About Me

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I'm 23 now; In the BDSM lifestyle for four- almost five years now. I am a 24/7 slave with a wonderful Daddy/fiancee: who is artcomet.blogspot.com. But as you will see in this blog are the emotions that I go through each and every day- in and out of the lifestyle. This is to show how much I've grown and bonded with my Daddy, how I've dealt with 'the world", and how I dealt with people in the BDSM lifestyle; Enjoy.

April 27, 2013

Journal of a water nymph day thirteen?


A lot of people are surprised to know that i am a Christian and living in the BDSM lifestyle. For me it goes hand in hand. I am a Christian who practices BDSM. You can be both, dont have to be or the other. Just have to keep the commandments, God's laws, and of course obey God.

I get it all the time, that they are surprised im a Christian who is in the lifestyle, or they say, you cant be. Shrugs
 Just because you are a Christian, and that you are in the lifestyle, doesnt mean you are 'evil'. Just as long as you do things, as most will say is boring of the lifestyle, then why cant you? Hm, it even states in the Bible, that women are suppose to submit to their husbands. I'm doing what i think is right and what God wants me to do. And that is just that.
As you see in the little convo down below, someone that is shocked to know i am a Christian as well. The conversation went on, saying that maybe i could be fairly decent, but not sure.

Anyways, that's all on my mind with this. Enjoy.


no need to be sorry. My memory sucks as well. lol. I think in greek
i was trying to think of a cool song that involved menory BUT i drew a blank
red does a few with memory
red?
yea, Christian rock band
oh...you are into Christian Rock?
yes
i am a Christian after all lol
you must understand that i am surprised....even though i am one of the more open minded people out here
how so?
this is nuts for me because You are the second "Alternate Lifestyle" female i met on here that was also a christian
well...i am decently versed in the bible
yea, you can be in the lifestyle and be a Christian.

April 22, 2013

journal of a water nymph day twelve


April 22,2013

Whew, lately been tired. Daddy has been working almost eight days in a row, and i hate it. With that, sleeping is all messed up but also when i go to sleep, no dreams, and if i do, just horrible ones. Nothing good. So im exhausted going to bed and waking up. Sigh, i hate when its like this. 

Um with that, ive been getting this question a lot from people. So, you are into the BDSM lifestyle? Do you like being slapped, spat on, dominated and controlled etc? Is it sexual, do you do sexual stuff, whenever He wants? 

These keep coming up. I'm not into it, I LIVE IT. I practice BDSM 24/7 no stops at all. States it in my profile, and i will say it for as long as people ask it. Yes, i like the S and M more so than B and D. But its not sexual at all. Not for U/us or for the people who are truly in it. I mean yes, sex is a part of it, or more so for others,(the kinksters really), but im not a kinkster. 

With that, its not sexual. The whole point of BDSM is the POWER EXCHANGE. That said, it in everything. Not just in sexual stuff, but in ordinary stuff as well. Examples, I'm a domestic slave, who does the S and M, but i do that because i need the pain and control in my life, to balance me out. Not because i find it a turn on(well i do in a different way) but its what i need. It's not a drug, its just something to help keep me focused, keep me balanced and be sane in the real world. 

We do this because it is a part of us, and we need it daily. Others do it, because they get tired of their role, and want something else for the time being, but others like myself, its not a role, it is who we are. 

But with that, all and all, today has been exhausting. My wrist, and back is killing me, along with its still snowing outside. Ugh, this winter does not want to let up at all. I am grateful and thank God that W/we are not homeless, nor will go homeless again, and be in this weather. Makes you think how grateful you are to have what you have. :) 
 Well enough of that, Until next time...
                                                                    ashpea

April 20, 2013

journal of a water nymph day eleven.


April 20,2013

So a few days ago i scared Daddy. He was choking me to the point i passed out. Didnt think i did, but i guess i did, and He said i was snorting and not talking and what not. Shook me quite a bit and yelling my name. I could hear Him, but i was a bit dazed. HE stopped it and asked are you alright, and im like yea. Didnt think i passed out, but i could hear myself snorting and what not. Its a weird feeling. Each time going into "subspace" its different. Not sure if its the same for others or what.

