About Me

My photo
I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

February 29, 2012

What is going on right now....

Shessh, no matter what, every two weeks or so, some kind of drama comes into O/our life. Well lately W/we been cleaning up the house and what not, to make it pretty good and what not. And if you don't know U/us but W/we can not have any powerful smells and what not in the house, car or around U/us. And His uncle gets it for the car. So W/we disposed of it and wanted to see how He could talk to His uncle about it, since he gets mad about every little thing W/we do.


So Daddy was talking to His mom on how to talk to the uncle. And she says leave him be. And it started to make me upset. Because W/we do leave him alone on things, but the major stuff that hurts U/us, W/we don't leave it be. So i held my tongue on that, but He was talking to His mom, saying how would you like it, if i told you to leave people be and what not. And i cussed, saying fuck it in general. I said it a couple of times and then all of a sudden His sister comes on and attacks me. Saying that His mom doesn't like me cussing and what not and that i should not cuss at her. I wasn't doing that at all. I was cussing in general, as i always do. And Daddy jump to my defense and of course i jump in because it pissed me off. And she starts screaming at me and saying that is my mom, you don't need to cuss at her, and i kept telling her i didn't. Because if i did, it was a mere accident and i would say sorry, because i don't cuss people out. That is just who i am.But she kept it up, and was using her disability against me. Saying, well if you don't want me to hear the voices then you need to stop it. And on top of that, if i did say that, Daddy would get on my case. I know He would. And i told them, i cuss in general. His mom hears me cussing all the time, and she doesn't say a word about it. But she went straight to Kelly about that. And then having that damn minion on my ass.


I had to be shushed a couple of times by Daddy. And from there, He just hung up the phone. And about a few minutes later He calls back, and was trying to calm everyone down. I was fine at that time, i just wanted an apology. But, He found out by His mom that His sister went to His aunt and that she was going to fly down here personally and kick U/us both O/out/ Now how silly is this, over some advice on an air freshener thing? Seriously, this isn't right at all.


With that, Daddy is really mad at them and basically disowned them. Which I'm still shocked on, because that is not like Him at all. With that, i don't like it when He gets mad, because He becomes irrational with His decision making. He wanted U/us to go to a homeless shelter, and of course this place is stupid. W/we would have to be separated at bedtime and that i wouldn't get hurt. Yet, it doesn't make sense, to sleep together you have to have a marriage license. Okay, why would W/we need a place to stay, if W/we had money for that? It just doesn't make sense at all. What about other people's lifestyles and what not. This place is just really a shitty town.


I am hoping soon enough W/we will be out of this and not have to go through this again. But Daddy scared me a bit, but it also shows how much He loves and cares for me. He told me, that if w/we go homeless and within that time frame i get hurt, He said He will hunt them down. That part scared the hell out me, because i never knew that side of Him. It's like, i didn't know how much He loved me and wants to protect me. 


The good part of this whole rant is this: He called up His uncle on the stupid phone and it sounded genuine that he didn't know anything that was going on. So on that, that is good and W/we wont be kicked out for that. But, W/we cant be here any longer as to what is going on. I hope this stuff blows over fast and can try and manage to have a somewhat of a good life here for the mean time. 


What makes me upset though is that He has disowned His family, as they all betrayed Him and that hurts a lot. Because I've done it with my family and now He did it with His. It is sad that He is not going to take them back after what they have done, and with that, i cant blame Him on that. 
 At this moment, i don't know what W/we are going to do, but take it one step at a time. Funny how i had weird dreams today and then this stuff comes out and about. Wonder what it all means.


But with this, i have really not like His sister at all, and i feel upset and mad at myself for letting my nature take a hold of me and help her out as much as i could. It makes me upset that i have to be nice to people who fucking hate my guts. And on top of that, when i was calm and she was on the phone and telling Daddy to listen to her, i told her, are you listening to me, i want an apology, of course she goes silent. I had it about a good dozen times, yet she wanted to go on about me and with her stupid disability. You know i don't do that at all. When I'm upset and mad at them, i do not say, oh you are putting so much stress on me that i hear things as well. I'm not like that and to twist my words an attack me for no reason, i will not be nice to you at all. All that did is bring out my Domme side and she can see how bitchy i can get. And it all happens around my period time, once again. It never fucking fails with that. It's like they wait until my hormones are out of whack to start shit. 


But i have made a decision though, if i have to, and it's a big if, i will talk to His aunt and try to get this under way. Even if she attacks me, i will be calm. I need to do this for Daddy. I do notice though when these major things that go on in O/our life, is when I'm really my slave self, and i think that is a good thing to do. Is to really try and be super super good and try to help out as much as i can. Like now, I'm trying to calm Daddy down, as He wanted to go walking in the cold snow, and at night at the least. I told Him no, it's not a good idea, as He likes to walk when He is mad. 
 But with that, i think i am finally done with my rant. So enjoy what is going on and Until next time...

February 28, 2012

People are just on power trips and such....



me:so do you still think im your friend, or what?
nate:i dunno wat to think anymore i try so hard with people and yet get back stabbed
me:and how did i back stab?
me:that is what i dont get
me:thats one thing that pisses me off, is people think im one way, or say i did something that i havent. and i wont have them as friends if that is what they are going to always assume
me:ive been in abuse all my life and i wont stand for that anymore
me:that is why i pmed you and asked that
nate:well in the room u seemed like u turned on me i guess the first reaciton to it is to act how i feel or see it
me:and how did i turn on you?
me:i didnt even do that at all
me:but if you are going to keep assuming things like that, i think it is best we are not friends
nate:ur like "shame on u" and tell ing me tshut up and shit like that
me:im not going to live in fear, or think or have to
me:always say what i have done and such
me:i have the damn thing and i did not say anything like that
me:i told both of you to shut it on the damn drama and such
me:if it was something else, i wouldnt of said anything
nate:ok tehn now i know im horrible beacuse ur yelling at me well the vibe im getting
me:im getting pissed off because you are saying that i turned on you when i clearly didnt
me:and im not going to stand for that at all
me:ive had it all my life
me:and im not going to have it anymore
nate:why if ur in abuse why not change it
me:i am changing it
me:that is what i am saying
me:im not going to have people
me:who say things that are not true at all
me:im not going to live in fear anymore and have to defend myself all the damn time
me:im not having it, is what i am saying
me:i had it all my life, and now it is going to stop
me:that is the whole reason why i pmed you
nate:ok tehn well u was getting mad at me so i took the way i would take it normally when people mad at me i shut off and shut down
me:to ask if we are friends and such
me:im not really mad at all
me:i was getting annoyed at the whole damn drama going on in that room
me:and it's best that both parties shut up
me:or take it to pm
me:and that is exactly what i said
me:nothing is out of person with me
nate:ok ..
me:so one more question, are you always going to be like this? that each time things come up i have to defend myself over ever little thing?
nate:i dunno depends on the situation and how i feel at the time i supose
me:okay, that makes up my mind. Sorry but you are going to come off the list. i cant be around people like this at all. Sorry but bye

Well this is sorta continued with the other thing, but in pm instead. I wanted to get this out and see what people intentions are. I'm not going to have people on my list if they are not wanting to be friends and such. I am here to make friends and to chit chat. But if you are here to collect and think I'm not your friend, what is the whole point of having me on your list? 


That is one thing i don't understand about people on wire club or even in the real world with that. They just want to collect and collect and be happy just to seem like they have so many friends and that they are happy when in reality they don't have friends at all and are not happy as well. So why put on a facade? I don't see the point in doing that all the time. 


As i stated in this conversation that i will not do that any longer. i did that long ago when i had too and i hated every ounce of that. I will no longer do that, and i will be myself. If you don't like it, and accuse me of being a bitch or being a back stabber, then i think it is best that we are not friends at all. I even said that in this conversation as well. 


