i thought it was silly, as i thought no one heard my pleading prayers of getting out of this horrible life. And when time kept going, i just kept praying and thinking maybe someone will hear one day. So i kept praying about different things and it led to me, one day thinking, why not just talk to God. maybe He hears me no matter what, and this is without really knowing Him as my savior or on a personal level. I was hurting so much i needed someone in my life and i thought who else? 

Years went on, the abuse, mental and physical kept going, but would die down some, but it never went away.And at first with all of this being new to me, i was angry at Him for letting the abuse to go on for so long, and asked why He hasn't helped and why He didn't stop it. And i was upset for a long time and i didn't understand why He didn't help in any way. Until one day in 2006, my family went to church and i prayed for Him to come into my life and to take away the burdens that have been on me for so long, and that is when i felt God's presence in my life. He told me, that He has always kept His promise to me, and to always hold onto that. With that, i gave my life to Him, i started building a personal relationship with Him. When things got really bad in the house, i would always cry to Him.

I always asked, i want someone who would love me for who i am, and not be in this type of environment. And a year later, He answered my prayer. My fiancee came into my life, with God's help, knocking down so many walls, knocking down so many doubts i had in my life. And God showed me that he was the one for me. And he was going to help me. And sure enough, in 2008 when my mother threaten to kill me, i finally left that environment. 

And now, me and God have a very strong relationship, but that still grows all the time. I still have hardships, as you see, with this place, not being so great right now, but for some reason God wants us to be here and have to wait when He helps us again. And with each hardship i go through now, i look back on my past when i was so angry at Him for not helping, i thank Him for not intervening at those times because it has made me a strong person, and having faith in God. 

Each step now, is a little hard now, but it wont be as hard as it was in the past. And with family still tracking me, to other things, i know God will cast these people out of my life, and help Us out of our darkness and have a good life. I would like to say this, if you blame God for something that is going on in your life, maybe you should reflect and think that it is free will and that it is human beings who are doing the things in your life, that makes you very miserable and so forth. God has told us, when we come to Him through Jesus, that He will never forsake us. 

May 15, 2012

My dreams as of lately....

For some reason God wants me to share this. Um before i post the dreams, i want to say, is that just today i got this awful feeling. I mean its in the pit of my stomach, I'm light headed, wanting to throw up, and crying. I feel like He wants me to say something, or to throw out my dreams and someone will see this that needs to see this. But here we go......

Like a day beforehand, i had another miscarriage. I was pregnant and i lost the baby. Was cramping really bad and a lot of blood and clots with it. 

Now with that one, it was scary, i went and checked and i was bleeding a lot. I don't do that really on my last days of my periods.

Then today i had another one. Sigh, i remember in the beginning me and Daddy were on a train going to my grandparents place. i was antsy as i didn't want to go but i had to. Was on the train for a couple of days, i was getting sleepy and fell asleep for a while. Got up and went with Daddy and got coffee. 
 From there it jumped to this house, and W/we were in the bathroom taking a bath. The bathroom was a bit different. The tub was in the middle of the room and was up a bit. And Daddy got out for some reason and i thought why not masturbate. So i did, and right after that, i was cramping really bad. So i thought of wiping to see what was going on. And a lot of blood and clots were coming out of me, but wasn't changing the bath water at all. I was crying a bit, and i did it again and i saw hair, and a face. It freaked me out and i was panicking a bit and crying. I lost the baby again. 

And then today, or i should say last night. I had it again, but it was a bit different. I was pregnant and i was doing pretty good. I was probably about five or six months along and i was with Daddy/fiancee and W/we were going somewhere on the bus. Then all of a sudden i felt that cramping feeling and this gush of blood/water came out, and then the baby came out. I just heard it plop on the ground and from there, i wasn't sad, but a bit worried. From there i put it in a bag, but it was only the head this time. That is all i remember of this dream.

I don't know what is going on. All i do know is God wants me to show this for a reason. Maybe to get some answers to this, or to warn someone or something. But I'm having awful pain with this one. I wake up sobbing my eyes out, I'm cramping for hours on end, waking Daddy up and He just cuddles with me saying it will be okay and then it dissipates. 

It scares me each time i have this. As there is physical and then emotional/mental emotions/feelings to it. I will mourn/sad for days on end for something i never had and I'm not sure why. I feel like with my other dream. My baby died and W/we covered it up and no sooner did i have that dream, something awful happened in Japan. I'm hoping this is not the case with these dreams, but i feel something awful with this one. I can feel it in my bones, and i hate to say that. As these are horrible dreams. So bad i don't want to sleep at all, just in case they come back. 

I tried thinking okay maybe it is something going inside of me, as i had it once and that was the end of it. But I'm having it all the time, in different ways, but the feelings are the same, so i know for sure it is not about me. Sigh I just don't know what to do anymore. Sigh Until next time...

