About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

December 11, 2013

Adventures of a water nymph... lol going to title it this, as to a lot of things going on...

Okay, now this one is for my blog. Whew today has been a very eventful day for me. I had some lovely conversations with some oh so lovely people.. yea I'm being sarcastic here.

Let's go with the first one I had. I'm on a site called Weirdtown its not a bad chat site, but still you do have your run in with idiots. Being that said, someone ive been talking to for about a week now, goes to ask me, why I don't have sex and what not.

And I told her my reasoning as to why and gave me a typical idiots answer to it. I told her, I really don't feel the need to have sex, and tells me, I just havent had good sex or a good sex partner..
Now this pisses me off.. clearly people are idiots here. There is a condition where you don't feel sexual and what not, and I have it. Sure, sometimes I feel it, but for the most part I really don't. Hell I don't understand or comprehend why people are addicted to it. Don't think I ever will to be honest. Oh well to that..

The next I stated is I don't have enough money nor a home of my own to have children.. its a short way of stating a very long winded explanation to it. And I get sure, condoms and birth control are out there.
Hm, I already said I didnt have money for it, nor am I going to take things just so I can have sex.

And my response back to her I should say, if you look at it, condoms are what three dollars for a three pack, but I'm allergic to latex, so the ones I need are roughly around ten bucks.... and she said she pays four bucks for birth control... hm well someone has luxury, because I know for a fact, for me, without insurance, it would cost around forty bucks a month. I don't know how I will be on it, but with my family and how they are, I'm not taking the chance. And that is what I said.

My priorities are else where. I said you have luxuries I don't. Hell I found out I'm eight percent below poverty line.. that should of told you something right there. Of course does anyone listen or read what I put? I don't think they do to be honest, because I have to repeat myself and finally get snotty with them, before they ever listen to me.

I'm not ready to have children right now, and I'm not going to do that, buy that stuff just to have it and let everyone think I'm a normal person.. because I can honestly tell you, I am no where near normal.

It's like everyone forgets that everyone doesnt live like they do. I'm still worrying about being homeless, than worrying about having sex with my Husband. But someone thinks of me as being stupid as to put bills, food, a roof over my head way before sexual urges and needs.

Is this really how people think? Even if a little thinks like that? IF that is true, then I can see why so many poor people have children, its because they are pressured to think they need sex in order to fulfill all of our earthly needs. And then exhaust programs and get away with it.

I can see that type of thinking already. And I know for sure I'm not going to do that and I told her that. She finally shut up about it, and went on with whatever. I don't mind talking and sharing about my life and what quirks I have and what not, but don't try to tell me how to be.. that just puts me off. And now I'm not sure if I will ever talk to her again.

Then at the same time talking to her, another person starts pming me. He goes on to tell me he is a dominant guy and wants to own me... and only cares if I'm white. I told him, I am married and owned, and not here for that.. and he goes on to gloat, and say that he has so many white slaves, had sex with them and told one to have an abortion and she does it.

That ticked me off completely. I hate those who gloat about being in the lifestyle, that just shows me for one you are not a man, two you are nowhere near a true dom and never will be, and then trying to get me, knowing full well I am owned, yea its not going to happen.

I can see why I'm so picky with people who say they are in the lifestyle, because each time I talk to someone, they gloat about it, want to know about it or they want to own me and do sexual stuff. That is not my objective here. It's to teach what its about, and hopefully have a friend in it, and help give advice or so, when I truly need it in this lifestyle.. but of course I havent found it.

After I saw that, I knew I couldnt just talk to the person anymore. It goes against my beliefs and why should I taint my morals just for the sake of talking to someone? And I told him in a somewhat nice, but I think firm voice/hand that I am not going to talk to him anymore.

Someone who just has an ego, and just flips the whole slave thing, is just bullshit if you ask me. He is 48 years old, around the same age as my parents, and he acts like he is a teenager/ mid twenty year old just getting into the lifestyle. I hate when people are older than you, but act like children, and you are so much younger and have to be an adult... kinda sad. But yea, I even told him I'm surprised I'm even writing you back, because he really deserve it, but I thought he should know his manners are not welcomed at all.

I told him, that he is not a man and a very sick person to tell anyone to have an abortion. That goes against my very fiber, and will not talk to someone who gloats about it. In his writing he was very happy that she had aborted her child. I take that very seriously.. I think the woman is in the wrong as well, having an affair, and then doing that,s he should be ashamed of herself.

He even told me, that since he was 28, he has been going behind his wife's back and having affairs and having “slaves”. Doing this under her nose. I do not like that at all as well. It is cheating no matter what you think of it.. and to gloat that he has gotten away with something is not right at all, and I let him know about that. And I knew where he was going with it.. he wanted me to cheat on my Husband who is also my Daddy Dom in the lifestyle, and to taint myself just because in the name of him being a so called dom.

Yea, I'm not like that, nor am I stupid enough to leave my Husband/Daddy Dom of almost seven years, and go with a douche? Yea, not going to happen.

That is another thing I was going to write on, you need to watch out for signs that these doms have an ego.. you can just tell from the start. If they have an ego, and say hey I'm a dom, then I think its time to look else where because they are truly not that, just playing around with it.. and getting in it with someone like that, the experience will not be good at all. I know this looks like a novel, but after almost a year of not writing, it has finally come back to me.. and thought to make this into one, instead of a few short ones. Just what has been going on as of late, and that I havent had time really to be writing and keeping up with my blog. But with that, I hope you enjoy it, and hopefully someone out there will learn from this. Until next time.. 

What's been going on lately....

I know i know, im sorry it took this long to actually start blogging again.. been having a hectic year and what not.

a lot of things have been happening in my life. Im back with my family, im talking to my mother a lot more than the rest of them, still its a start somewhere. been a couple of fights so far, but nothing too bad. 