What i say online is no different than what i say in the real world. Yea, i may be a bit more bold here, but everything that i state, i state in the real world as well. Nothing changes with me, but i may have to keep my mouth shut, only because i have to for Daddy. But with that, as you can see. my personality and stuff does not change one ounce. 


So it makes me really mad that people will think this of me, and accuse me of something i have not done. I wanted to get under way of what was going on. Again, part of my nature, as i need to know what people's intentions are. I don't like being passive aggressive to anything. I like to be in your face with everything. I say things to your face, not behind your back. 


And that is what i did in the chat room. I do not like people saying they are going to kill themselves all because of stupid drama and wanting attention. That isn't going to happen with me and i said it. Someone took it way out of proportion and you know what, it just made him be a bitch. Because i will not stand for it at all. And i will tell it to your face, which i did in the room. 


What i do not like is being accused. And i told him, why i was so pissed and annoyed at him. It's because my family has done it all my life. I had to fear them always accusing me of things, things i didn't do at all and etc. I am not going to live in fear any longer. 


I am out of that damn house, and maybe in another abusive home, but i can be me, and not have to worry about fearing so much. If you don't like it at all, then you can kiss my ass and go your own way. I'm not having it anymore. And he did that and i had to ask if he was going to keep doing that, and he said it depends. Then i had to said, it's over. Because if you have to say it depends on whatever it is, then i should not be your friend at all. And from there, he kept pming me. And finally i just ignored his ass.


I am tired of all the drama queens and attention whores out there. If you come my way and try to start shit, you better back it up. I'm done with a lot of shit. On the Internet and in the real world. Ever since i was going to get kicked out, the uncle here has made me snap and I'm not a nice person to be around any longer. And you wonder why. Well Until next time....

Irritating people who accuse me of things...


me:what is wrong nate?
Nate:doesnt matter ash
me:hm okay
Cool:ash they both like each other
me:hm
me:funny way of showing it
Coy:< Agrees with Ash.
Cool:ash advise them sumthing
me:well they should talk it out with one another in private, and from there to not have any drama and such
Cool:lol ash.....
Coy:I woulda said somethin different
me:well it's true
Coy:lmao
me:if they cant handle it
me:then they should both leave
Nate:yea kick me
me:how about kick both
me:that would solve it
me:end of drama and story
Cool:lol ash
Coy:If you kick him he will be all over wire saying he's gonna commit suicide
Coy:and saying she made him want to do it
me:well let him
me:this place has enough drama as it is
Cool:lol carla
Nate:turned on me have u slave ?
me:shessh you escape places to get away from drama
me:hm how have i
me:i dont like people
me:saying they are going to kill themselves
me:all because of stupid drama and to get a reaction
me:dont like it
me:then leave
Nate:thats how u have turned on my slave and to think u and i was getting on just fine i guess i was wrong
me:im not really in the mood to be playing these kind of games
me:im not your slave for one
me:reword your stuff
me:but i just came in here to chit chat
me:and i even asked what is up
me:and yet you do this
me:so i havent turned or anything
me:but go ahead and accuse me of anything i really dont care
me:i got enough stuff going on at this so called place im at
me:but anyways
Cool:ash chill
me:i am
me:but i dont like people saying things that are not true about me
me:and im not going to shut my mouth on that
me:i have to keep my mouth shut on a lot of things at my so called place
me:it's just not who i am
me:but like i said, anyways
Coy:Me to
me:what is everyone up too

You have to know who i am, in order to know why this conversation even got started. I just went into the chat room because a friend wanted me to. And then i see all this drama. I hate drama to the very core and i told them, look resolve it by going to pm or shut it and leave. Of course a so called friend thinks i back stabbed him and such. 


That is one thing that will get me really pissed. Is by saying something that is so untrue and you do it in public. I wouldn't of gotten so mad or annoyed if it was in pm, but i will still bring it up. But with this, i really hate people attacking me, after someone wanted me to give advice and on top of that saying i back stabbed or that i have turned on people. 


With the guy in this who accused me of that very thing, i thought was a friend. I guess that is one reason why I'm so pissed and annoyed right now. But with that i try giving him a chance to back it up and to prove that i did that. And he didn't really give me an answer, so i went off on his ass. I will not back down on this at all.


A lot of people who know me will say this is one of my greatest pet peeves in the world. I do not accuse people of things, unless it is true. So why would i want them to spout lies about me and have others to try and agree with that? I do not like being ganged up on, and etc. All that will do is make me really bitchy, as of now. 


But, with this, i came into the chat room to just chit chat. Not to have any drama going on, as there is a lot of stuff in my real life that is going on, that i haven't really talked about. So with all of that and then this, it just made me explode. And on top of that i have someone telling me to shush it. I don't think so. I will not shut up on something like this. 


If you have a problem with it, then deal with it, as i stated in the conversation. Things that pissed me off, i say right to their faces, as to why i hate them and such. I do not expect people to agree with me or anything. These are my opinions and if you don't like it, you can talk about it, but I'm not going to change the fact that i said anything about it. 
 See that is another thing that makes me so angry. Is someone trying to shut me up on something like this, i will strike out at them as well. I have to be quiet on every little thing that is going on in the real world, so why should the Internet where i try to escape for a bit, and then you try to tell me to shut it, it's not going to happen at all. That is the main reason i come on the Internet. Is to get things off my chest and to actually talk and be who i am.  But anyways, enjoy the conversation and what i have to deal with almost on a daily basis. Enjoy and Until next time....

February 27, 2012

Conversations in Wire club about my lifestyle...


sp= some person

sp:so, he dominates you?
me:yes
me:yea, but its tedious at times lol
sp:really?
sp:because you have to be submissive?
me:well its not that. it just doesnt turn off. im 24/7 slave. So i have to do it all the time, and it drains you like anything else. and sometimes you cant please them in anyway.. so it gets frustrating and such
me:but i love the challenge it brings and such
sp:yeah, i bet it is super challenging
me:it is
sp:so, you just do whatever he says 24/7... whether it is sexual or or just being subservant?
me:yes, but mostly it is subservant
sp:do you get off on it
me:i dont get horny off of it and such
me:but i do love pleasing Him
sp:so you just let him do whatever he wants?
me:yes, but im not a mindless drone. I have my own mind. lol. And what He does is in O/our limits, so He does what He wants with that
me:But, i can be feisty and say no, and get into trouble. Just who i am lol
sp:so, does he do stuff with other women too?
me: no He doesnt
me:just me
sp:but, you only please him right?
me:yes
me:i get rewards
me:a bit different for me lol
me:its not a one sided pleasing thing
sp:oh ok
sp:how do you get pleased?
me:well it depends on the level of how good ive been. It could be pleasure, sexually.. but mostly it is, gettnig my favorite book, or favorite movie, and watch it with Daddy, or getting a massage from Him
me:and etc
sp:oh, that's nice
me:yea,i love it
sp:how does he please you sexually?
me:um, found out i like my eyes to be messed with.. that or um fingering and such
sp:oh ok...
sp:you prefer fingering over fucking?
me:sorta. It really doesnt matter to me
sp:it doesn't?
me:no, i dont really get into sex lol
sp:doesn't one feel better than the other?
me:um not really lol
sp:haha, ok
sp:yea lol
sp:i guess i couldn't understand that as a man
me:well im a weid person
sp:well, that's ok
sp:do you let him do all kinds of stuff to you?
sp:does he hurt you when he does stuff
me:well define kinds of stuff, and no, He doesnt hurt me on purpose, like abuse. But W/we are sadomasochism..
sp:oh ok
sp:so, do you like to share information about that stuff? or do you get tired of answering questions?
me:no, i like it. I have my own blog on it. and such
sp:oh ok
sp:so, does it ever turn you on when he buttfucks you and then shoves it in your mouth to cum?
me:well dont do that. But, i do like both, just not at the same time
sp:if he did it, you would let him though right?
me:no
sp:oh, you have some control over what he does?
me:i would speak up to that
me:yes
me:the slave is in control
me:no matter what
sp:oh ok, that is good
sp:so, there are boundaries
me:yes
me:there are soft limits and hard limits
sp:good
sp:so, you can't be hurt
me:no
me:there is a safe word, but with me a nod or i say no, and it stops
sp:good
me:This whole thing is consent
sp:that's great
me:yes
sp:so, was it his idea or yours to get into the lifestyle?
me:well, ive been in it since i was a child. I was trained in it, by family. To be both Domme and slave.. and over the years after meeting Daddy, that i am a slave. And it has always meshed with my personality, and who i am
me:so it wasnt really forced upon me. It's just who i am
sp:so, your entire family lives the lifestyle?
sp: and you were raised to eventually be submissive to a man?
sp:Does it embarrass you to wear your collars out in public?
sp:Do you wear your collars all the time?