May 14, 2012

For a fucking ass mother.... yes a day late for mothers day, huh

I see you looking at my blog, I'm not that stupid you know. I know why you have been on it quite a bit lately and it is pretty sad. I see you want to see if i have mention you at all, well guess what, i will now. 

I'm tired of you doing this. You think you are wonderful mother and think well i will check up on my daughter and see how she is. Hm if you really cared about me, then why are you only looking up on holidays that you only celebrate? And you never even called, when we were in touch, never talked to me and asked how i was and so forth, so why care now?

Oh i know why, to look like you are this wonderful, glorious mother, when in fact you are not. I hate this fucking day, as i have to be reminded that you, who is suppose to be my mother, brings up so much fucking memories and pain, all because of what the fuck you did. Yes, YOU. 

Now, i will say this and i have a new tradition. Each mothers day and fathers day comes by i will say fuck it. Because you know why, you were never my mother or my father at all, so why should i take it, like oh i love my family to bring me in this world. When my thoughts are, why did you bring me into this world? When all the fuck you did, was abuse the hell out of me? Hm, yes i have a lot of anger in me, all because of what the fuck you have done. 

This is all you are getting, and i told you, I'm not wasting my breath on you, unless it is something in my book that i still write. I just don't post it, because i know how you guys are. You think you are so cunning and clever when in fact you are not. You are fucking dumber than a box of rocks. Okay now, I'm done for a while. Chew on that, when you spy on my poetry page and here. And if i see you are still on my poetry page, i will be saying some shit on there as well. You want to have some chaos going on in your life and you are going to spy and speak ill things of me, then here you go. This should last you for a good month. ~Ends rant here~

May 11, 2012

Oh today's mentality of things.....

Okay well had to go to wal mart to finish up O/our shopping. I had to get things for my tummy, as im sick once again. And while there, i saw these kids, around the ages from eight to thirteen going around. Now they looked like wanna be gangsters and i just shook my head and kept going to get the food.

Finally almost at the end, had to get tums all the way across the store, and i see the kids again. i hear them first say, i see her around a lot, lets do something. I just kept walking, and i thought they were talking about me. No sooner than i thought that, they come up, and asked if i wanted their chicken nuggets. i said no thank you and kept walking. He kept insisting that i take the chicken nuggets. Finally i look at him for the third time, and i put some bite into my words and said no thank you now leave me the fuck alone. And from there, the girls were laughing really hard and they were going or so.

Finally get in the car to go home,, and im not kidding i see them in the fucking car next to U/us. They keep staring at U/us, and finally i had enough that i flicked them off.  The kids were shocked and kept going. We came up to them again and she flicked me off so i did it once more. And they were laughing. And saw them once more, and they were trying to provoke me as they kept flicking me off, and not even with the right finger at that. I looked at them and i lipped you are so lucky you are in that car and finally went home.

This is why i hate most fucking kids/teenagers now a days. They can do whatever the fuck they want, and if they annoy an adult off so much that the adult hits them, they will go to jail for it. And they know this and why they fucking do this. I told Daddy they are so lucky W/we were not back in TN because back there they dont give a flying fuck if you knock someone out. I've done it quite a bit to people who did this.

At points i feel bad, like i have changed for the wrong reasons and that being a slave has weaken me because i didnt fucking hit them. I know i did the right thing and not do anything, but with what my family has put into me, it makes me question things at times. Sigh, but i know this for sure, the next time someone does this, im going to look at them all sinster and will tell them to fuck off or i will punch the hell out of them.

I just want to shop in peace and quiet. I dont need any other drama in my life. I've got a lot going on as it is. Shessh dont add more to it. Anyways, end of rant.

May 4, 2012

Finished A Passion For Glory.....

Whew, i finally finished one book called A Passion For Glory and i must admit it was an excellent book. I was really engrossed with it. I haven't read a book for a while now that i was really into. But, if you like historical fiction with spies in it, this is a great book to read.

I think i really liked about the book is that it really reminded me of Daddy and me. Of all the things W/we have gone through but no matter what W/we have gone through O/our love for O/one A/another is always strong and such, and it was like this in the book. I don't want to give too much away, but it had me guessing quite a bit of the time, and what would happen next. Like i said it's been a while since i had to really think in a book and what  not. Until next time...

May 1, 2012

Funny answer on sodahead....

oh my word you must have dated a girl from hell! let me guess you met her at a club? online dating etc. dont loose heart youl find the right one meant just for you. Change the places you look for a girl (i think you know what i mean?)

 reply me:
lol i've never dated a girl, as im a girl. I have a Daddy/fiancee, in the lifestyle. what i meant by fake ass dommes, is that im in the BDSM lifestyle, and i've been around them, aka my mom and sister. Plus on top of that, talking to some in the lifestyle, they think they own everything and etc.