From there, had that horrible arctic storm that went through here, making it almost -50 or so and where im living at the managers had the temp set at 55 degrees, making it feel like damn air-conditioning.. which got me sick. 
Then yesterday night a water pipe burst in O/our apartment building due to it being so fucking cold in the place and then warming up, just couldnt handle it.. so having to smell the nasty water in the basement/mail room. 

Then to what happened yesterday. 

Ive had this guy come up to me probably a month ago or less maybe, asking if i had a boyfriend and what not.. well yesterday i find out, he is sorta stalking me and then comiing up to me, talking to me, about sex, and saying he likes my ass and what not. And he keeps trying to persuade me to go with him and not my Husband and kept saying no "white" man can please you.. yadda yadda yadda.. that went on for about ten minutes, when my Husband got there.. yay for me right? 

Nope, the dude didnt get up, just shook His hand, and didnt move to let my Husband sit next to me, nor leave so W/we could be together.. but doing a power trip on Him and to see if he could get me. 
After that my Husband told me you cant talk to him anymore and i just said okay.. He kept saying he is evil, and not a good person, and glad He got to see him so He could see how he was. And then He kept chastising me because He is my Daddy Dom after all, and saying i should not be meeting or talking to people who are clearly evil.. and of course me crying my eyes out, feeling like i let God down, let Daddy down, and that he would see me in a different light. 

For the next hour, He kept telling me that i shouldnt be doing this and that, but also saying in the same sentences that its not my fault, and i cant help it that evil people are attracted to me lol. And was worrying about my safety. He even went to say, you cant go to the library anymore.. but im glad He came to same conclusion as i did, im going to go, and will tell the guy to not talk to me anymore.. if he doesnt honor that, tell the librarians about it first, if they dont do anything then im calling the cops. 
I'm not going to have people make me a coward all because they are evil and keep their evilness inside.. just not going to happen.
I am glad to say, that i havent seen him today and hopefully the next time i do, its with my Husband so He can tell Him.. i really hate confrontation or saying whatever to people.. i hate being so damn submissive at times, i hate being so damn shy and timid that i cant be myself and be assertive with others. 

Online its easier to deal with evil and idiotic people, but in real life, its a lot harder to get away from it.. because online all you have to do is just ignore or block, but in the real world, they go where you go, so you cant avoid them at all, and then on top of that, they dont honor their word, so it just makes it a hassle. And then you have to involve cops, ugh.. i mean you can do that online, but i think its a lot harder in the real world. 

But yea, you can see how my life goes.. never a dull moment in my life lol. Either something pops up with my lifestyle, or something like this comes up, or something with the house. Guess that is how it is, living on your own lol. 

September 16, 2013

How people are just crazy anymore.

So i answered a question about protecting sexual orientation and ive have a few gays attack me for wanting all sexual orientations to be protected. I've had one just recently tell me, that BDSM is not a sexual orientation while being gay is. If you use sex/power exchange in the lifestyle, it is a sexual orientation. S and M is a part of it, and if it gets you off, well there you go. But the person doesnt know so much about the lifestyle and goes on to a vulgar rant about that being gay is that you are born that way, but BDSM you choose to be in it or not. 

When its the same as BDSM and other things. You choose, whether it may be at a young age, to late teens and such. But others, like gays, more so think that they are the only sexual orientation/lifestyle out there, when they are not. Im not saying all but most will get on my case. I bring up BDSM, i bring up polygamy and others as well. Im all for equal, that means everyone, not just one group gets to have special rules while they outcast other lifestyles. 

A part of me was surprised that i had a few being hateful to me, but then again, i knew it was going to happen. It always happens. But im tired that only one lifestyle gets accepted and others get more hate. I mean i can understand why so much hate on BDSM, but its just silly to only think your lifestyle should be the only one to have special rights and those who want equal, gets bullied, and such. 

But yea, its crazy that you can hit a hateful bunch on this site. Just to the point you just want to leave. Yea, enough on the rant.


July 8, 2013

How things are going so far in the lifestyle....

July 8,2013

I'm not sure what is going on as of late. But i think the Devil is messing with me a lot. This makes the third day that someone wants to pick a fight for no apparent reason. And its about the lifestyle.

The first two nights was on another site, and i asked a simple question that had a bit of O/our memories in it, and i got so much hatred from it, that i wrote them back, stating that Daddy is abusive and what not. And they think im going to just stay quiet about that? I dont think so. And say that im battling everyone's opinion... and i never knew these people on that site at all and they just had to comment on my question all of a sudden? Just doesnt make sense.

I got upset because i thought i made a friend, or at least open up someone eyes to how BDSM works, but to no avial i find out she used me. Just wanted to pick my brain and to see what makes me tick. And then when Daddy wrote back to her in not a nasty way, she comes back and gives me her ideas on it.

And then today happened. I was talking on a chat site and there are quiet a bit of people in the lifestyle and i had someone who thought he was a dominant trying to tell me that im using God as an excuse to not obey other people, and to not do what Daddy/fiancee wanted. This is a touchy subject for me, as to i know there are a lot who are not religious and in the lifestyle so they will have different views than me. But i already knew he was going to try and twist things on me.

I was trying to tell him that i sin just like everyone else, but he just twisted it to saying that im just using that excuse to not do things in the lifestyle. Sorry, but im not going to do things that go against God. He tried taking that i live with Daddy/fiancee a sin, but how can that when W/we are married in His eyes?

That didnt go well with him so he kept going on. I told him, that i will not do other things with other people, because it goes against God and he just said that i twist the Word and God so i dont have to do it. Because you tell me, how is it Godly to share your body/soul with another person and not taint yourself and your spouse?