But with that, doing the lifestyle more so, which is new, and interesting. I just wish the pain was every day as well, because well as of lately i feel the urges come up, or me being a brat to get punished. I dont understand why i need it more lately, maybe of the stress. Who knows, but i do know is that i crave it, and crave the brusies and cuts that come with it. Guess just like my movie, its refreshing to see them and then heal.

Hm guess i will end it with this, as to i dont know how to express what has been going on lately without putting up a huge alarm. So with that note, will end it. Until next time...
                                                              ashpea

Oh there is a few things i would like to try, and saw some very nice ballet boots, but they cost so much money. Hoping one of these days to get up the money for toys and what not. :)

April 12, 2013

Journal on homeless, thoughts day one or two...

April 12,2013

I think this is pretty funny. See W/we went homeless back in 2012, well there was quite a bit of people who went homeless with U/us. And W/we know who these people are. Ever since W/we got out of being homeless, i mainly me have enemies, which i think is funny because i didnt do anything to become an enemy but somehow i did. Go figure? Huh?

Well, today, i see some of the people, and they look at me like im still homeless and they are better than me. But what they dont realize is that im far better off than i was about what seven/eight months ago. While their lives are still on hold or just becoming worse. 

I just think it is funny, that they hate me so much. I mean, i dont see them in good light as well, but that is because of what they did to me. I had one girl, who seems to be my arch enemy, only talked to me and hung out when she had no one else to talk to or to fuck really. Im sorry, if you guys know me, which i know a few of you who does, i do not do well with these type of people. People who have a dogs personality basically, who goes from one person to the next, i dont mesh well with at all. And they knew i wouldnt be like this. 

Another girl, who was pregnant and had a husband, couldnt hack it without him in the womans dorm, when i had to do the same thing, due to not being married and this place W/we were at said W/we were sinning. So W/we had to be seperated for a month to get by.(Which that was one of my main worries, back then. But i became stronger in the end, thanks to God) And i think they hate me because me and Daddy are so much stronger because of this. 

What they dont understand is that, O/our relationship has always had hardships, right from the beginning. So W/we are use to helping O/one A/another in these types of ordeals. W/we become stronger and stronger, and i think they hate that.

Throughout being homeless, had a couple of other people get mad at U/us as well and hated O/our bond with O/one A/another. W/we were called super couple, as to W/we walked everywhere with O/one A/another, during this. What they dont know, is O/our relationship and the lifestyle that W/we lead. They just see U/us being together twenty four seven, which W/we are use to anyways.

But what they dont see, is W/we do fight, W/we do get into arguments that last a while, and the heartbreak that goes with it. The struggles with the lifestyle, but of course this is all hidden, and with that, W/we have people who hate that, and call U/us a perfect couple. Which i seriously hate. W/we are not perfect at all. What i do know, is what W/we went through was because God wanted U/us to go through it, to be stronger with Him and with U/us. 

And sometimes in my journal entries it does seem that W/we may break up, it is rocky and shaky to the point that this relationship is doomed, but W/we bounce back from this ten times more. W/we become stronger with each hardship that hits U/us, and makes U/us love one another more and more as the years go by. 

I just think it is funny, that homeless people are one of the most picky people out there and i can see why most people wont help homeless out. But there is another side to it, its hard, stressful and what not. 
And with that comes with people calling you names, getting hit with food, drinks and verbal assualts. 

Like when W/we first got O/our apartment, me and Daddy are so happy with it, and pissed me off, as W/we needed help to bring up O/our bed and tv and what not up to the apartment as W/we didnt have an elevator at the time, and had some people from the homeless place W/we were at, say, are you sure you are going to be okay here? Its smaller than HB. I just get so mad, because this came from God, this all came from Him, and they have to do that. When i give thanks to a home, a HOME OF MY OWN, THANKS TO GOD. And they have to do that? I clenched my teeth and said yes, this is what God wants U/us to do, and im doing it with a happy heart. 