Had a conversation on wire club a while back with some people who wanted to know more about the lifestyle, so this conversation is a bit of that. With this, it wasn't too bad til almost the end of the conversation. Talking about fucking me in the ass and then sucking Him is just nasty as hell. The only reason why i posted that part was because i wanted to show a bit of what my morals and boundaries are. 


I don't mind talking about my lifestyle but i cant get really deep into it, because that is one rule that i have to keep always and of course, i don't like really talking about my personal life with anyone but Daddy. But at the end, i didn't get to answer those questions and will answer them right now.
 So my entire family lives the lifestyle? no they do not. But also you have to know they are hypocrites and think they are not, but they do things that go with the lifestyle. 


And i was eventually raised to be submissive to a man? Not really. I mean mostly my mother wanted me to be a Domme, like her, and why most of the abuse came from. But, no, i did this on my own accord. This has always been a part of me, and it was never brought or raised in me. It's just part of my nature. I have always acquired that and that is what i go with. 


Does it embarrass me to wear my collars in public? In the beginning it did for just a bit. But after a while i got used to it and i wear them with pride. I love wearing my collars out in public, and at first i didn't like the looks i got, but now i think it is funny now. 


Do you wear your collars all the time? Yes, i do wear them all the time. If I'm not wearing a collar collar, then I'm wearing one of my slave bracelets or rings or so. I have a lot of things that go with me being owned. 


With this, enjoy the conversation and of what people perceive of my lifestyle. Enjoy and Until next time...

Wire club conversation about my lifestyle........




Ken: wait.....so How long has he been your "daddy" ash?
me:Um, four years now
me:known Him for five lol
Ken: I really dont get it ALL but I know its not all about sex right?
me:right
Ken:But do you still have sex with him...I mean you are his slave right?
me:its power exchange
me:yes, im His slave.. and sometimes W/we do that
Ken:ok is it not odd to call a man Daddy and then sleep with him?
me:for me, no. It is in the lifestyle and what not
Ken:But you call him Daddy why?
me:i truly dont think He is my daddy, but my Daddy Dom
me:because He does act like a father to me, and etc
me:W/we are in pain as well. Sadomasochism
Ken:ok but if he acts like your father then he is in a father role for you right in your mind
me:yes, in mind. He is like a father, but also a Daddy Dom
me:i dont think of it, as truly a father father
me:if that makes sense
Ken:you think of him as your father (as in father figure) but yet you sleep with him
me:yes, but He is also my fiancee, so you dont think in that way as well
me:lol, you really cant, unless you are truly in the lifestyle and such
Cereal:What got you into this life style Ash
xem:What pain do you like ?
me: hm, i dont know, it gives me balance, in life and also it is a badge of courage for Daddy
Cereal:Why is your Daddy living in Montana and you living in Tennessee?
Cereal:internet pain?
me:no
me:I live with Him now
me:for some reason wire didnt want to put where i was at
me:but i was originally from TN
Cereal:lol oh okay.
me:and Him in Cali
hawk:meet me in montana. is that what he sings to u??
me:lol, no. First thing He sung to me, was one of my favorite disney songs, Kiss the girl, to put me to sleep
me:Lthat is a special song for the both of U/us
hawk:lol
hawk:some folgies in here dont like the subject tho ck
me:lol, so true. They need to speak up though
me:maybe and try to understand it
hawk:maybe it hurts them or somthing talking about it. I'm not sure tho. i'm just guessing
me:i dont know
me:They need to speak up though
hawk:abuse is big problem now adays u know? i know in your case it isn't but still
me:whoever feels uncomfortable with this subject
me:i know
me:I was in abuse
me:all my life
me:so i know the difference is. And that is what most people in the lifstyle need to understand
me:where that line is at
hawk:well for some it might feel like abuse so they likely wudnt like the subject I'm guessing
me:i know, but they need to know the difference
Cereal:Does he actually hit you?
me:This lifestyle is consent on all parties, that being said, not all do consent, and most are not real in the lifestyle
me:Yes, as in spankings and whippings yes
me:but when i can not bear it anymore
me:i say stop and HE does
me:and He takes care of me
me:that is not abuse
me:I do not like the term hitting, because it is on the abuse line. And most think of it like that
pixie:ohh wait a min.... some 1 spanks whoops u and u say its not abuse? HELL IT IS !!!
me:no its not
me:I consent to it
me:and when i say stop
me:He stops
me:in abuse
me:you do not have a say so
me:you do not tell the person to stop
me:and they stop
me:that is where people do not understand it
me:And plus
me:if it is abuse, the abuser would not take care of the person
me:who was being hit
me:so in all lines, it is not abuse
pixie:an abuser des so take care of the person.. they dont want to be caught !!!
me:no
me:they do not take care of them
me:I was in an abusive home
me:for 20 years
pixie:how far does a person go b4 u say it abuse????
hawk:i see what pixie means
me:my family would hurt me so bad
me:they wouldnt care at all
me:The only thing they held on me
me:was money
hawk:and thats y i said what i said earlier
me:so that isnt taking care of that person
me:shakes head
pixie:night.. wat wld u say WAS abusive then??
Ken:um it would be safer to talk about stuff like this in pvt please
me:pixie, i can not or will not talk about it in here now
me:yup, i will do that
Ken:ty Ash
me:yw
fox:ash pls stop
me:hey
me:i am stopping
fox:ty
me:get on to pixie
me:not me doing this
pixie:oi. i doing nowt.. i asked a question..
me:nope, i will not talk about it in here
fox:u can ask the question on the wall
me:if you want, pm
me:other than that, enough on that

Okay a while back i was having a conversation with some people in wire club. It was going pretty good until pixie came along and just ruined it. I wanted to show this because you get to see how people are. And i think the other people, did not understand nor wanted to accept my lifestyle at all and that is okay. But what i do not like is just sitting there, saying i understand when you don't. 


But with that the one person just had to ruin it all. You get to see how people really are on my lifestyle. It's like they think they know everything about this lifestyle or they think they know what the signs of abuse are or what abuse is, when they truly do not know at all. 


With at the end, i gave in because i know the tension was getting really bad in there and i told that person if they wanted to keep going to go into pm and of course didn't. Just wanted to make a raucous in the room. And what made me mad at the end, is they were all getting onto me but i was the one that stopped, and not the other person, and i told them that. Of course they shut up when they know damn well i was right in this area. 