I just love how people in this lifestyle judge more so than those who are not in it, but then again, you do have a lot who are not in the lifestyle twist a lot of things and think oh its abusive and so forth. So it can be equal in ways. I just dont get why all the hate, all the fighting as of late. Is it to see how much i can take before breaking again? I dont know, i just hope that im doing well and doing the right thing for God. Until next time.

July 4, 2013

Being a Christian and living the BDSM lifestyle.....

mh:ur a slave?
me:yes, who is owned though
mh:do u massage ur owners feet?
me:no
mh:why not?
me:well lets see, for one He doesnt like it, two that isnt one of the things i do
mh:than what do u do?
me:domestic slave, who does S and M
mh:which is?
me:well to what part
mh:what are ur slave chores
me:cleaning up the house, keeping it tidy, doing laundry, taking care of Him and supporting His decisions
mh:define takeing care of him and supporting his decsions
Making sure He has everything He needs for work, making sure His health is in order, or if He is sick, take care of Him, get medicine, etc. His decisions, if they are huge ones, like disowning family, im with Him
etc
mh:hmm so no sex or massages?
me:for U/us very little sex is involved in the lifestyle. And i give Him back massages here and there when He needs them
mh:so ur a slave and not a girlfriend
mh:wow
me:I'm everything to Him. Slave/wife/lover/friend etc
mh:wow how'd u get in this posting
me:it's always who ive been. I just met Him and knew He was the one for me in the lifestyle and outside of it as well
mh:um so he's ur bf
mh:and to be sadstic is a sin fyi
me:He's my fiancee/Husband
but also my Daddy Dom in the lifestyle
me:nope its not
me:fyi
mh:yes it is
me:no its not
mh:yes it is
me:you may think it is, but what W/we do and what God thinks
is what i need to go with
whether you think so or not
mh:well ur belife is false
satan tortures people for sexual pleasure pagans who worship demons were sadstic
me:that is what you think. Me on the other hand i dont think so. And like i just stated, that is between me and God
and no one else
oh come on
you are going to try and pull that one
okay


I keep having this stinking conversation with this guy every time i let him out of the ignore section of the site im on. It never fails, that he starts asking questions and then goes on to try and tell me what im doing is wrong. And with that, this little teenager needs to learn that not everything he thinks is right or wrong in his eyes. 

I was doing pretty much fine with him until he got to the point that S and M is a sin. How is it a sin when it is consent and God doesnt really care about that? That is what i want to know. Trying to state the satan uses it as pleasure with sex.... makes me wonder what the heck he thinks of other lifestyles that do go against the Bible? 

I procreeded to tell him what he thought about disciplining women in the Bible, as to God wants us to be humble and submit to our husbands. And he came up with a hogwash answer and just tore it down. But of course he wanted to try and get the last word in, and try to tell me that what i am doing is horrible and i need to stop it in so many words.

To most who live this lifestyle have told me that what i do is very boring and they do more extreme and horrible stuff. Sorry, but i am a Christian and i go by what God wants. I go by what God commandments say and from there my morals and then what God tells me in my heart. 
 I've tried just settling it with him and just saying, you think what you want, and i will think what i want and just leave it at that. But of course being a teenager and thinking he has all this great knowledge try to go on with it. After a while, i just ignored him and went on with whatever im doing. 

I wanted to post this, and show that no matter what people who think they are Christians try to tear down others lives. Just because you may not understand it or agree with it, but it really is beteween them and God. All you can do is respect and go on with your life. All you can do instead of pushing your beliefs on people and what not. 

My lifestyle is Christian BDSM: being for God first and foremost and keeping His commandments and then the lifestyle. That does not mean im serving two masters and so forth and many state or that im with satan because i love extreme S and M. If you cant handle that, then i advise you to not talk to me really. 

Im not going to wither away and my faith go down because people think they are right in this area. I have talked to God so many times on this and to see if it was right to go ahead and do this. I didnt get any feelings or Words from Him to stop it, so why should i?
 If im keeping the commandments and His laws and being for Him, why cant i? I love how people try to tear people's faith down all because of the lifestyle they lead, especially this one. 

And what makes it a bit more annoying is that it seems he is in it(fake if you ask me) as to asking all these questions and when he didnt like something would pop that in. Either you are involved in this lifestyle with a religion or not, but dont try to come at me and say this and that when you are not in it. Just doesnt have any valid points in my view.

With that, i like to point out, that i am a domestic slave. Yes, i keep the house in working order, i take care of Daddy/fiancee and support His discions whether i like it or not. I am married to him in God's eyes, so i obey. And with that, W/we do S and M, but not to the point i have permnament scars all over my body, body modifications, mocking/playing religious play and what not. So what is the harm of it for me to be involved in this lifestyle or not to others? 

I just dont get at times why people want to poke their noses into other peoples business. True, i do have slave whatever in my name in the social sites im on, but that is because it is who i am and will always be that. And also to find those who are in the lifestyle, try to make friends, understand more of the lifestyle and why people do it, and to open other peoples eyes that a real and honest bdsm lifestyle is different than what they think it is. But that does not give you the right, to come into my space/life and try to tell me what to do.(One of my rules to never obey anyone online or real life). 

I think this just irks me a bit, because i have spoken a few times on religion with BDSM and of course it always come out the same way. Just too many people thinking of only the one way a Christian can be. 
 Until next time. 

May 18, 2013

You are my Daddy..... BDSM poem.... by me.