Plus i have never seek a partner in a club and never will. Not sure where you assumed that at. But, with the online dating, it's where i met my Daddy/fiancee. And i've dated a lot on the internet, and it was crazy and you have to figure out who you can trust or not.

But with the last sentence, dont loose heart, i would really like to find a good friend, and that at times, is very hard to find. As most women who are not in the lifestyle, tend to do the power trips and etc. But with that, i try to stay positive, but when i see this, or when a women is being truly evil, it makes me doubt myself.

Lol i still reread this one and i still laugh on this one. Okay, so what is going on is that Daddy asked a question on sodahead. Asking if women are evil or whatever it was. And i wrote that they are fake ass dommes. And this person wrote back to me. 

I'm not sure how this person assumed i dated girls, or at clubs and what not. But i cant help but chuckle at this one. It's like where did they come up with this answer. I still cant help but shake my head at this. And what is more funny is this person never answered back. 

I think it's funny how people assume so much stuff. But anyways, enjoy and Until next time.....

This is a fake code of conduct on Wire club....

There exists within the wireclub community several of us who engage in activities that are in large part mis-understood and frowned upon by the vanilla members of the site. Many view the D/s lifestyle as weird, cruel, demonic and just plain evil or worse. This is probably due to the closed minded religious influenced rules of the society in which we exist.

The situation being as it is it would benefit us all if we “cleaned up our act” and presented the lifestyle in a better light. It would also benefit us by providing a happy and fun environment to practice and share our lifestyle with like minded members of the D/s community. It is very possible to maintain dignity in our activities while being courteous and respectful as is our way. The following is a Code of Conduct which, hopefully, will be accepted and followed by all of us in the lifestyle who control and guide subs and slaves in the lifestyle we share and enjoy.

The Code

For purposes of this document the term “Dominant” (Don) is used for the sake of brevity to identify those persons who have been entrusted to control the will of others, regardless of gender. The term “sub” for the sake of brevity, is used to identify those whose will is controlled by a Dom without regard to gender. The term “D/s” is intended to include all aspects of “BDSM”, and “lifestyle” is a broad term used to identify those of us involved in the various activities.

The term “troll” is used to identify a Dom who intentionally lurks in D/s chat rooms with the purpose in mind of coaxing committed subs into his/;her clutches and interfering with the relationships of others.
In order to maintain dignity, trust, and honesty among us, it is agreed that we will conduct ourselves within the parameters of this “code”, and we will:

Conduct ourselves in a dignified manner in chat rooms, within the rules established by wireclub and within the protocols and rules established by this code.

Respect the relationships that exist between the practitioners of the D/s lifestyle; recognizing the unique bond that exists between Dom and sub.

Refrain from criticizing or “bad mouthing” other Doms methods or practices, especially in a room occupied by subs.

Recognize that each relationship is unique and various instructions and rules of conduct are imposed on subs by their Doms. The display of respect of Doms by subs in chat rooms varies and is within the purview of the Dom to enforce the established rules. Use of commonly recognized capitalization common in the D/s life is preferred. A Dom is responsible for the conduct of his/her sub only.

Recognize and respect the authority of other Doms with their subs, and respect their relationships even though they may differ from your own.

Do not attempt to control, lead, teach, train subs who are committed and be respectful to subs who are not presently committed..

Doms will respect the authority imposed by other Doms upon their subs, and if a sub has been instructed not to chat in private that rule will be respected and no amount of pressure will be exerted upon a sub to defy the instructions of his/her Dom.

Doms will not engage in the practice of trolling in D/s chat rooms for committed subs.

While in a D/s chat room Doms will attempt to maintain order and avoid conflict with outsiders who enter and disrupt the room. If a Dom has moderator authority of the room that authority should be used to suspend trouble makers.

This is intended to be a “living” document and will be changed as required by a majority vote of those who have agreed to abide by its’ rules

As it previously read:
“Recognize as a minimum that subs are expected to address ALL Doms as Sir or Ma’am and will conduct themselves with common respect for all Doms. This is intended only as a common courtesy and does not require a sub to demonstrate more than mere courtesy and acknowledgement of the Doms.”

Changed to read:
“Recognize that each relationship is unique and various instructions and rules of conduct are imposed on subs by their Doms. The display of respect of Doms by subs in chat rooms varies and is within the purview of the Dom to enforce the established rules. Use of commonly recognized capitalization common in the D/s life is preferred. A Dom is responsible for the conduct of his/her sub only.”

Okay, when i was in these so called Master and slave rooms in wire club, a while back, i saw this. How can one "dom" make up this huge code for everyone to abide by? He cant make everyone in the lifestyle do what he wants. That is not what this lifestyle is about. It's about learning new things, maybe finding friends and so forth, but instead he wants people to agree with what he put and be the end of it.