But it makes me upset that people will not want to understand this lifestyle completely and it upsets me and makes me upset at the same time. Well enjoy the conversation that went on and see what i go through each and every day. Until next time.....


More questions of my lifestyle....,


1.Why do i like pain?
Hm this has been asked a few times from a lot of different people. I really don't know why i love or like pain. The only answer that comes to mind, is that i have been use to it since i was a child. And i guess i got use to it, and now i love it a lot. It's the only reason that comes up for me. But it could be, that it is just my nature as well.
 You see, i love to see my bruises and cuts and feel a sorta pride for it, and i really don't know why. Maybe it's because Daddy gave them to me, and i feel that it's His way of showing He loves me. Now that doesn't mean He abuses me, since W/we are both Sadomasochism... That is a whole different question on it's own. But with that, it's the only answer i can give.

2.How can you look and think Daddy/fiancee is your Daddy and not your real father?
Well, i had a friend ask me this question. I guess the reason being is because i know He is not my real father, but a father figure though. He is everything i want in a father, but i know He is not my father. It's a very hard question to answer, as my logic is a bit different than others. And people wont really understand this answer as to the reason above. They are not in the lifestyle and know the logic of what i live each day.

3.Why are people ignorant in the lifestyle?
The reason being is because people do not want to accept every one's lifestyle choices. Also people want to be ignorant and only live their lives without knowing the lifestyle, or just go and do their own lifestyle. People will always be like this, and you really cant change them at all. Another reason is that people already have their logic and reasoning on things, and their opinions cant be changed or swayed at all. Just how it is.

4.Whats different from lifestylers to "weekend warriors"?
Okay the difference between the two is this. Lifestyler's will be in the lifestyle, as in they do it each and every day, and change around it. While weekend warriors will only do it once or twice a week, and will not do it as a way of life. They are just in it for the kink value and that is the sole reason to that.

5.If you are being hit then its abuse? 
Well see that is different. For one this question is sorta vague in itself. Anyone can call it abuse, but it depends on the reason for being "hit". Like for an example, me and Daddy do the sadomasochism all the time. I get whippings and such each time, i do something wrong. That is not abuse though. As to when i can not take enough of it, i will say stop or maybe a word that will stop it. And He will stop it and take care of me. Now that is not abuse at all.
 See abuse is different than this. As when the abuser starts hitting they do not stop when you say to stop and etc. They will do that on their own accord and sometimes they will never stop. Plus on top of that, when they are done hitting you, they don't care about you at all. They will just do their own thing and will not take care of you or your wounds.

That is what people do not understand at all. Yes, this lifestyle hits those borders a lot, but that does not mean it is abuse. Yes, i know there are a lot of people in the lifestyle who are abusive and will not stop at all, but not all of U/us are like that. No matter what you do, or what lifestyle you are in, abuse can happen no matter what. I think it happens a bit more in a "vanilla" lifestyle than the BDSM one, but now, i see that i think it is half and half. Yet, no one really want to accept that knowledge at all.

There are signs to look for either in the lifestyle or not, if someone is being abused. And i have written on that quite a bit, as to try and show people that what me and Daddy do, is not abuse at all. It is to open their minds a bit more and understand what W/we do. But with the signs, read the other posts that i have posted on this...

6.How can you say its not abuse when you are being hit and such?
Just as the above, because the slave/sub has the power to say when they can not take anymore of it, and the Master or Mistress stops. And also that they take care of them afterwards. As in taking care of the wounds, or it can be, just hugging them, or cuddling and watching one of their favorite shows to calm them down. Abusers do not do this at all.

7.Do you have to ask permission on a lot of things?
Yes.
If so, why?
Because that is part of the power exchange, but also it is what the Dom or Domme wants for His or Her slave. It is just part of what each person wants in this lifestyle and etc.

8.Do you think all women should be a slave or the woman of the house?
This is half and half for me.
if so why?
Well i do not think all women should be slaves in the lifestyle. The reason being is this, can everyone have green eyes? No, so it is the same thing. Not everyone is cut out for this lifestyle and should not be in it at all. I do think though is that women should be who they are. If that is being a Domme, then fine, if they are a slave, then fine, but only if it is in their nature. But if they are neither one, it will never work at all for them. As it will be forced and etc.

9.Do you think it is your role to be a slave or woman of the house?
for me it is to be a slave.
if so why?
The reason for that, is it is my nature to be the slave. It has always been who i am and i can not change that nor do i want to. I also think this is my "destiny" that God wanted me to have and i like it a lot.

10.What things can i not cross?
Mostly the big major rules that i have. As in, no cybering at all, with anyone in the lifestyle or not. No giving out my pictures, but this could be sorta broken or taken a bit lightly as Daddy does let some people to see, no saying Yes Sir or Madam to other people in the lifestyle. As it may show that i respect them more so than Daddy. I can not say that i am not His slave to simple things in the lifestyle. And etc.

11.Why no real pictures of me?
Well as you can see i get this question a lot. But I'm not sure if i explained why i can not have them up and etc. Let's see, about two years ago, me and Daddy were talking to a slave and her Master online. W/we gave O/our pics out, because W/we thought they were normal. After giving them out, the dude said he was going to come here, kill my Daddy and take me away. After that He set this rule in and i really don't mind it at all. Another reason is this, people can figure out where you live just by your pictures and what info you give out. On top of that, people steal pictures and use them for weird things. Those are a few reasons why i don't give pics or put them up.

12.What things can or am i allowed to do?
I can talk to anyone i want, with my rules in tact. With chit chatting it is fine. I can talk about the lifestyle, but nothing really really personal. I can play games with people, as in like poetry stuff and etc. But that is just only on online. Real life may be a bit different.

13.what i have to ask for permission with?
Mostly everything. If I'm tired and He isn't, i have to ask if i can go to bed. When to masturbate, when to take a bath and a few more things...

A few more questions about my lifestyle....


1.How to be happy in the lifestyle?

2.Do you know what total power exchange is?

3.Are you a child? Then why does your Daddy washes you, when you take baths?

4.Are you a sadistic in the lifestyle?

5.Love is pain?



How to be happy in the lifestyle... hm it's not that hard really. If your nature is in the lifestyle, and you have the right person to do the power exchange with, then you can be happy whenever you do this. To be happy, is to share things, to communicate well and you really need a lot more trust than you have in a vanilla relationship. If you have someone that is truly right for you, you can be happy no matter what.

Do you know what total power exchange is? I think i do know what it is. I do not do the total power exchange, but in some aspects i do. As in, you give yourself completely in the lifestyle. As in being you are a slave or sub in the bedroom, and in regular day stuff. I am a 24/7 slave but i do not do anything in the bedroom really. I do everything else. So, as you can see W/we do not do the total power exchange.

Am i a child? No, I'm not a child at all, but i do have child like qualities that will never go away. That is one reason why i am a Daughter/slave/fiancee to my Daddy/fiancee. But also i like being my child self, but i can be serious and take action when i need to. That is one reason why W/we do the Daddy/daughter thing.
 Then why does your Daddy washes you, when you take baths? That is simple really, as i am His daughter, there are things to do with that. And that is one of them. If you think about it, if your daughter was young, you would wash her, right? Well that is why He does that with me. But, also it is a reward for me as well. It gives me comfort and security when He does that.
 You see there are a lot of reasons why W/we do the things W/we do. It's just not for show or such, W/we do this each and every day. As this lifestyle is twenty four-seven, W/we do not have any breaks and such.

Am i sadistic in the lifestyle? I would say completely, no. I'm not a sadist at all. But, i do have times where W/we do switch and i do have a tendency of doing that. But that does not mean I'm a sadist all the time. I am the masochist and always will be.

