About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

April 8, 2013

Journal of a water nymph day nine


id love to own u
hm how swo?
so?
id love to tie you to my bed
hm not to be mean, but glad you are not.
lol
why?
because my wants and what i like in the lifestyle are different than what you like
its non sexual?
it is. For me it is at least
but also what i get into in the lifestyle is totally what you think

I just dont get it. Almost every person i speak to in the lifestyle or curious about it, always tell me this. And each time i have to ask why? Why would you love to own me? Do you think im going to be happy and do what you want? Do you think im just a play toy to you? And that you need relief and the only way to do that is to try the lifestyle?

These are only a few things that comes to my mind when people tell me they would love to own me. And each time i always get at least the same answer back as i did with this one, just with different wording.

I'm happy that i found Daddy/fiancee as i did, or else i would be very stupid and be ending up with people who do not understand the lifestyle or just do it for kink value. That isnt who i am or what my needs and wants were ever.

I tried being nice, and saying, im glad he isnt my owner, as to he doesnt know my needs or my wants. Or what i love in the lifestyle, and what he put, isnt no where near what i like.

This is a lifestyle for me, not a silly game to be played out in role play. I am a slave, indeed i am, but to only one person and one person only. So it will never come up for me to "play" with anyone. And if i did, it would be someone i respect and those who respect me and the lifestyle.

With that, my tastes are this: sadomasochism is mostly what i get into. I love pain and i need it in order to feel balance in my life. I do not like bondage really, and i will only like it, if im truly tied up and i can trust the person who is doing it. Other than that, you can take the bondage out of it for me.

Discipline, i need just as much as i do with pain. If i do not get corrected for something ive done wrong, i become bratty, i become a bitch and so forth. And at times it seems like Daddy can not tame me, but He is the only one i will allow to break me.

I know what i like and hate and Daddy knows as well. So when strangers come online and tell me this, they do not know the darker side of what this lifestyle is about.
 If you want your thrills and kicks with the sexual stuff of the lifestyle, go right ahead, but if you talk to me about it, i will tell you, and advise you not to do it at all, but in the end it will be your decision, not mine. But i will try to hinder you in that area.

I just find it funny, that people online think they know me so well, that i will bow down, kneel to them and do what they want. What's funny about it, i wont do it. I only show a bit of me, and that may be my submissive side til you pissed me off. I show what i want to show, the rest is hidden. My darker thoughts, my darker fantasies, the other sides of me, stay hidden from everyone but Daddy and of course God.

I am a complicated person, i have baggage that wont go away, i have mental problems that will never disappear, and my feelings are tangled/jumbled up with my thoughts. Would i talk about it right away with people? The answer to that is no. I keep things from peopple, especially Daddy(which i dont mean to do). I do what is natural to me, and that is hiding my feelings and bottle them up.

So how would a stranger know who i am truly? How would they know what my desires, my wants, my needs are in both the vanilla and the bdsm lifestyle? And the answer to that is: they dont know at all. They will never know.
I am a dark person, and you will never know who i am completely.

Enough on this.. Until next time.
                                                                   ashpea

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