The above text is from this so called dom on wire club. I've talked to him and his so called slave and they are crazy. They think they are right and that is it. I've gotten into a lot of fights with them and finally decided after people couldn't be adults and be in the lifestyle that i gave up on this side of the chat place. 

So with that, there are things that I've highlighted in this so called code. So we will begin there, shall we? Okay, no matter what people will always be closed minded to this lifestyle. It's not always about the religious part but it could be about people's morals, or how society thinks on it, or their way of thinking is only right. There is not one thing that leads people to hate or not like this lifestyle at all. And you cant say its just religious things only. There are so much more than that. 

The next thing, if we all cleaned up our acts. Yea, those people need more than just that. I've been in those rooms for a while and they all act immature, so fake and so forth. I think they tend to make the lifestyle so much worse because each one is set in their own ways and not want to accept anything else. But to make this code for everyone in the lifestyle to accept and to go by is really ludicrous. 

And from there, he wants everyone to accept it no matter what, and he didn't even think of all the slaves/subs Dom/me's tell them not to abide by anything but them? It's already going against so many people's rules that i had to say something on this. I told him, that i don't accept this at all and he went all out on me. And one reason why i left. But, you can not make people do what you want and so forth. That is not what this lifestyle is about. It's about listening TO YOUR DOM/ME. No one else. Yet he is making this plain that he wants everyone to do what HE WANTS. I think it's bull shit. 

He doesn't know what he is talking about. D/s means that it is a Dominant and slave relationship. As it means, that it's a 24/7 living one. Not using everything in this lifestyle. As most do not do all of what BDSM is. Look at me for instance, W/we only do S and M, and W/we are in a D/s relationship. I just love how he thinks he knows everything about this lifestyle, yet he cant get the definitions of what it is down. 

Now, he used troll, i don't use that for what these so called doms do. Yes, I've seen it many times that they would try it a lot. But, troll just means you go into these type of rooms and you just start shit. Most don't do that, they just try and cyber with people. I think he needs to figure out what it means. Sigh. 

The next thing, he says that all slaves/subs should respect everyone in the room. I'm sorry but this goes with each person in the lifestyle and how the Dom/me has trained their sub/slave. As me, i told him, I'm not going to respect anyone, as it is earned not given. He didn't like that at all. I would come in and say hi whatever their screen name was and not use caps. Sorry only one who gets caps is my Daddy/fiancee, everyone else is in lower case. He didn't like that, and would try and correct me. And i would tell him, he needs to back off. Only one who can do that is Daddy. As it is in my rules that i do not have to respect them right then and there. And respect takes a long time with me. 
 I gotten pretty much used to them trying to correct me and when they would try to do this, i would ignore them and keep on going. I noticed they started not liking me as i wouldn't go with their little code and what not. Because when i first saw it, i knew they were all fake, as they were all agreeing with this. And that these people who told me they were in the lifestyle for so fucking long, that they were doing these little workshops of knowing what a slave or what this lifestyle is. Just stupid as hell. 

I don't mind respecting when Dom's and their slaves come into the room. But if you are just going to come in and just "punish" them in front of people, sorry I'm not going to give respect. As this is not to show/flaunt,well i know most do that, and i don't like being around that at all. Like i would come into these rooms and most time i would have to be quiet as they were punishing their slaves and what not, and that isn't what chat rooms are about. It's about talking and such. I just don't like such things. And each time i would see this in the rooms, i would say something and then just leave. Sorry, but i know I'm a slave but to one person and after that, I'm myself and i will speak up on a lot of things. Don't like it, then just kick me out, or i will go somewhere else. 
As you can see, I'm a slave with a mind of her own, and i will always be like this. I'm not like these fake slaves who do what everyone wants, and they get stepped over and it's quite sad. Now that doesn't mean I'm talking about everyone in this lifestyle. Just the fake type. 

Well there are slaves/subs who want to learn things and they ask for it. I mean this whole conduct thing is pretty vague in areas or he wants you to do what he wants. I mean this isn't what the lifestyle is about. And the way he is "leading" this so called group is sickening. And then he has the nerve to say it is a living document. No one can do this in real life, as it is online. Then says he wants everyone to abide by it. Just i have to shake my head to this. 

At the end, he tried changing the wording to get me to abide by this, but it doesn't work like that. As I've said, i only obey one person and that is Daddy. And anyone who tries and change words, change something to show, they want me to conform to it, will not work at all. I have my rules, i have my loyalty, love and support from Daddy and no one else. And i want to write on this, to show you, just how fake these people are. To show that you should follow what your Dom/me and go with their rules. And i mean if they are true and such. Sigh, just people need to learn exactly what this lifestyle is about. Instead of following one person. Until next time...