Love is pain? Hm on one level it is, but then another level it is not. Let me see if i can explain this correctly. Being a masochist on one level it is love. You taking the pain for you Master or Mistress is a sign of love in it's own way. It is bearing the punishment or so for them. So it shows that you love them and they love you. Then on another level it isn't. It just shows you how much you can take the pain, and not really a love thing at all. Plus if your Master or Mistress does it just for fun, then how is that love at all? You see, there are many levels to this and it gets complicated more and more, as you try and get into the person's mind, who is in this lifestyle.

I hope you enjoy my questions that i have tried to answer completely and honestly. Enjoy and Until next time....

February 22, 2012

People who are not grateful at all......


Sword:hi ash
me:hey there
Sword:soon i gonna sent beggar to you too
Sword:
me:lol
me:why are you taking that so hard?
Sword:its ok right?
me:shessh it's just a badge
Sword:my friend told to sent the same to you LOL
Sword:dont worry
me:so it's not going to hurt me at all
Sword:me too
me:im not petty enough to cry over a dumb badge
Sword:he told i dont deserve it
me:lol yes you do
Sword:well?
Sword:how many times you see me beg?
Sword:i always i help people
Sword:everyone on wire know
Sword:even the mods
me:all the time. what about when you wanted credits for bingo?
me:hm
Sword:yes
Sword:i put on my blog
Sword:but just to put
me:see that is begging
Sword:well
Sword:i dont deny
Sword:i asked for some cards on bingo
Sword:but no one NEVER CALLED ME A BEGGAR
Sword:i saw people gtting beggar badges (but on bingo only)
me:well now someone can say it. you do beg for it.
me:if you were not hooked so badly then you wouldnt be putting up a lot of bingo stuff
me:hbut anyways
Sword:lol
Sword:still
Sword:even if you was a beggar...i dont give that badge to you
Sword:i prefer give "pizza" or other
me:it doesnt matter what the fuck the badge is
me:it's just a damn badge
me:get over it
me:shessh
Sword:really?
Sword:how about otherS?
Sword:not...
me:there just badges
me:yes
Sword:people going tell im a beggar
Sword:and im not
me:and you are still going on about it, just seems petty to me
me:you know who you are
me:get over it
me:shessh
me:i've been called worse than that in my life
me:and you dont see me crying about
me:it
Sword:yes
Sword:but why beggar badge?
Sword:dont have other?
Sword:have other with the same price ash
Sword:you can give pizza...or fix it
me:so, i just picked one
Sword:its the same PRICE
Sword:ok...
me:if i could i would take back the badge
Sword:i will pick one later
me:you are not grateful for anything you get
Sword:especially for you
Sword:im grateful
me:no you are not
Sword:but badges have ups and downs...
me:you cry about every little thing
me:i did it out of the kindness of my heart, and you cry about it
me:no they dont
Sword:a friend....deleteed her id because a badge
me:they are just a stupid badge
sword:ash,,,,
Sword:how many credits ya have?
Sword:500?
me:why does that even matter?
Sword:lol
Sword:just tell me
me;no
Sword:i want see something
me:im not telling you anything
me:no
Sword:ok
me:you will just be curious as hell
Sword:i dont want it
me:i dont give a fuck. you dont need to know what i have
me:it's none of your business
Sword:ok...
Sword:sorry
me:you are not sorry
me:i dont take apologies that people dont have a slightest feelings for and etc

Okay before i get started on this rant, i would like to give a background of what is going on here. Shall we begin? Okay, well on wire club, you have credits and what not. Credits are used to play bingo, or other games they have, or to give drinks, badges and super powers. So, with that, it takes money, if you cant get free credits from bingo.


A couple of days before this conversation ever happened, the guy above, demanded some of my credits, as he thought he was owed some. I told him no, a friend of mine, gave me some bingo cards to play with him in that room. I won about three to four times, and i wanted to thank him for it. So i gave him a badge and some cards, to say hey thank you. He didn't have to do that, really. And the guy above got so jealous. Saying, why does he get a badge and such? And i told him, it's because he gave me cards, when he didn't have to. And the guy went on to saying, can you please give me cards. And did that for a while. To the point i just gave him a few to shut his ass up. From there, he wasn't grateful for them at all. Because he asked, well how many did you give me. If you were grateful, you wouldn't asked how many you got. You would simply take them and say thanks.


So, after that, i had quite a bit of credits. And from there, i thought well i would give him a badge, because i wanted to be nice. Sure, a bit of me, who was playing, said well let's give him the beggar badge, because i thought it would be funny and thought he would just laugh it off. I mean sure a part of him was begging, but for me, it was just a jest. I had no evil intentions behind it. I was merely joking around, as friends do. 


But, he took it so serious and low and behold this conversation happened. The day i gave him the badge, he is like, seriously you give me this badge, and not creative. I told him, just be grateful/thankful you got a damn badge. I mean bloody hell, i gave it out of the goodness of my heart. So, i just ignored it til yesterday, when this conversation went on. 


When i entered the room, the first thing after he says hi to me, is that he is going to give me the beggar badge. He was doing it in spite of me. While i did it with jest. I hate when people get mad and then want revenge for no reason at all. I did laugh at it, because it was funny and sad at the same time. And i told him, it wont hurt my feelings at all. Which it wont. I would be grateful i got a badge, but i would also be a bit upset as to his intentions behind it. I do not like evil intentions behind things. Especially if you are giving me something out of spite. 


And on top of that, he complained to one of his friends. He couldn't come to me, and talk about it? I hate when people do that. I always state, if you have a problem with me, come to me and talk about it. But do not go to someone else and talk about me behind my back. I do not do that to anyone, so why should you do it to me? And then his friend tells him to do something, is he a fucking clone or what? Can he not figure things out on his own? Just makes you wonder. 


So with that, got into a huge fight about this. I told him this is a petty thing. And on top of that, i told him he is not grateful at all. He complains about everything. Everyday he complains about someone not being good to him, and he keeps bringing up, and he did as well in the chat room as well, that he always helps people, but the thing is with that, he wants something out of it. And i have told him over and over that he has intentions and wants to gain something from it. And when he doesn't get anything, like he is owed it, he gets all upset and such. So, how is that being grateful at all? 


I even told him, that he is just whining for no damn reason at all. I mean come on, i told him, myself that I've been called worse names in my life, and i have. You don't see me whining about it and going on and on about it. Now do you? No, i take it, and from there i deal with it. Don't whine so much. I think that is my biggest thing with him. Is that he wouldn't of gotten under my skin, if he didn't whine so much. And i let a lot of things slid by for the few months or so we have been friends again. Oh yes, did i forget to mention, he did this to me before hand. And a day afterwards he wanted to add me and act like nothing happened. So, when he finally shut his mouth up, i wanted to see what was going on. I see that he deletes me and i said, good. But i posted on his wall saying to leave me alone. Don't try to add me at all and leave it at that. I haven't heard from him now which is a good sign. 


But at the end, he wanted to know how many credits i had left. It was no relevance of what we were talking about. He just wanted to know what i had so he could use it against me. I knew where it was going. You know, I'm not dumb at all. I've been through this shit a thousand times. I know when someone wants information and use it against me. And it wont work. Seriously, it is none of his business what i have. The only reason i got credits is because of two friends who were very kind to me, to give me bingo cards. That is none of his business though.


But with that, i think the reason he got under my skin so much, is that i let a lot of his whining slide. I never do it with anyone else, but i thought he was a friend. Or at least somewhat of a friend. So i let a few things slide. And then on top of that, i gave a badge out of the goodness of my heart, because i felt like giving a badge. It didn't have to be blown out of proportion all because someone thinks badges have ups and downs. That is just silly. But, yea, those are two of the things that truly bugged me. And it never fails. When i try to be good, i mean really good, i always get this kind of treatment. It never fails. And when that happens, i feel like not being good at all, because it really sucks, when people just bitch slaps you with the very kind deed you have done for them. 