And i still do. All the memories that course through me when i have to look down the bridge going to albertsons, pangs hit me, but i still sing for God, i praise Him for helping U/us because stronger and getting out of a horrible situation. But those memories will never leave, and my eyes will never be the same ever again. 

Would i go through this again? No, if it was my own choice, i would just go homeless on the streets, but if God wanted me to go through the programs again, i would gladly do it for Him and for Him only. There are only two people in my life, i will do things like this as an example and to better myself and that is God(of course without a shadow of a doubt) and Daddy/fiancee.

Anyways, with that, i can see why so many people hate homeless people. They have nothing yet they are so freaking picky on where they live, what they eat, what type of clothes they get and so forth when in reality they should be happy to get what they get at that point in time.

Will i live here for the rest of my life? The answer is simply no. This is not me and Daddy's dream, nor do i feel that it is God's. Right now, it is a home, a safe haven for the time being. It is O/our place for the time being, but not a permanent home. This is God's way of showing U/us that W/we can be on O/our own, and sooner or later in His time, will W/we get O/our home, O/our family and other dreams W/we have dreamt up for so long. 

When i got this place, i couldnt help but bawl my eyes out like im doing right now. I thank God so much, for this, because this is a sliver of O/our dreams come true. When W/we got this place, oh my gosh, it felt so surreal, and each time i come home, yes im saying HOME. I feel so happy so elated and feel at peace with this. And each time i thank God for this. 

You can see i cant stop it, because He and of course Daddy have been the constant thing in my life, that HAS NEVER LET ME DOWN. And im happy to say and glad that they are both in my life. With that, dont know if you can see, im pretty much happy today. 
I dont know what it means, but to feel so free, so unburden feels so wonderful. I know its not going to last long, but im enjoying it for the time being. I know W/we have many more hardships to go through, but i know one day all of O/our dreams will come true. Just gotta rely and believe in God's will and He will tell U/us when it is O/our time for these dreams to come true.  

I guess that is all i have to say for the time being. Until next time....
Ashpea/slave/wife........

April 11, 2013

journal of a water nymph day ten?


April 11,2013

Hm the last two days were really good. Did the lifestyle again, and i feel like im back in balance with myself. I'm just glad that me and Daddy are slowly getting back on track and level with O/one A/another. 

Yesterday just relaxed and watched movies and what not. Im still pretty sore, from both what W/we did and also my period. But with that, all and all things are doing good. 

The only thing im worried about is the money, not going to get much, but hopefully it wont be like this always. Um with that, ive been talking to a person who is in the lifestyle. I dont know how i feel about it at this moment. 

Im trying hard not to judge or to see the patterns, but its very hard not to. I guess im use to being an outsider and just looking from the outside. I see that this person, doesnt want to grow really, just takes what he wants from his slaves and that is it. How can you be in the lifestyle, if you cant grow, learn and understand? Just doesnt make sense to me. 

Really trying not to be a bitch at the moment, but i feel my Domme side rising up, and wanting to lash out. But im really trying to just be myself, but i think it is hard to do that. Espeically if you had someone who outright asked in the first place if you are just in the lifestyle all beacuse of fifty shades of grey. 

For one, i hate the books, never read them and i will never read them. If you want good BDSM books, ask me and i will give you a few, i think who does it well. This and another author do not understand about the lifestyle and give us a bad name. With that, its hard not to judge or make assumptions/opinions of people, you just talk to on the lifestyle and what not. 

I guess it makes me question a lot of things. See when i start talking to others in the lifestyle, it is always, what we are into and what we dont like. Most dont do what i do, or do extreme stuff, and what not. And then after that, i just get this feeling, as if in some odd way they are trying to break me, trying to make me bend my knee to them, and that will never happen.
 Maybe that is my imagination, but that is how it feels. I mean yes i get some who outright state it, but then others just subtly do things, and its hard to just find poeple in the lifestyle just to talk to. Ive only found i think a couple who i can talk to and be myself, but others, very very hard.