There is so much i want to say to you
but most of those thoughts get lost into my warped thinking
my inner voice telling me you wont understand me completely if i tell you the things that are hidden within me
telling me you are nothing to anyone, why would he be different?
So many voices tearing my soul apart
each one pulling me in different directions
and not knowing which way to go
which one is right
which one to follow

Your voice calms the fears inside of me
the only voice that can show me which way to go
which way is the correct direction to take
in my life, in my world
your the only voice who has heard me
through my screaming
through my begging to be heard
and you are the only one that completes me in every way

Clarity comes from me knowing that you are my Daddy
in every way of life
I find that you are my soul mate
my lover
my friend
my confident in this world
my everything
and i know without a doubt you are my Daddy
And i know all those doubts inside my heart go away
when im with you
my fears of trust are wiped away
with just a touch
with just a look
with just a sound
with just a word
from Your lips
my heart turns to you
my heart/body/mind listens to you
even when im being a brat and not obeying clearly
deep down, i want your discipline
i want your attention solely on me
i want you to show me the way of my errors
and set me straight

The only thing that is on my mind
is how to please you and make your life comfortable
what my mistake was for getting your ferioucous kisses
your rage and anger that you put into whipping me
how i can be of use to you each and every day.
 These thoughts revolve around you
sometimes it is scary, as to i never had this type of love
never felt so connected
so content with someone in my life

With all of these doubts
with all of these fears
and flaws that are in me
i know that you love me for who i am
why you have chosen me and no one else
to be your loving slave
partner
wife
soul mate
because you see something more in me
something i may not see in myself
and that makes me proud to be your slave.

May 2, 2013

Journal of a water nymph day fourteen?


What not to say or ask for in a BDSM community/club.

Searching for a naturally submissive girl, whose limits are to be trully found.

I want someone who belives that her place in this world is to obey, to give pleasure and to be taken care of by another person.

In other words, I want someone who will bend to my will. If I, for example, tell her to dress "x" clothes, she will. If I tell her I want her hair pink instead of black, she will do it. I want to explore her submissive nature and make sure she knows, day after day, hour after hour, that she is owned...and thus, she is now complete.


me:hm i wont try to sound too rude here. But it seems a bit fakish to me. Due to "bending her will" uh that takes time, takes to getting to know the person, and what they want and so forth. Wanting what you want, is part of it, but also what she wants and needs as well. Its not about completing, its about bonding, and the journey as the person above me stated. So much more of this lifestyle than what you stated. Sigh, maybe im just totally different than what "others/most" are. Shakes head

me:Ah much better. Okay, I understand what everyone is putting here. But synard, it came off really artificial as someone put it earlier. That offended a lot of us subs, in every way. Because this lifestyle isnt about playing around, well most of us that is. I understand where you are coming from , hell im tired of trying to find friends in this lifestyle, but i dont put it in that way. No matter what im myself, and dont have to come off sounding plastic, or weird, just to find that right person(s).

I too have met so many people who are fake in this lifestyle,(you will find more fakes than real online more so than anything) and with that, you need to look and see what you want. I mean really want, than just those standards you put. What caught us, is that you want someone to bend to your will, right then and there. Sorry, but if they do that, then you will know that they are fake in the beginning and just mere play acting. What i think most of us are trying to say, is that, you need to build up a relationship, a bond, in the beginning. Talk to the person, get to know them, known their hard/soft limits, what they like, dont like in the lifestyle, and whatever else. You have to see if it meshes you, in order for this lifestyle to ever work out for the long hall. Because i assume that's what you want a LTR? is that it, long term relationship in the lifestyle? Well, you know what i mean. Just like everyone else, you have to weed out the stupid fakes, to find the real ones out there. Take care.

Also something came to me. You said bend to your will. A true sub/slave will kneel without you having to bend it. I think that is what caught us off guard there.

What also amazes me is that so many subs had views like me, and was trying to just set him right, in the way he was wording things, and how we felt. It didnt feel like any other club/room ive been in before, which makes me happy, that there are people out there, who i can be friends with in the lifestyle. :)

April 27, 2013

Journal of a water nymph day thirteen?


A lot of people are surprised to know that i am a Christian and living in the BDSM lifestyle. For me it goes hand in hand. I am a Christian who practices BDSM. You can be both, dont have to be or the other. Just have to keep the commandments, God's laws, and of course obey God.

I get it all the time, that they are surprised im a Christian who is in the lifestyle, or they say, you cant be. Shrugs
 Just because you are a Christian, and that you are in the lifestyle, doesnt mean you are 'evil'. Just as long as you do things, as most will say is boring of the lifestyle, then why cant you? Hm, it even states in the Bible, that women are suppose to submit to their husbands. I'm doing what i think is right and what God wants me to do. And that is just that.
As you see in the little convo down below, someone that is shocked to know i am a Christian as well. The conversation went on, saying that maybe i could be fairly decent, but not sure.

Anyways, that's all on my mind with this. Enjoy.


no need to be sorry. My memory sucks as well. lol. I think in greek
i was trying to think of a cool song that involved menory BUT i drew a blank
red does a few with memory
red?
yea, Christian rock band
oh...you are into Christian Rock?
yes
i am a Christian after all lol
you must understand that i am surprised....even though i am one of the more open minded people out here
how so?
this is nuts for me because You are the second "Alternate Lifestyle" female i met on here that was also a christian
well...i am decently versed in the bible
yea, you can be in the lifestyle and be a Christian.

April 22, 2013

journal of a water nymph day twelve


April 22,2013

Whew, lately been tired. Daddy has been working almost eight days in a row, and i hate it. With that, sleeping is all messed up but also when i go to sleep, no dreams, and if i do, just horrible ones. Nothing good. So im exhausted going to bed and waking up. Sigh, i hate when its like this. 

Um with that, ive been getting this question a lot from people. So, you are into the BDSM lifestyle? Do you like being slapped, spat on, dominated and controlled etc? Is it sexual, do you do sexual stuff, whenever He wants? 

These keep coming up. I'm not into it, I LIVE IT. I practice BDSM 24/7 no stops at all. States it in my profile, and i will say it for as long as people ask it. Yes, i like the S and M more so than B and D. But its not sexual at all. Not for U/us or for the people who are truly in it. I mean yes, sex is a part of it, or more so for others,(the kinksters really), but im not a kinkster. 