But with that, i didn't have a good night at all. I had bad dreams, all because these feelings didn't get resolved,(which i thought they did). Gotta love people doing shit to you. Well anyways, enjoy. Until next time....






February 20, 2012

People who needs to wake up.....


*This is not what i agree with. I am merely putting this up to show you how wrong this is.*

me: hm, so you are saying that God wants her to stay in an abusive home? That doesnt make sense at all.

me: and since you probably will not reply back, i will just go off then. This pisses me off a lot. For two reasons really. One, i was abused by all three ways, physical, mental and sexual. And the next thing is that im a christian. And when you said that God planned her to be abused, that is bullshit. God never plans things like that at all. It is human beings, who have free will that does this. So where the fuck do you come off in saying that God does this? That really makes me upset, on those two levels. I will say this, you are coming off my list, as i see that you are saying in other posts basically mocking God, i will not tolerate that at all. And for you to put things up like this, is not right at all. I hope one day you realize what you have done and will repent to God for saying He has done this. And with this, adios.

Okay so i was browsing face book when i saw this picture up. I instantly got pissed. And with that i asked Daddy, His opinion of it, and wanted to see if He thought the same thing as i did. If you read this, it says that God planned for this woman to be abused. 

This is not right in every aspect. Sure, i have a personal thing against it, but also, anyone would get mad at this. God does not plan for anyone to be hurt. As i posted to this dude above, it is human beings who have free will, that does this. Because that is what God gave us. Free will, that doesn't mean every little thing that goes on in our life is God's doings. 

So, i had to write back. Yes, i was abused in all three ways, and never once did i blame God for it. At times i would ask why God would let it happen, but i know why. It is free will, and we have to handle things, and that everything on Earth is not going to be good. You have to deal with it and God will help guide you and help you out. NO where does it states that God plans this crap. 

It really makes me mad that this dude posted this. And from there he had posted something else, saying that atheists are better than God and anyone else because they are human beings who do right and etc. That in my mind is mocking God.

I will not talk to anyone or have anyone on any of my sites who will mock God. I will never tolerate it. With that, this guy has no thoughts of consequences of his actions. I for one, pity this guy, and i do hope that one day, he will open his eyes and see what he is doing. With that, i needed to get that off my chest. And before i go, i do want to state one more time, i do not encourage this at all. I wanted to post this and get my thoughts off my chest. Until next time.....

February 18, 2012

People who are so blinded.....


bob:slave??...oh sorry..hello
bob:what's your story
me:as in?
bob:as in...'what's your story??...I can't be more direct
me:im not sure what you are talking about
bob:I'm sorry, let me rephrase...why are you here
me:oh well it states it clearly in my profile
bob:I'm sorry i didn't take the time to look
me:it's okay
bob:oh thanks
bob:go on then
me:well it's simple really. only time i will say this. I'm not here for cybering, im not here for dating, so it leaves one thing.. try and make friends
bob:aaah
me:yea
bob:do you have trouble making friends on the outside world?...just asking
me:i'm anti social
bob:in wat way
me:in every way. I hate people so to speak. Most are idiots, i dont like them being in my space and etc
bob:im liking you
me:lol how so
bob:one sec...how old are you?
me:i'm 23, why
bob:its important
me:how so?
bob:stage of life and that
me:in what way?
bob:well...its relative to experience aswell i suppose
me;hm i guess. but i also think it is how you perceive life
me:and if you have wisdom or not
bob:well of course wisdom is everything...where do you get yours from?
me:mine, hm i guess from God
bob:who is your God?
me:but also, asking questions, observing and etc
me:there is only one God
me:so there is not who is my God
bob:which one?
me:just get off of it
bob:aaaah
me:no ahh, i dont like debates and such
bob:why not
me:because for the most part they are pointless, and from there it makes these pointless fights and so forth
me:one of a few reasons why i stay away from that
bob:not if you know what you're talking about
me:that is not it
me:it is just pointless to get into them
me:plus with other things
me:i just stay away from them
bob:ok ok....well...i'm liking talking to you wee woman...so let you pick the subject
me:lol i dont really pick topics. you pick
bob:art? music? science?
bob:right then..lets do this....apples or oranges?
me:both
bob:no no...you must pick
me:lol see i cant just do that. not on something that are both good
bob:tuff...you must
me:lol i cant
me:even if i wanted to, i cant. goes against my rules lol
bob:mash potatoes or roast?
me:neither
bob:fucking hell...you are hard work
me:lol i never said i was an easy person to talk to and such
bob:what do you do?
me:work wise, looking
bob:yes yes, but in what??
me:now, anything that is stable
bob:you're either working for the CIA or you're embarrassed
bob:eegit
bob:hehehe
me:and how did you get to that notion?
bob:I...my wee woman am very perceptive
bob:oooo fuck...or a drug addict
me:well im sorry you are wrong in this area
bob:oh?
me:mhm
me:i love how you assume so much stuff.
bob:assume?? i love how you assume that
me:well after i told you, im just looking for work, you go on a rampage of saying im this and that. that is me:assuming things of who i am and such
bob:meh...get over it..i'm just testing the water
me:lol i was over it a long time ago. what i dont get is why you want to pick a fight for no reason at all
bob:nope
bob:woman, no fight here..and this always makes me smile..people feel challenged by the littlest things..it bob:always gets me in trouble...but...shouldn't i challenge you as much as the hot / cold bath i put my toe
me:for one dont call me woman. you can call me Ashpea or nymph, only people who get to call me that is Daddy/fiancee.eh
bob:noted
bob:its a thing here of endearment
me:?
bob:woman
me:well, the only reason i brought it up, is because you are hitting some boundaries to my lifestyle and such.
bob:apologies...I'm sorry
me:it's okay
bob:hehe...look at your daily life
me:lol what about it
bob:to see the questions
me:lol none would fit to you
bob:try me
me:lol fine
me:bdsm or vanilla
bob:vanilla
me:power exchange or equal
bob:wow wow wow
me:what lol
bob:go easy
me:well you said look into my daily life
me:well i am 
bob:yes well..i am not versed in your daily life...clearly
me:i told you that
bob:should i send help to rescue you??
me:why?
bob:cult?!!!!!
me:what?
me:what are you going on about?
bob:shuush
me:sorry i dont take orders from anyone but Daddy/fiancee
bob:um
me:what
bob:i don't know what to say to that
me:lol
bob:you winding me???
bob:you are caught in a family thing...have to marry this guy?
me:i'm not sure what you are talking about. I am on a few good terms with my family, and i dont do what my family wants
bob:so what does 'daddy/fiancee mean?
me:well as my id states and even in my profile and what i have been throwing out here, im in the BDSM lifestyle. me:I am engaged and owned by my fiancee. Daddy is what i call Him, and who He is to me, my Daddy Dom
bob:no offense..but that is crazy
me:for most people who dont know the lifestyle and such will say that
bob:can you explain it to me?
me:well, for one BDSM is Bondage,Discipline,Sadistic and Masochism.. in those terms all combined is power me:exchange. From there, it branches off a lot
me:but with it, there is a huge bond with the Master and such. Growing and etc
bob:oh sweetheart
bob:you know this isn't right
me:in what way?
bob:every way
me:name them
bob:i don't need to
me:shakes head. go ahead and think what society already states of this lifestyle. for you it can be wrong, for me it is right 
bob:hey...fuck off...give me a little respect
me:lol, me... hm i should be the one insulted for you saying it's wrong about my lifestyle, yet im not. It is who is upset
me:funny
me:and on top of that, what right do you earn to get respect from me?
bob:what are your options?
me:options to what?
bob:to get out
me:i dont want out lol
bob:im so intruiged...what do you get from it
me:power exchange, a very huge bond, love, care, punishment,growth,knowledge, being me
me:etc etc
bob:you...my dear are being fooled...and you can't admit it
bob:emptyness??
me:hm, think what you want. i really dont care. you need to stop assuming so much though
bob:before i go...answer me this
bob:feel something missing?
bob:be honest
me:lol and why do you even think that. It's the first thing that comes to mind for you, why?
bob:STOP YOURSELF ...and answer me again
me:no, i will not
me:you are already hitting a rule
me:before i go... you need to stop assuming so much. Admit that you dont know some things, maybe open up your me:mind before you try and tell someone what is right or wrong for them
me:now good bye
bob:well, would you mind if we stay in touch?...it's important to me
me:and why is that?
bob:because
bob:all of the above
me:what do you mean?
bob:theres a reason we're talking
me:in what way
bob:i don't know...but..i have to trust it...and i know you know it too
me:not really
bob:stubbourn...yawn
me:lol i can be. i just dont believe in, there is a reason you talk to everyone and such
bob:well ....taaadddaaaaahhhhhhhh
me:lol what's with that?
bob:just...here we are...deal with it
me:lol to funny. so what is the big mystery of us talking?
bob:well if it's a mystery?? how would i know??
bob:but
bob:I'm here...just feel somthing...and i must trust it...i always have
me:ok
bob:aah you're chatting...ok...take care x
bob:forget everything
me:yup
me:good bye
bob:enjoy slavery
me:lol i do
me:enjoy whatever life you have
bob:a rich one
me:okay
me:bye