With that it makes me question, am i fake in the lifestyle? Should i even be in it? Is it me or them that are being rude? Or what?
 Some of the questions and feelings that come out when im talking to people on the lifestyle and what not. 
Maybe i am insane, and i just dont think i am. Who knows, but it gets very confusing when you are living the lifestyle and trying to express yourself through the internet or through blog. 

With this, what do you make this out? 


i think if u are a master u cannot change.

me: well actually you can
like most or so, can be a slave for so long, but then switch and like being the Dom/me more so. It just depends on your taste and if they change or not

i think a master who becomes a slave even for just a taste losing some of his/her authorty

me:no, not at all. I dont see that with Daddy when He switches to be a slave for a bit, vise versa
just trying it and seeing, doesnt mean you loose trust and what not

W/we have switched who W/we are for a bit to see if W/we were either slave or Dom/me and what not. I dont think by switching and seeing if you are either one, makes your "authority" degrade. I do not see Daddy in a different light and neither does He with me. W/we try it to expand O/our relationship, to grow, to learn from each other and what not. If you cant try to do new things with your slave/sub then how will the lifestyle go on, and how will your bond grow? How will your love, your thoughts, your bond, your trust and what not, grow, if you do not even try to expand it and try new things? 

I dont know, maybe ive been in it for a very long time, and that my thinking is messed up. But i do know, that expanding O/our lifestyle has made U/us grown so much together, that bond W/we have is very strong, and makes me think, if W/we just did a little bit, a little bit of spanking, and what not, would that decline O/our love for one another, or what? 

I dont know, just a lot of food for thought really. Enjoy.... Until next time.
                                                                      ashpea 

April 8, 2013

Journal of a water nymph day nine


id love to own u
hm how swo?
so?
id love to tie you to my bed
hm not to be mean, but glad you are not.
lol
why?
because my wants and what i like in the lifestyle are different than what you like
its non sexual?
it is. For me it is at least
but also what i get into in the lifestyle is totally what you think

I just dont get it. Almost every person i speak to in the lifestyle or curious about it, always tell me this. And each time i have to ask why? Why would you love to own me? Do you think im going to be happy and do what you want? Do you think im just a play toy to you? And that you need relief and the only way to do that is to try the lifestyle?

These are only a few things that comes to my mind when people tell me they would love to own me. And each time i always get at least the same answer back as i did with this one, just with different wording.

I'm happy that i found Daddy/fiancee as i did, or else i would be very stupid and be ending up with people who do not understand the lifestyle or just do it for kink value. That isnt who i am or what my needs and wants were ever.

I tried being nice, and saying, im glad he isnt my owner, as to he doesnt know my needs or my wants. Or what i love in the lifestyle, and what he put, isnt no where near what i like.

This is a lifestyle for me, not a silly game to be played out in role play. I am a slave, indeed i am, but to only one person and one person only. So it will never come up for me to "play" with anyone. And if i did, it would be someone i respect and those who respect me and the lifestyle.

With that, my tastes are this: sadomasochism is mostly what i get into. I love pain and i need it in order to feel balance in my life. I do not like bondage really, and i will only like it, if im truly tied up and i can trust the person who is doing it. Other than that, you can take the bondage out of it for me.

Discipline, i need just as much as i do with pain. If i do not get corrected for something ive done wrong, i become bratty, i become a bitch and so forth. And at times it seems like Daddy can not tame me, but He is the only one i will allow to break me.

I know what i like and hate and Daddy knows as well. So when strangers come online and tell me this, they do not know the darker side of what this lifestyle is about.
 If you want your thrills and kicks with the sexual stuff of the lifestyle, go right ahead, but if you talk to me about it, i will tell you, and advise you not to do it at all, but in the end it will be your decision, not mine. But i will try to hinder you in that area.