With that, its not sexual. The whole point of BDSM is the POWER EXCHANGE. That said, it in everything. Not just in sexual stuff, but in ordinary stuff as well. Examples, I'm a domestic slave, who does the S and M, but i do that because i need the pain and control in my life, to balance me out. Not because i find it a turn on(well i do in a different way) but its what i need. It's not a drug, its just something to help keep me focused, keep me balanced and be sane in the real world. 

We do this because it is a part of us, and we need it daily. Others do it, because they get tired of their role, and want something else for the time being, but others like myself, its not a role, it is who we are. 

But with that, all and all, today has been exhausting. My wrist, and back is killing me, along with its still snowing outside. Ugh, this winter does not want to let up at all. I am grateful and thank God that W/we are not homeless, nor will go homeless again, and be in this weather. Makes you think how grateful you are to have what you have. :) 
 Well enough of that, Until next time...
                                                                    ashpea

April 20, 2013

journal of a water nymph day eleven.


April 20,2013

So a few days ago i scared Daddy. He was choking me to the point i passed out. Didnt think i did, but i guess i did, and He said i was snorting and not talking and what not. Shook me quite a bit and yelling my name. I could hear Him, but i was a bit dazed. HE stopped it and asked are you alright, and im like yea. Didnt think i passed out, but i could hear myself snorting and what not. Its a weird feeling. Each time going into "subspace" its different. Not sure if its the same for others or what.

But with that, doing the lifestyle more so, which is new, and interesting. I just wish the pain was every day as well, because well as of lately i feel the urges come up, or me being a brat to get punished. I dont understand why i need it more lately, maybe of the stress. Who knows, but i do know is that i crave it, and crave the brusies and cuts that come with it. Guess just like my movie, its refreshing to see them and then heal.

Hm guess i will end it with this, as to i dont know how to express what has been going on lately without putting up a huge alarm. So with that note, will end it. Until next time...
                                                              ashpea

Oh there is a few things i would like to try, and saw some very nice ballet boots, but they cost so much money. Hoping one of these days to get up the money for toys and what not. :)

April 12, 2013

Journal on homeless, thoughts day one or two...

April 12,2013

I think this is pretty funny. See W/we went homeless back in 2012, well there was quite a bit of people who went homeless with U/us. And W/we know who these people are. Ever since W/we got out of being homeless, i mainly me have enemies, which i think is funny because i didnt do anything to become an enemy but somehow i did. Go figure? Huh?

Well, today, i see some of the people, and they look at me like im still homeless and they are better than me. But what they dont realize is that im far better off than i was about what seven/eight months ago. While their lives are still on hold or just becoming worse. 

I just think it is funny, that they hate me so much. I mean, i dont see them in good light as well, but that is because of what they did to me. I had one girl, who seems to be my arch enemy, only talked to me and hung out when she had no one else to talk to or to fuck really. Im sorry, if you guys know me, which i know a few of you who does, i do not do well with these type of people. People who have a dogs personality basically, who goes from one person to the next, i dont mesh well with at all. And they knew i wouldnt be like this. 

Another girl, who was pregnant and had a husband, couldnt hack it without him in the womans dorm, when i had to do the same thing, due to not being married and this place W/we were at said W/we were sinning. So W/we had to be seperated for a month to get by.(Which that was one of my main worries, back then. But i became stronger in the end, thanks to God) And i think they hate me because me and Daddy are so much stronger because of this. 

What they dont understand is that, O/our relationship has always had hardships, right from the beginning. So W/we are use to helping O/one A/another in these types of ordeals. W/we become stronger and stronger, and i think they hate that.

Throughout being homeless, had a couple of other people get mad at U/us as well and hated O/our bond with O/one A/another. W/we were called super couple, as to W/we walked everywhere with O/one A/another, during this. What they dont know, is O/our relationship and the lifestyle that W/we lead. They just see U/us being together twenty four seven, which W/we are use to anyways.

But what they dont see, is W/we do fight, W/we do get into arguments that last a while, and the heartbreak that goes with it. The struggles with the lifestyle, but of course this is all hidden, and with that, W/we have people who hate that, and call U/us a perfect couple. Which i seriously hate. W/we are not perfect at all. What i do know, is what W/we went through was because God wanted U/us to go through it, to be stronger with Him and with U/us. 

And sometimes in my journal entries it does seem that W/we may break up, it is rocky and shaky to the point that this relationship is doomed, but W/we bounce back from this ten times more. W/we become stronger with each hardship that hits U/us, and makes U/us love one another more and more as the years go by. 

I just think it is funny, that homeless people are one of the most picky people out there and i can see why most people wont help homeless out. But there is another side to it, its hard, stressful and what not. 
And with that comes with people calling you names, getting hit with food, drinks and verbal assualts. 

Like when W/we first got O/our apartment, me and Daddy are so happy with it, and pissed me off, as W/we needed help to bring up O/our bed and tv and what not up to the apartment as W/we didnt have an elevator at the time, and had some people from the homeless place W/we were at, say, are you sure you are going to be okay here? Its smaller than HB. I just get so mad, because this came from God, this all came from Him, and they have to do that. When i give thanks to a home, a HOME OF MY OWN, THANKS TO GOD. And they have to do that? I clenched my teeth and said yes, this is what God wants U/us to do, and im doing it with a happy heart. 

And i still do. All the memories that course through me when i have to look down the bridge going to albertsons, pangs hit me, but i still sing for God, i praise Him for helping U/us because stronger and getting out of a horrible situation. But those memories will never leave, and my eyes will never be the same ever again. 