With this i will go into depth with this conversation i had a while back. For one, this guy is a teenager and was trying to pick a fight and thought he could get it with me. But of course, it doesn't work that well with me, as i know people a little too much, and know how or what they want.

So let's begin this, shall we. In the beginning i could already see he was going to be an asshole, but i let it slide because i was sorta having an interesting conversation for once. The first thing i hate, is when someone says, what's your story, or why are you here. If you read profiles it will tell you why someone is here. There is a reason for it, but i let it slide just once. And i tell him of course.

From there, before he went on, he wanted to know my age. Like it was something so important. And we got into it a bit there. Saying that you do need wisdom and such, and asked where i got mine. Well, like i said i think God gave me, mine. And this is where i start to loose respect for his ass. He asks me what God, or who's my God.

I don't play to well with that at all, and i told him to drop it. Because i knew where he was trying to take it and i do not do debates. As it gets into pointless arguments and from there, just doesn't go to well. I see way to many of them. And i thought he was trying to mock God in a way, like a feeling of a sort. He tried baiting me into getting into a debate on God. Just told him to drop it. And finally he did.

From there, he wanted me to pick a subject. Sorry, but i don't take orders from anyone but my Daddy. And from there i got pretty quite on his ass. From there i made up my mind, i wasn't going to play nice with him at all. And from there, you can see.

After being quiet, he finally talks. Seeing what i liked, i would guess. And after a bit, he tries to demand me to listen to him. Told him a second time, i will not do that. And from there, saying i was hard to talk to. Well duh, i never said i was going to be easy to talk to. He knew damn well i am anti social, and with that, who the hell is going to be easy to talk to? Seriously, did he think i was lying about it or what. I just laugh at him and told him, what i put. And from there, he goes for a bit.

From there, he asks what i do for work. So i told him the truth and from there, he just starts assuming a lot of stuff. That is one thing i really hate people doing. Is assuming I'm something, when I'm not. So i told him that, and he just like just get over it. I wasn't the one assuming things. I think it is funny that when people talk to me, they really refer to themselves instead of me.

He kept calling me woman and i really hate it. It shows disrespect for one,shows that you are an egotistical pig, and also, it sorta had a domineering tone to it. Which i don't do well at all. So i told him to stop calling me woman. And he was being stupid and asked why. So i gave him the answer, which started up a whole bunch of crap.

Wait wait, got to back up a bit. He wanted me to do some stupid question things to him and to put my daily life into it. So i did. And hello, BDSM is my daily life and i told him, my daily life is different and you are not going to understand it. So he is like, just do it, so i said fine. I only did two, when he started whining a bit. I couldn't help but laugh at his ass. I told him, my life is different and he had nothing to really say to that.

And from there that is where my lifestyle pops into play. Because i put Daddy/fiancee a lot. As it is my nature and to give Him respect that is what i do. I say it in real life as well. And from there, he just puts me down, saying I'm being fooled and etc.

What makes me perk up though, is he says it is bad in every way, but he is intrigued by it. Does that make sense to anyone else? Because surely, how can it be bad if you are intrigued by it? But i started getting into it, because i hate people telling what i should do and not do. They are not living my life, so what concern is it to them?

At the end of this conversation, he wanted to keep in touch. And the first thing i think of, is to just degrade me and say my lifestyle is just plain wrong. I do not let people in my life, who will just do this all the time. I am not my old self anymore and i have vowed that i will be different and etc. So, i just sorta ignore him on that matter. And from there he goes and says that there is a reason he is talking to me. And the thing i think of, is yea, to try and get me out of my lifestyle. Which i know full well what i am doing.

I mean hell, my family knows I'm in the lifestyle, but they don't tell me it is wrong or right, all they care about is that i am happy and being safe. Even if they don't understand it completely, they still let me do what i want. But with this, i wanted to show, how people truly are. I mean most teenagers are like this. They think everything they do is right and that the society is right as well. So that my lifestyle and what not is so wrong, yet most of them are into it. Just funny how people talk out of both sides of their mouth. But anyways, enjoy. Until next time...

People trying to guilt me....


sp=stupid person

sp:whats up
me:hey, just chatting
me:and you?
sp:just realy bore
sp:bored
me:oh
sp:u have yahoo or skype?
me:i have yahoo, but i do not cam
sp:ok y?
sp:u shy?
me:because it goes against my rules
sp:o u haev rules?
me:yes, as my id states im in the BDSM lifestyle, there are rules
sp:o
sp:i got it
me:yea
sp:to bad i love to do what ever u wish me to do on cam
sp:if u want
me:lol i can do whatever i want. love how you are trying to rub it in my face though. nice try but it doesnt work that way.
me:and glad i dont
me:because i dont do what other people want

I don't get why a lot of people are trying to rub things in my face and try to get some kind of guilt and make me do things. So with this pm, this guy rubs it in my face, that since i have rules, that i can not be free to do what i want. I just love how they assume that i am not free at all and that i cant do what i want. 


And then go to say, well i wish you could do things with me. I have stated so many times, I'm not here for anything but friendship, but of course people don't understand that. They think i can bend the rules and do what they want, when they try to guilt me and twist things. 


All it does, is make me more cold towards them. I do not have any feelings to people like this. As i told the guy, I'm glad that i have my rules because i still wouldn't do the shit with him. Funny how people only talk to you, when they want something and not talk to you for the hell of it. People always think they are entitled things and i will not give in to it. 


As i stated to Daddy, yesterday, i am becoming more and more anti social. When out with Him, i become more aggressive towards everyone and i don't like people being in my space. That is one thing that will make me bite your head off. I have my space, and you don't see me, going into yours. So stay out of mine. And i think i am becoming anti social even on the Internet. It is kinda sad to think like that, but what good does it come from? I have been trying my best to find good people out there but seems like there are none. Sigh. Until next time...