I just find it funny, that people online think they know me so well, that i will bow down, kneel to them and do what they want. What's funny about it, i wont do it. I only show a bit of me, and that may be my submissive side til you pissed me off. I show what i want to show, the rest is hidden. My darker thoughts, my darker fantasies, the other sides of me, stay hidden from everyone but Daddy and of course God.

I am a complicated person, i have baggage that wont go away, i have mental problems that will never disappear, and my feelings are tangled/jumbled up with my thoughts. Would i talk about it right away with people? The answer to that is no. I keep things from peopple, especially Daddy(which i dont mean to do). I do what is natural to me, and that is hiding my feelings and bottle them up.

So how would a stranger know who i am truly? How would they know what my desires, my wants, my needs are in both the vanilla and the bdsm lifestyle? And the answer to that is: they dont know at all. They will never know.
I am a dark person, and you will never know who i am completely.

Enough on this.. Until next time.
                                                                   ashpea

April 6, 2013

Journal of a water nymph day seven and eight.

April 6 2013

Sigh, yesterday was very interesting to say. I got what i wanted for a very long time, pain. its been a while since ive had it. Ive been craving it for a while now, and finally i got what i wanted. 

Yesterday was planned to have a normal day: just to relax and watch shows together. It kinda got changed a bit. About a few hours into watching one of O/our favorite shows, He decides its time to do what He wants. 

Starts choking me to the point of passing out, and keep doing it. I remember some parts, i feel like im in my other world, a bit afraid but it is so calm, feel like my eyes are being crossed, cant see what is going on. All the while, it sounds like im whimpering or im saying something, but i cant make it out. And my feelings, i feel like grandma is around me, holding me, and then i wake from it. And i see Daddy choking me lightly this time. 

I try my hardest to fight Him, but its useless. I feel myself growing weaker and weaker. Daddy does what He wants, still choking me as well. Telling me how weak ive become. Me still trying to fight, using my mousey claws, gasping for breath. Fighting to keep myself conscience. All the while Daddy telling me, ive become stronger in fighting off passing out. Doesnt help really, just focusing my mind on staying awake. 

After an hour of this, Daddy stops. Go back to watch O/our tv show, and asking me all the while, are you okay? Did i hurt you in anyway. Shaking my head no, and saying im okay. Just think you brusied me, but that is all. After that, snuggle back into His arms, and watch the show.



April 6 2013

Today, my brattyness was getting a bit out of hand. I dont know why, but i woke up in a cranky way, and Daddy kept telling me, you are not going to ruin this for U/us. You will be good and just behave and have good memories before He went to work. Had to hit my hands a couple of times, to get me to straighten out a bit. All that has happened today with the lifestyle. 

Ashpea

April 4, 2013

Journal of a water nymph day six


April 4,2013
Yesterday was an interesting day. A new day for U/us to learn to be better in O/our lifestyle and get back on track with one another.
Had to go out to get O/our money back on the lamb and what not. Came back home, and Daddy was Himself. He told me, put on your slave outfit and you will do things. So i put it on, and He tells me to do things, slaps my face, because i was back talking til i stopped it. And from there, kneeled down and said sorry. And He told me, you will clean up the house, before tomorrow morning. I got up, He pushes me back down, you didnt do it properly. I give Him a puzzled look and He says, bow all the way and then get up. So i did that, and was doing that.
Was trying to clean and make food at the same time, which is really hard for me. I was picking up clothes, and Daddy is like, okay you need to do this. And im like, i cant do two things at once. You want me to clean but you want me to cook as well. He told me, be quiet, calm down, and i want you to cook right now. I started crying, almost panicking again, He looks at me, rubs my arms and said, dont panic, it will be okay.
Just do the cooking for right now, and then get back to cooking. I was still panicking and He told me, just calm down, breathe, everything will be okay. And i was fine.
Got it done, and watched movies with Him. The days are getting better. Later on today, He will get home earlier than usual, watch more movies and probably do the lifestyle again.
Until next time..
ashpea