Would i go through this again? No, if it was my own choice, i would just go homeless on the streets, but if God wanted me to go through the programs again, i would gladly do it for Him and for Him only. There are only two people in my life, i will do things like this as an example and to better myself and that is God(of course without a shadow of a doubt) and Daddy/fiancee.

Anyways, with that, i can see why so many people hate homeless people. They have nothing yet they are so freaking picky on where they live, what they eat, what type of clothes they get and so forth when in reality they should be happy to get what they get at that point in time.

Will i live here for the rest of my life? The answer is simply no. This is not me and Daddy's dream, nor do i feel that it is God's. Right now, it is a home, a safe haven for the time being. It is O/our place for the time being, but not a permanent home. This is God's way of showing U/us that W/we can be on O/our own, and sooner or later in His time, will W/we get O/our home, O/our family and other dreams W/we have dreamt up for so long. 

When i got this place, i couldnt help but bawl my eyes out like im doing right now. I thank God so much, for this, because this is a sliver of O/our dreams come true. When W/we got this place, oh my gosh, it felt so surreal, and each time i come home, yes im saying HOME. I feel so happy so elated and feel at peace with this. And each time i thank God for this. 

You can see i cant stop it, because He and of course Daddy have been the constant thing in my life, that HAS NEVER LET ME DOWN. And im happy to say and glad that they are both in my life. With that, dont know if you can see, im pretty much happy today. 
I dont know what it means, but to feel so free, so unburden feels so wonderful. I know its not going to last long, but im enjoying it for the time being. I know W/we have many more hardships to go through, but i know one day all of O/our dreams will come true. Just gotta rely and believe in God's will and He will tell U/us when it is O/our time for these dreams to come true.  

I guess that is all i have to say for the time being. Until next time....
Ashpea/slave/wife........

April 11, 2013

journal of a water nymph day ten?


April 11,2013

Hm the last two days were really good. Did the lifestyle again, and i feel like im back in balance with myself. I'm just glad that me and Daddy are slowly getting back on track and level with O/one A/another. 

Yesterday just relaxed and watched movies and what not. Im still pretty sore, from both what W/we did and also my period. But with that, all and all things are doing good. 

The only thing im worried about is the money, not going to get much, but hopefully it wont be like this always. Um with that, ive been talking to a person who is in the lifestyle. I dont know how i feel about it at this moment. 

Im trying hard not to judge or to see the patterns, but its very hard not to. I guess im use to being an outsider and just looking from the outside. I see that this person, doesnt want to grow really, just takes what he wants from his slaves and that is it. How can you be in the lifestyle, if you cant grow, learn and understand? Just doesnt make sense to me. 

Really trying not to be a bitch at the moment, but i feel my Domme side rising up, and wanting to lash out. But im really trying to just be myself, but i think it is hard to do that. Espeically if you had someone who outright asked in the first place if you are just in the lifestyle all beacuse of fifty shades of grey. 

For one, i hate the books, never read them and i will never read them. If you want good BDSM books, ask me and i will give you a few, i think who does it well. This and another author do not understand about the lifestyle and give us a bad name. With that, its hard not to judge or make assumptions/opinions of people, you just talk to on the lifestyle and what not. 

I guess it makes me question a lot of things. See when i start talking to others in the lifestyle, it is always, what we are into and what we dont like. Most dont do what i do, or do extreme stuff, and what not. And then after that, i just get this feeling, as if in some odd way they are trying to break me, trying to make me bend my knee to them, and that will never happen.
 Maybe that is my imagination, but that is how it feels. I mean yes i get some who outright state it, but then others just subtly do things, and its hard to just find poeple in the lifestyle just to talk to. Ive only found i think a couple who i can talk to and be myself, but others, very very hard.

With that it makes me question, am i fake in the lifestyle? Should i even be in it? Is it me or them that are being rude? Or what?
 Some of the questions and feelings that come out when im talking to people on the lifestyle and what not. 
Maybe i am insane, and i just dont think i am. Who knows, but it gets very confusing when you are living the lifestyle and trying to express yourself through the internet or through blog. 

With this, what do you make this out? 


i think if u are a master u cannot change.

me: well actually you can
like most or so, can be a slave for so long, but then switch and like being the Dom/me more so. It just depends on your taste and if they change or not

i think a master who becomes a slave even for just a taste losing some of his/her authorty

me:no, not at all. I dont see that with Daddy when He switches to be a slave for a bit, vise versa
just trying it and seeing, doesnt mean you loose trust and what not

W/we have switched who W/we are for a bit to see if W/we were either slave or Dom/me and what not. I dont think by switching and seeing if you are either one, makes your "authority" degrade. I do not see Daddy in a different light and neither does He with me. W/we try it to expand O/our relationship, to grow, to learn from each other and what not. If you cant try to do new things with your slave/sub then how will the lifestyle go on, and how will your bond grow? How will your love, your thoughts, your bond, your trust and what not, grow, if you do not even try to expand it and try new things? 

I dont know, maybe ive been in it for a very long time, and that my thinking is messed up. But i do know, that expanding O/our lifestyle has made U/us grown so much together, that bond W/we have is very strong, and makes me think, if W/we just did a little bit, a little bit of spanking, and what not, would that decline O/our love for one another, or what? 

I dont know, just a lot of food for thought really. Enjoy.... Until next time.
                                                                      ashpea 

April 8, 2013

Journal of a water nymph day nine


id love to own u
hm how swo?
so?
id love to tie you to my bed
hm not to be mean, but glad you are not.
lol
why?
because my wants and what i like in the lifestyle are different than what you like
its non sexual?
it is. For me it is at least
but also what i get into in the lifestyle is totally what you think

I just dont get it. Almost every person i speak to in the lifestyle or curious about it, always tell me this. And each time i have to ask why? Why would you love to own me? Do you think im going to be happy and do what you want? Do you think im just a play toy to you? And that you need relief and the only way to do that is to try the lifestyle?