People thinking they are entitled to things....


bil:gy?
bil:or girl?
me:what do you think
me:can you talk a little bit more before adding
bil:well first of all
bil:you are from TN
bil:and I love the accent
me:well i dont have my accent anymore lol
me:never really had it in the first place
me:and i dont live there anymore
bil:serious?
me:yes
bil:well
bil:I bet you still have an accent
bil:after all I am from London
bil:so compared to me yea
me:maybe a northern one
bil:oh?
bil:I dont know
bil:where are you now?
bil:are you single?
me:no, engaged and owned
bil:oh
me:yea
bil:well ok
me:lol why the well
bil:because you sound nice
bil:I wanted to get to know you better
bil:seems pointless
me:can still be friends
bil:thought you were single
me:lol now why would i be single
me:and why do people always get so hm what's the word i looking for
me:i guess wanting things to be more than just friends
bil:yes
me:yea
bil:of course
bil:wanting to be more than friends
bil:I am not a nut
bil:a perv
bil:or anything
bil:friends?
me:? as i was stating when people hear i am engaged and owned, it's like oh and then leave. The only thing i am me:here for is friends. im not like most, who wants to be in a relationship, as i already have my soul mat
me:mate
bil:great
bil:if I had my soul mate
me:lol
bil:I would be talking with them
bil:and not waste time on here
me:well my Daddy is asleep
me:lol but of course people always assume that stuff
me:but think away

You gotta love people. Everyone on the Internet now a days, think they are owed things or they are looking for something. Like there has to be a gain to be on a site and etc. I really hate that about life. But with this conversation you can see what i mean by that. 


It was going somewhat okay, but one thing i don't like answering is obvious questions. You can hover over the id names and see what they are. Instead of asking, which in case i will give a snarky remark. With that, i hate evil intentions. 


I hate being paid compliments when i know what they want. As with this guy, it was to have a relationship and such. As with him asking if I'm engaged. It states that i am, which i did ask in a nice way, i guess. From there he gets all upset and such. 


This is where i get pissed. Where people think you have to gain something from being on a site or etc. Most people on wire club, are wanting to cyber, have a relationship or a fling. I am not there for that kind of stuff. As i put up a damn profile it states what i want, and that is friends. 


People cant read profiles as it seems. And with that, he gives me a remark like just friends or so. Well duh, i found my soul mate, i don't need to be looking for a relationship and i did ask, why does everyone think they are entitled to everything. And he gives a stupid answer. 


From there, i told him, i found my soul mate, and he states well if i found mine, i wouldn't be on here. Well good for you. There are reasons why i am on here. Like i said, i have trouble sleeping and Daddy sleeps pretty sound for the most part, so i stay up and be on the computer and like to chat to pass the time. 


I hate when people try to say, well if i had something i would do this, and try to rub it in my face. All it will do, is make me give you sarcastic stuff. But the reason i wanted to put this up, is to show you, how many people in one day, want something in return, and try to give petty compliments, as they think that all girls will fall for them. Anyways, enjoy. Until next time...

Perverts and their evil intentions....


wash:hey
me:hi
wash:your sexy
me:lol who's sexy?
wash:you
me:hm how so
me;mousy is waiting for an answer lol
wash:why
me:why what?
me:not going to take it, as to show you, i have no pics up, so how can i be sexy?
wash:why not
me:i am asking how the hell do you think i am sexy, as to when i have no pics up? hm
wash:do not no ok
me:so why spout lies?
me:i know the reason because you have some intention behind it. now do you
wash:why you fat till me
me:does it matter if im fat or not? I can see clearly what your intentions are and it is quite sad
me:now you will be booted for being a damn liar and such
me suspended washman45 from the room
wash Left the room
me:damn pervert

There was a lot of crazy people out there last night. This guy comes into the chat room and i say hi, to be nice. And he tells me I'm sexy. For one, i know for a fact that i do not have any pics up. So, when people say I'm sexy and etc, i have to ask why. 


I know people have intentions and especially when they know damn well i have no pics up. I gave this dude quite a bit of times to explain himself, but he would just get quiet and then say something else. I am not like all girls, and say thank you to that. I have to know the reason behind why you are telling me i am sexy. I hate empty compliments, i hate evil intentions and why i ask so many questions. 


As i told him, why he thought i was sexy as to me not having pics up, he just says, well i don't know. Then we know damn well what he wanted. To try and get into my pants and try to cyber me. Thinking that paying me a pretty compliment will do just that. Lol, he messed with the wrong girl. 


After i told him off a bit, he goes and tries to pull the weight shit. Trying to put it back on me, why i am fat. And i respond, how does my weight go with what he was saying. And also, why does it matter to him if I'm big or not? 


And like i told him, it was one thing, he had evil intentions behind it. I got fed up with it, and booted his ass. I do not like people having evil intentions. I've been in a damn house like that and i vowed i will never do that stuff ever again. If you have a good reason to say i am sexy and such, i will take it, but other than that, be careful what you say to me. well, Until next time...

Ignorant people and their close mindedness....


chi:hey u have yahoo
me:?
chi:can we chat there?
me:hi, okay but i dont cam
chi:well..u have a picture of urs right?...dats enough!
me:no
chi:what kinda slave u are?
me:a slave who is owned and engaged
me:why
chi:Owned!!...owned by whom dear?
me:my fiancee
me:why
chi:so..what kinda job does the master makes the slave to do?
me:work wise, looking but also im a domestic slave and W/we do, Sadomasochism
chi:so u are a domestic sex slave?
me:no sex
chi:well, u like receiving pain and he like giving u pain...and more pain can he give than brutal sex?
me:like i said, you need to read
me:there is no sexual power exchange between U/us
me:it is pure power exchange
chi:well....
chi:why not sexual?
chi:u are a girl...dont u have an urge for it?
me:no
me:i hate sex
me:as to why nothing sexual
me:anyways brb
chi:and ur master being a guy...will he want to remain virgin all life?
me:why are you being so ignorant?
chi:well...jus trying to know more from u..
me:well the way you are going, is a bit annoying
me:please stop with the stereotypical stuff
chi:what kinda roleplays do u like?
me:dont do role play
me:again, another stereotypical thing
chi:are u a girl?
me:last time i checked, yup
me:lol why is that so important though
chi:well......some girls do have a dick....shemales
me:still gender is not really important
me:it's how their pesonality is
me:personality
chi:ahaaa really!
chi:then why did u chooose a male as ur master...why not a girl?
me:because i fucking at Domme's
me:they are so fucking fake
me:duh
me:at least with some Dom's they are true
me:i love how you trying to say that gender is important. not going to work

I really hate ignorant people. And this person is one of them. So, out of nowhere in a chat room he decides to pm me. Already asking for pics or cam. Why i state each time, i do not cam and such, because it goes against my rules. 


As the conversation went on, i figured out this dude was a teenager. Gotta love how they try and say they are so age when you can tell by their writing, what age they are. As it went on, he kept spouting stereotypical stuff. Which annoys the hell out of me. 


There is one way of asking about the lifestyle and then another by being so ignorant that you think you know everything in the lifestyle, by all the cliche stuff that some people do. In it, he kept repeating sex slave. As i state with everyone i am not that. 


There are many different types of slaves, not just a sex slave. Yes, most will be a sex slave but not all. So if you are going to talk to me, you need to learn that there are different things out there, other than what the Internet and fake people say. 


The dude was getting on my nerves,saying that gender is important and etc. All because his preference is fucking a girl. Like i state, i don't care what the person is, i go by personality. Which most people think that is bizarre as it is. And i knew what he was up to. He was trying to say his points are right and mine are wrong. 
 I hate when people try and say they are right in everything and what i say is just wrong, no matter what. But with that, i just blocked the dude because he was just trying to start stuff. Anyways, enjoy the pm. Until next time.....