About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

April 11, 2013

journal of a water nymph day ten?


April 11,2013

Hm the last two days were really good. Did the lifestyle again, and i feel like im back in balance with myself. I'm just glad that me and Daddy are slowly getting back on track and level with O/one A/another. 

Yesterday just relaxed and watched movies and what not. Im still pretty sore, from both what W/we did and also my period. But with that, all and all things are doing good. 

The only thing im worried about is the money, not going to get much, but hopefully it wont be like this always. Um with that, ive been talking to a person who is in the lifestyle. I dont know how i feel about it at this moment. 

Im trying hard not to judge or to see the patterns, but its very hard not to. I guess im use to being an outsider and just looking from the outside. I see that this person, doesnt want to grow really, just takes what he wants from his slaves and that is it. How can you be in the lifestyle, if you cant grow, learn and understand? Just doesnt make sense to me. 

Really trying not to be a bitch at the moment, but i feel my Domme side rising up, and wanting to lash out. But im really trying to just be myself, but i think it is hard to do that. Espeically if you had someone who outright asked in the first place if you are just in the lifestyle all beacuse of fifty shades of grey. 

For one, i hate the books, never read them and i will never read them. If you want good BDSM books, ask me and i will give you a few, i think who does it well. This and another author do not understand about the lifestyle and give us a bad name. With that, its hard not to judge or make assumptions/opinions of people, you just talk to on the lifestyle and what not. 

I guess it makes me question a lot of things. See when i start talking to others in the lifestyle, it is always, what we are into and what we dont like. Most dont do what i do, or do extreme stuff, and what not. And then after that, i just get this feeling, as if in some odd way they are trying to break me, trying to make me bend my knee to them, and that will never happen.
 Maybe that is my imagination, but that is how it feels. I mean yes i get some who outright state it, but then others just subtly do things, and its hard to just find poeple in the lifestyle just to talk to. Ive only found i think a couple who i can talk to and be myself, but others, very very hard.

With that it makes me question, am i fake in the lifestyle? Should i even be in it? Is it me or them that are being rude? Or what?
 Some of the questions and feelings that come out when im talking to people on the lifestyle and what not. 
Maybe i am insane, and i just dont think i am. Who knows, but it gets very confusing when you are living the lifestyle and trying to express yourself through the internet or through blog. 

With this, what do you make this out? 


i think if u are a master u cannot change.

me: well actually you can
like most or so, can be a slave for so long, but then switch and like being the Dom/me more so. It just depends on your taste and if they change or not

i think a master who becomes a slave even for just a taste losing some of his/her authorty

me:no, not at all. I dont see that with Daddy when He switches to be a slave for a bit, vise versa
just trying it and seeing, doesnt mean you loose trust and what not

W/we have switched who W/we are for a bit to see if W/we were either slave or Dom/me and what not. I dont think by switching and seeing if you are either one, makes your "authority" degrade. I do not see Daddy in a different light and neither does He with me. W/we try it to expand O/our relationship, to grow, to learn from each other and what not. If you cant try to do new things with your slave/sub then how will the lifestyle go on, and how will your bond grow? How will your love, your thoughts, your bond, your trust and what not, grow, if you do not even try to expand it and try new things? 

I dont know, maybe ive been in it for a very long time, and that my thinking is messed up. But i do know, that expanding O/our lifestyle has made U/us grown so much together, that bond W/we have is very strong, and makes me think, if W/we just did a little bit, a little bit of spanking, and what not, would that decline O/our love for one another, or what? 

I dont know, just a lot of food for thought really. Enjoy.... Until next time.
                                                                      ashpea 

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