These are only a few things that comes to my mind when people tell me they would love to own me. And each time i always get at least the same answer back as i did with this one, just with different wording.

I'm happy that i found Daddy/fiancee as i did, or else i would be very stupid and be ending up with people who do not understand the lifestyle or just do it for kink value. That isnt who i am or what my needs and wants were ever.

I tried being nice, and saying, im glad he isnt my owner, as to he doesnt know my needs or my wants. Or what i love in the lifestyle, and what he put, isnt no where near what i like.

This is a lifestyle for me, not a silly game to be played out in role play. I am a slave, indeed i am, but to only one person and one person only. So it will never come up for me to "play" with anyone. And if i did, it would be someone i respect and those who respect me and the lifestyle.

With that, my tastes are this: sadomasochism is mostly what i get into. I love pain and i need it in order to feel balance in my life. I do not like bondage really, and i will only like it, if im truly tied up and i can trust the person who is doing it. Other than that, you can take the bondage out of it for me.

Discipline, i need just as much as i do with pain. If i do not get corrected for something ive done wrong, i become bratty, i become a bitch and so forth. And at times it seems like Daddy can not tame me, but He is the only one i will allow to break me.

I know what i like and hate and Daddy knows as well. So when strangers come online and tell me this, they do not know the darker side of what this lifestyle is about.
 If you want your thrills and kicks with the sexual stuff of the lifestyle, go right ahead, but if you talk to me about it, i will tell you, and advise you not to do it at all, but in the end it will be your decision, not mine. But i will try to hinder you in that area.

I just find it funny, that people online think they know me so well, that i will bow down, kneel to them and do what they want. What's funny about it, i wont do it. I only show a bit of me, and that may be my submissive side til you pissed me off. I show what i want to show, the rest is hidden. My darker thoughts, my darker fantasies, the other sides of me, stay hidden from everyone but Daddy and of course God.

I am a complicated person, i have baggage that wont go away, i have mental problems that will never disappear, and my feelings are tangled/jumbled up with my thoughts. Would i talk about it right away with people? The answer to that is no. I keep things from peopple, especially Daddy(which i dont mean to do). I do what is natural to me, and that is hiding my feelings and bottle them up.

So how would a stranger know who i am truly? How would they know what my desires, my wants, my needs are in both the vanilla and the bdsm lifestyle? And the answer to that is: they dont know at all. They will never know.
I am a dark person, and you will never know who i am completely.

Enough on this.. Until next time.
                                                                   ashpea

April 6, 2013

Journal of a water nymph day seven and eight.

April 6 2013

Sigh, yesterday was very interesting to say. I got what i wanted for a very long time, pain. its been a while since ive had it. Ive been craving it for a while now, and finally i got what i wanted. 

Yesterday was planned to have a normal day: just to relax and watch shows together. It kinda got changed a bit. About a few hours into watching one of O/our favorite shows, He decides its time to do what He wants. 

Starts choking me to the point of passing out, and keep doing it. I remember some parts, i feel like im in my other world, a bit afraid but it is so calm, feel like my eyes are being crossed, cant see what is going on. All the while, it sounds like im whimpering or im saying something, but i cant make it out. And my feelings, i feel like grandma is around me, holding me, and then i wake from it. And i see Daddy choking me lightly this time. 

I try my hardest to fight Him, but its useless. I feel myself growing weaker and weaker. Daddy does what He wants, still choking me as well. Telling me how weak ive become. Me still trying to fight, using my mousey claws, gasping for breath. Fighting to keep myself conscience. All the while Daddy telling me, ive become stronger in fighting off passing out. Doesnt help really, just focusing my mind on staying awake. 

After an hour of this, Daddy stops. Go back to watch O/our tv show, and asking me all the while, are you okay? Did i hurt you in anyway. Shaking my head no, and saying im okay. Just think you brusied me, but that is all. After that, snuggle back into His arms, and watch the show.



April 6 2013

Today, my brattyness was getting a bit out of hand. I dont know why, but i woke up in a cranky way, and Daddy kept telling me, you are not going to ruin this for U/us. You will be good and just behave and have good memories before He went to work. Had to hit my hands a couple of times, to get me to straighten out a bit. All that has happened today with the lifestyle. 

Ashpea

April 4, 2013

Journal of a water nymph day six


April 4,2013
Yesterday was an interesting day. A new day for U/us to learn to be better in O/our lifestyle and get back on track with one another.
Had to go out to get O/our money back on the lamb and what not. Came back home, and Daddy was Himself. He told me, put on your slave outfit and you will do things. So i put it on, and He tells me to do things, slaps my face, because i was back talking til i stopped it. And from there, kneeled down and said sorry. And He told me, you will clean up the house, before tomorrow morning. I got up, He pushes me back down, you didnt do it properly. I give Him a puzzled look and He says, bow all the way and then get up. So i did that, and was doing that.
Was trying to clean and make food at the same time, which is really hard for me. I was picking up clothes, and Daddy is like, okay you need to do this. And im like, i cant do two things at once. You want me to clean but you want me to cook as well. He told me, be quiet, calm down, and i want you to cook right now. I started crying, almost panicking again, He looks at me, rubs my arms and said, dont panic, it will be okay.
Just do the cooking for right now, and then get back to cooking. I was still panicking and He told me, just calm down, breathe, everything will be okay. And i was fine.
Got it done, and watched movies with Him. The days are getting better. Later on today, He will get home earlier than usual, watch more movies and probably do the lifestyle again.
Until next time..
ashpea