Journal of a water nymph day five


April 4,2013
Gosh, the last two days have been up and down. It started tuesay when He had His first day off. I knew things were going bad, as to He was taking His sweet time, getting ready to go to the grocery store. I let that slide, then after that, He put me in the closet again, and i knew He was up to something but i wasnt too sure what. After that, i cleaned up the house, and i turned to Him and i said, you better not be up to anything and He gets mad at me. I did exactly what He wanted, to tell Him when He is doing something bad.
After that, i just kept my emotions inside, i gave Him His damn space until about eight nine oclock, i just snapped. I knew something was going on, and i told Him, either you spend time with me, after i made dinner or you get off completely. My Domme side came out, and i hate to use it on Him. He didnt like that, so i took the computer and He shuts it on me. And tries to pin me down, i got so mad at Him trying to make me stop whet He wanted, and i seriously kicked Him twice in His stomach, and He came at me, thought He was going to hit me, but just took the computer back. I was crying hard by this time, and He finally got off of it. He gave me the computer while He went to take a shower. He told me, do what you want.
Well, im a sneaky mouse, i know how to get into His yahoo account and read His history. I was reading it part of it, when Daddy came back in, and saw what i was doing, told me, why do you have to be a smart mousey? You just couldnt wait and let me tell you, huh? I kept reading it and i see that He showed His body privately while i was in the closet.
I got up and was panicking and what not. I was getting so caught up, i couldnt breathe, i was pacing back and forth, ready to cut myself and everything else. My words were not coherent at all, and Daddy kept telling me, calm down ashley, come here, calm down, it will be okay.
He kept saying, im sorry, you dont trust me anymore and what not. I just kept crying, and i couldnt talk really because i was just so out of it. He told me, you can punish me if you want, and i came up with new rules. But with that, at the time my trust was lost a bit.
With all the stuff ive gone through in my life, He kinda broke me. I thought He would never do this, never betray my trust really and He did. I mean not really but then again, He did. I know He has commitment issues, but still. What made me so upset and so mad is that i keep all the rules intact, i dont cyber with anyone yet He does. I do not show myself online, He does. Just pissed me off so much, because He wanted to do the lifestyle with other people really and not by O/our rules that W/we made. Just made me so stinking upset.
After i calmed down, probably about an hour or so, i told Him, by sitting on Him, that i want to keep doing this lifestyle, but with you. I tried compromising, either He can do the stuff, but i read it, like in the past, or not at all, and do it with me. But He made up His mind and wants to do it with me.
I'm hoping that His eyes are being opened up and hopefully this will stop. He thinks that He has betrayed/failed God and me, but He hasnt. I think He did hurt me, but i still love Him and i wont leave Him. Put a lot of love in this man im not going to flake out on something so stupid, so fucking little in O/our life, that W/we have gone through.
Like, W/we've had harder things than this, so why is it taking a toll on U/us? All i know is that, after calming down and yesterday being about U/us, O/our relationship is getting better. It was rocky for a bit, and Him trying to throw me away, telling me to go find someone else. Which hurts me, and me feeling so guilty for really hurting Him.
At the time i felt like HE so fucking needed it. I wanted HIm to feel the hurt i was going through. I seriously thought of hurting myself, just picking up the blade and slicking through my body with it.
But with it, W/we are better. He keeps telling me sorry for what He's done, thinks i do not trust Him at all, when thats not the case and that O/our relationship is ruined, when its not. The important thing, is talking through it, and getting back on track with U/us.
He told me, that even though He was using the closet as a bad way of punishing me, it does work well, which it does. It makes me realize i did things wrong, and it kinda scares me to be in it. But i think for no on, He will use it in the right way.
I told Him if you feel like you need to do evil fantasies, either you talk to me or do it to me. So that is what W/we've been doing. Seems like it is working.
Sigh, I hate when W/we get into these type of fights, just not O/ourselves and it hurts U/us in a way. But each time going through things, it makes U/us stronger and this will be just like the rest. Until next time.
ashpea