Journal of a water nymph day five


April 4,2013
Gosh, the last two days have been up and down. It started tuesay when He had His first day off. I knew things were going bad, as to He was taking His sweet time, getting ready to go to the grocery store. I let that slide, then after that, He put me in the closet again, and i knew He was up to something but i wasnt too sure what. After that, i cleaned up the house, and i turned to Him and i said, you better not be up to anything and He gets mad at me. I did exactly what He wanted, to tell Him when He is doing something bad.
After that, i just kept my emotions inside, i gave Him His damn space until about eight nine oclock, i just snapped. I knew something was going on, and i told Him, either you spend time with me, after i made dinner or you get off completely. My Domme side came out, and i hate to use it on Him. He didnt like that, so i took the computer and He shuts it on me. And tries to pin me down, i got so mad at Him trying to make me stop whet He wanted, and i seriously kicked Him twice in His stomach, and He came at me, thought He was going to hit me, but just took the computer back. I was crying hard by this time, and He finally got off of it. He gave me the computer while He went to take a shower. He told me, do what you want.
Well, im a sneaky mouse, i know how to get into His yahoo account and read His history. I was reading it part of it, when Daddy came back in, and saw what i was doing, told me, why do you have to be a smart mousey? You just couldnt wait and let me tell you, huh? I kept reading it and i see that He showed His body privately while i was in the closet.
I got up and was panicking and what not. I was getting so caught up, i couldnt breathe, i was pacing back and forth, ready to cut myself and everything else. My words were not coherent at all, and Daddy kept telling me, calm down ashley, come here, calm down, it will be okay.
He kept saying, im sorry, you dont trust me anymore and what not. I just kept crying, and i couldnt talk really because i was just so out of it. He told me, you can punish me if you want, and i came up with new rules. But with that, at the time my trust was lost a bit.
With all the stuff ive gone through in my life, He kinda broke me. I thought He would never do this, never betray my trust really and He did. I mean not really but then again, He did. I know He has commitment issues, but still. What made me so upset and so mad is that i keep all the rules intact, i dont cyber with anyone yet He does. I do not show myself online, He does. Just pissed me off so much, because He wanted to do the lifestyle with other people really and not by O/our rules that W/we made. Just made me so stinking upset.
After i calmed down, probably about an hour or so, i told Him, by sitting on Him, that i want to keep doing this lifestyle, but with you. I tried compromising, either He can do the stuff, but i read it, like in the past, or not at all, and do it with me. But He made up His mind and wants to do it with me.
I'm hoping that His eyes are being opened up and hopefully this will stop. He thinks that He has betrayed/failed God and me, but He hasnt. I think He did hurt me, but i still love Him and i wont leave Him. Put a lot of love in this man im not going to flake out on something so stupid, so fucking little in O/our life, that W/we have gone through.
Like, W/we've had harder things than this, so why is it taking a toll on U/us? All i know is that, after calming down and yesterday being about U/us, O/our relationship is getting better. It was rocky for a bit, and Him trying to throw me away, telling me to go find someone else. Which hurts me, and me feeling so guilty for really hurting Him.
At the time i felt like HE so fucking needed it. I wanted HIm to feel the hurt i was going through. I seriously thought of hurting myself, just picking up the blade and slicking through my body with it.
But with it, W/we are better. He keeps telling me sorry for what He's done, thinks i do not trust Him at all, when thats not the case and that O/our relationship is ruined, when its not. The important thing, is talking through it, and getting back on track with U/us.
He told me, that even though He was using the closet as a bad way of punishing me, it does work well, which it does. It makes me realize i did things wrong, and it kinda scares me to be in it. But i think for no on, He will use it in the right way.
I told Him if you feel like you need to do evil fantasies, either you talk to me or do it to me. So that is what W/we've been doing. Seems like it is working.
Sigh, I hate when W/we get into these type of fights, just not O/ourselves and it hurts U/us in a way. But each time going through things, it makes U/us stronger and this will be just like the rest. Until next time.
ashpea

March 27, 2013

journal of a water nymph day four

march 27,2013

Gosh yesterday was horrible. It started out really well and that W/we finally got internet for O/our apartment. And right after that, Daddy becomes grumpy and what not, and had another fight. After this, Daddy becomes cold and harsh towards me. Then He thinks well lets put me in the closet... i wanted to try it out as a punishment and man it was harsh. I think the reason for it, is i knew what Daddy was doing. 

I started breaking and crying my eyes out. And Daddy is acting like, why am i crying like this. Finally most of the day passes, Him telling me things to do, but to get me away from the computer so He can try and meet up with a so called Domme here. Finally at the end, i tell Him what are you up to, and finally He came out and told me. 

I couldnt tell Him that He hurt me quite a bit. I dont know why He wants to do this. It hurts me, as to He was doing the lifestyle because of the girl He was talking to online, and not for U/us. And that He lied to me, looking up toys and what not to get. Just felt like He betrayed me in a way.

He finally broke down and said, im so sorry. He has an addiction to the fantasies of it all. I think it finally got to Him, as He saw in my eyes that He did hurt me a bit and i didnt trust Him for a while. He kept saying sorry and even today He kept doing that. He would be very upset if He lost God's trust and love and even mine. 

Im hoping He can wake up from it and stop this. Im not sure what i can do about this, i guess all i can do is just trust Daddy, and that this will make U/us grow more in the lifestyle and do more of it, with just O/ourselves and what not. 

Sigh i wonder if anyone else has gone through this? I guess that is why im writing this stuff out instead of keeping it inside of myself anymore. And if anyone has gone through this, how did you get through this? Did you stop trusting your Master/Mistress? 

With that, the computer messed up today, had to do a recovery to it, and had to have someone help me at the library. If it wasnt for God this computer wouldnt be up and running now. Maybe this is a warning from God, if Daddy doesnt stop this, He is going to discipline big time. 

Anyways, enough of today. Until next time..
ashpea